Help dealing with DD, 7 ASD [title edited by MNHQ]

[KubaLeebre]

Wasn't sure where to post this.

DD is 7.5 and is such hard work. She's so negative about everything and moans constantly. All she wants to do is go on her iPad. Made such a fuss when we were out for a walk that I actually turned round and took her home. She was crying and shouting that she had a headache. It was embarrassing to be honest.

She refuses to join any clubs so doesn't have any hobbies.

I'm actually crying right now as I'm so fed up. I love her so much, but I'm starting to not want to be near her

I doubt lockdown is bringing out the best in anyone. It's hard.

What's she doing on the ipad?

If it's games could you try boardgames?
Talking to friend - organise a quiz for her friends?
Any tv shows you could watch together?

@SharpieInThe she mostly plays Roblox. Not interested in her school friends at all. Loves lock down, happy not to be at school. Just wants to stay at home and play the iPad (she's only allowed it from 4-6pm)

Play her at her own game. If she says she's got a headache then a lie-down in a quiet (curtains shut) room with no tv, no books and no iPad that day is best.

Obviously I'm no expert, but she sounds really unhappy.

@Sameold2020 yes, we all are.

This sounds like my DD who's also 7.
She also kept playing her tablet which I've now taken away indefinitely.
I've seen a big change in her attitude now she no longer has it and she's making real attempts to want to come for walks and actually try new things.

If this continues after lockdown I would maybe see about some counselling. Nothing to be scared about.. I saw a school counsellor from the age of 9

I would take the iPad away from her for a few weeks.

My older DD is like this, she has a diagnosis of ASD and ADHD. But very mild presentation, most people would never guess. At your dd's age, she was the same with Roblox/Minecraft. Also obsessed with Pokémon and My little Pony which pediatrician said was typical with ASD girls. If we want her to join in we have to cut out screens altogether and this does help enormously. It might be that she is hyperfocusing on the games and can't snap out of it to go on a walk she doesn't want to go on.

How about iPad is only allowed on weekends during lockdown rather than limited hours each day? Does she have a decent scooter? I found it was the only way I could encourage my DD out on walks (she'd still kick off about leaving the house but we had less trouble when out). And now mine is a teen, I've noticed the same thing, I've actually bought her an adult scooter for our family walks because she kept asking to borrow her younger siblings and it's made them bearable again. Or what about doing something like Pokémon Go to get her wanting to go on walks?

I mean, unhappy in herself, like something is going wrong for her, like bullying. Obviously her behaviour is making you all unhappy. Lack of self-confidence or self-esteem?

Before I get jumped on for arm chair diagnosing, I wasn't trying to do that, it just was such a big battle for me with my own daughter at this age, and the suggestions may help for a NT child too.

@user3274826 she is very very likely to have ASD. She is also obsessed with pokemon and will occasionally do pokemon Go but that's screens again. Yes, she is does have a scooter and will only come out on that.

I think I will get rid of the iPad for a bit

And YY to the hyper focus. She cannot hear us when she's playing a game, watching pokemon or reading something (though reading rare)

I’d be really, really worried about my kids if they were like this at 7 I have to say. It seems way too young to be at a stage you wouldn’t expect until the ‘dreaded’ teen years.

Sorry it’s not a particularly helpful reply.

@lovinglavidaloca obviously I am worried?

I think that's a good idea. Just get rid of the screens completely and indefinitely. You might find that when it's off the table as an optionshe finds something else to do.

My daughter (8) is similar and is most likely autistic (on the long waiting list for ADOS).

She’s so demand avoidant - the most basic requests get ignored and ignored until I yell at her. She doesn’t want to do anything but sit with headphones and an iPad, doesn’t read, hates doing schoolwork (but is really bright), fights with and winds up her brother. Of course I love her but her behaviour is so annoying almost all the time.

No advice, just sympathy. I’m mentally exhausted from all the nagging I have to do from morning until night.

It will unleash a load of hell, but if this were me, i would give the ipad a "holiday" for a while. We've had to do this from time to time. The initial period is quite horrible, screaming etc. But in the long run things are better. Try to find something else she can be occupied with, other things she may enjoy - reading, art, activity books, drawing, puzzles etc etc. As difficult as it is, always try to stay calm and positive. Lockdown is difficult for everyone. Good luck OP

Can you have iPad days? My 5 year old is only allowed on the iPad once a week - to play an educational game. That’s it. Monday is our day. Perhaps cut down to 2 or 3 times a week at most?

PS interesting that you mention Pokemon - we find that Pokemon brings out the WORST behaviour in DD - almost instantly! She becomes someone we dont even recognise, angry, shouty, disobedient, possessed. No idea why, but theres a definite connection. She is currently on a final-final warning re Pokemon, one more incident and Pokemon/ipad goes on a "holiday" again.

I also have 7 year old daughter, waiting for ASD diagnosis. Recently, I have found an app called The Happy Child really useful. It focuses on prioritising the bond with the child. I've found this diffuses a lot of stuff and avoids a whole day of disregulation. We mainly avoid screens unfortunately as they overstimulate her and make her flip out. She enjoys board games and anything where she kind of controls everyone like setting trails or opening her own pretend salon or cafe

Does she have a lot to do other than the iPad?
Do you guys do activities/games together?

I do think kids have a tendency to obsess over screens. Its difficult at the moment anyway with the lockdown, she's probably stressed out too.
Sorry you're having a hard time OP.

I would say put the iPad away. It will cause huge amounts of aggro at first, but down the line you'll all be happier.
Some children don't like playing, but maybe craft activities instead? Not expensive ones, just drawing, cutting up cardboard to make a Roblox scene instead of using the iPad, painting if you have paints at home, making cartoon stories, even modelling animals from blutak. Do you have any embroidery thread? That's a good age to begin making pictures with thread on old fabric (like old t-shirts with holes in, or shirts with a stain and would otherwise be thrown away). If she likes Pokémon, they're an endless source of characters to draw, colour, make even, depending what resources you have available.
My children often painted watercolours (all I had!) on opened out cereal boxes- it was essentially free, and didn't get too soggy like paper would.
Can also be 'accidentally' recycled as necessary too

Definitely get rid of the I pad. Tell her the WiFi is broken

Yes, we have SO much stuff! Lots of lovely craft things, things for painting, drawing kits etc she's not always interested. The only thing she does regularly is Aquabeads. And she goes on the trampoline intermittently.

She does not 'play', well certainly no make believe type play. She doesn't have a sibling so I wonder whether that plays a role too.

I will def look at the Happy Child App