To give up on my son's school?

[jaffacakesaremyfave]

My 8 year old DS has severe behavioural problems at school. In the past 2 years he has been excluded more times than I can count, been put on a reduced timetable once for 3 months and recently again for an indefinite period (so he's currently excluded every Friday)

His reception year at school was fine but when he moved into year 1, the problems started. We relocated due to my work and he moved school when he was at the end of year 1 and things really began to deteriorate.

He had a bad start due to racial bullying which I don't feel the school took seriously and as his behaviour became worse, they resorted to locking him in a small room until he calmed down but would often leave him there until I came to collect him even when he had calmed down.

I fought to get him into a better school which was run by the same head teacher where his older brother attends and for the first term his behaviour improved dramatically. However, over the last year we seem to be back to where we started.

The most recent incident was yesterday where he left school premises (he's never done this before) and the school rang the police. They only called me after he had gone back into school and said they called the police as they are unable to follow him when he leaves school grounds. The police never came so basically if he does this again they will leave my 8 year old son to wander around a busy main road until the police arrive.

I feel at my wits end and I don't know how things can move forward. I have had so many meetings with the school to try and manage his behaviour. He has a teaching assistant and he is extremely fond of his current class teacher but his behaviour deteriorates if neither of them are in school (like yesterday when both were at sports day all day). Next year will be horrendous as he already doesn't like his new teacher for year 4.

I've tried to get him referred to CAHMS several times through both the school and GP but these have led nowhere. His main problems seems to be about becoming frustrated if he can't do his work or if he is told off for something that he feels is unjust (like being told off for talking in class when it wasn't him talking) This leads to him either completely shutting down and becoming mute for hours on end or become destructive and swearing at teachers.

At home he is generally well behaved but we have a very close relationship and I have learned how to ask him to do things in a way that avoids conflict and if things escalate then I know how to calm him down and he always accepts his punishments (e.g losing his electrics, pocket money, can't go to football etc)

I recently had a meeting with someone from parent partnership who attended a meeting with the head and she agreed that some of the things the school were doing were not helpful (e.g if my son walked off they would tell him he's going to a PRU or back to the previous school for which they also run).

He has witnessed DV when he was very young from his father (who is now in prison and he no longer sees) and i found out last year that their father was emotionally abusing him and his brothers (which never made it to trial).

I have asked for counselling but nowhere can provide it for free so my only option is private which I can't afford. The school made a referral to a charity for young carers (after me pushing for a year to try and find an organisation that can help him) but they only offer an outing after school every fortnight and it really isn't set up for children like my son who have behavioural issues.

I've been to CAHMS in the past and done the 6 week parenting course but like I say, his behaviour at home isn't the issue and CAHMS won't deal with behavioural problems.

I feel like the school has given up on him and labelled our family as 'one of those families'. They are extremely patronising to me (comments such as 'well you do so well getting them to school looking clean' etc.)

Not that it should make a difference to how we are judged but although I am a single parent, I have always worked, have a high level of education and am in a professional career but they still seem to treat me like I'm some silly single mother who has messed up her child and assume I'm at home on benefits.

Sorry for the long post but I really do not know where to go from here. Should I move his school for a third time to one not affiliated with this one or leave my son in a school not able to manage his behaviour and potentially letting him leave the premises and not be followed.

Where do I stand legally with their position on this? Surely they have a duty of care to ensure he is safe during school hours and if they cannot manage that then they should call me immediately so I can intervene.

I am so exhausted and upset by this situation

Stupid question. What changes after the initial successful period? Change of staff or approach?

That all sounds so hard, and you sound so clued up to what your son needs.
I would visit every school you could possibly get him too - including any special provision. See how you feel about them.
Your son sounds like he has serious trust issues (completely understandably). He takes 'criticism' from you as he trusts you. Likewise, as he has a relationship with the ta he finds it easier to accept her boundaries.
It feels like the key would be finding a setting that understands him, and is willing/ able to put time into building relationships with him.
The fight/ flight part of brain can be very sensitive in people who witnessed/ were involved in trauma at a young age. It's not his fault- or yours. His emotional development was interrupted. It's up to the adult world to help him through this. And with a sensitive, intelligent and compassionate mum on his side he will get through it.

I had a very similar experience with one of my dc..my advice is to move schools before they expell him,as it's very hard getting another school to take an expelled child..I speek from bitter experience

I'd take him out and loosely home school until a diagnosis or more help could he found. Then I'd be visiting a fuck ton of schools which profess to be good with SEN perhaps one with specialist units, specialist provisions, and waiting until I could get him in before returning to full time education.

The fact that three schools have struggled with him there is a real issue rather than all of the schools are rubbish.

There is no money in education-things are pretty awful, but I'm struggling to believe there's no EP anywhere? Which LEA are you in? They often have support-specialist teachers etc

Have you taken him to the GP? He sounds like he needs a referral to a paediatrician to assess for ADHD/ASD/ODD/PDA etc

I would absolutely pay for an EP assessment myself if your LEA is struggling that much though.

All local authorities work differently regarding funding. In mine, we can apply for funding separately to an EHCP. This does mean that EHCPs are rarely given out and only if a child is deemed to need special provision. Neighbouring LAs link finding to EHCPs and the threshold is lower.
It does seem like they have given up on him. In my school we would have referred him to to the educational psychologist and sought advice from the inclusion officer at the authority. We used to have an authority behaviour improvement team but they were cut due financial reasons.
It is horrendous that they have been excluding him unofficially. Reduced timetables are sometimes necessary but are a last resort and a temporary measure. They should always be agreed by parents.
You say that the school is an authority school and not an academy but that he has moved to a sister school - is it that it is a small rural school and ther share a head? It's unlikely that he will get a fresh start there.
It is difficult to offer advice when I don't know where you are but there are local organisations that can offer advice and act as an advocate for you. If you are happy to PM me your location, I would happily do some digging for you online and get some names.

Thank you Can't for your kind words

I will definitely pursue the GP again although they seem completely out of touch with what is happening in our LA with lack of Ed psych (I asked for CAHMS referral, they said they can't, has to be Ed psych. I asked school re Ed psych referral, they said has to be GP referral and round and round we go!!)

I have no idea if they are specially trained to touch him. They call it 'team teaching' and yes they used to physically put him in the room. They still physically restrain him and I've never seen paperwork for this or consented.

They no longer use the cupboard (which I asked exclusions officer if this was legal and he said school is an old building and they are allowed to use what resources they can to restrain) I certainly never agreed to this being used and it was the last straw when my friend had to collect my son from old school after they called me at work (I work an hour away) and she was shocked about the cupboard and that he was lying on the floor calm whilst the teacher had their foot blocking the door from the outside. He had been in there at least 30 minutes. This is when the managed move took place as I refused to let him return.

I don't think anything changed re deteriorating behaviour after first term in new school. He was relieved to leave old school and be at school with his brother and I think they had more patience with him then. Also his class teacher is fabulous and sees past his behavioural problems. This is why I'm so concerned about his new teacher next year.

I've arranged a meeting with the head on Monday and need a list of the things I want the school to do.

SS became involved following disclosure of abuse and there was a meeting around the child. They recommend a family support worker who was as useless as a chocolate tea pot. She wanted to do parenting classes with me but at the time I worked FT and she couldn't fit around my working hours and she eventually gave up trying to find a suitable time. SS found no need for further involvement and we've been left to pick up the pieces since.

It honestly feels like I'm banging my head against a brick wall!!

One reason I'm reluctant to move his school is that they are obviously trying to avoid permanent exclusion which I'm grateful for and also it is an outstanding school, whereas others in the area do less well in terms of OFSTED but then I need to weigh up whether a different school would serve his needs better. The school I'm looking around on Friday serves a deprived area so does that mean they will have more funding for support for children with behavioural difficulties?

The area I live in has specialist counselling for children who have experienced domestic abuse, this is run by a domestic abuse charity, are you sure that there is no support for children who have experienced this in your area.
I wonder if the school issues are impact of his abuse experiences. You have done well if he is able to manage well at home.
I wouldn't rule out a PRU I have seen some work really well with young people. I also wouldn't worry out outstanding ratings, a school with good support and fits your child's needs is the most important thing.

Roll, there really is only one EP for the whole LA and as Yellow said, it's only for children who need assessing for SN register.

Yellow, the old school was a failing LA school which was given a sister school status when head of current (outstanding) school took over.

They had an acting head in old school but yes, it's impossible for a complete fresh start as some of the teachers are the same and every time DS had a meltdown they threatened to send him back to old school months after his probationary period was over because they felt it worked. I asked them to stop saying that to him because it was destroying his trust in current school staff and wasn't something I would allow them to follow through on because of the 'safe' room cupboard and other issues. I said I would rather him excluded at home but they said that would be a reward for him even though I've told them many times I make him do work at home.

I would live to be in a financial position to home school him but it's not an option. I am going to look into private Ed psych assessment costs tonight.

Yellow I'll PM you now, thank you for your help

Ofsted see and measure what they want.
You need somewhere that gets him, and will invest the time he needs.
You may find the school in a 'tougher' area attracts teacher who can see passed that and are keen to go the extra mile. Or hey may have whatever teachers they can convince to come through the door.

I'm not sure 'assessing for SN register' means very much. Your child needs an assessment! Can you complain/write higher up? It seems absolute madness that they won't do it.

They call it 'team teaching' and yes they used to physically put him in the room. They still physically restrain him and I've never seen paperwork for this or consented.
Team teach is about de-escalation, but does use types of restraint. Schools are allowed to use reasonable force by law if it is appropriate and proportionate.

You'd complain if they were to physically restrain him when he tries to leave though, right?

Beader, I would have absolutely no problems with them restraining him to prevent him leaving school premises. I also have no problem when he has the potential to hurt himself or others. My issue is that I haven't even been asked for consent and I'm unsure about specially trained staff which others posters mentioned.

If you read my OP, my issue is more with the cupboard than the restraints. It is very rare that this happens as his main issue is selective mutism and absconding

www.team-teach.co.uk/Doc01_code%20March%202015.pdf

Roll, there really is only one EP for the whole LA and as Yellow said, it's only for children who need assessing for SN register.

That makes no sense to be honest, but if that's what you've been told, you can reply that your child needs assessing for the SEN register!

Having googled after your PM, I found some information about poor working conditions for educational psychologists in the LA and how there are fears that there are not enough members of staff to carry out the EHCP assessments let alone anything else. Fucking tories.

Your child should be on the SEN register under 'SEN support'. They do not have to have an EHCP for this (this would be listed differently).

Have you considered taking him to see a play therapist? Child in my class currently seeing one for similar issues and it's definitely helping.

Thank you for all the links. I'll try to get through them all today.

It appears my local LA try to enforce disciplinary action on our head of the AEP for raising concerns about the lack of EP's in our area.

There really is only one serving the whole LA.

'The principal issue concerns the treatment of our elected LA Representative when he raised the issue of (LA's) failure to recruit to the vacant Principal Educational Psychologists position following the retirement of the previous incumbent at the end of March 2015.'

Fucking Tories indeed Yellow!!!**

I have looked into for play therapy and whether any referrals can be made to an organisation that offers this. There is nothing in my area.

I'm starting to accept that I'm going to have to pay for my son to get the help he needs rather than relying on the school or charities. I don't really have the money for this but have no options left

*Yellow,
*
How do I get the school to put him on the SEN register?

Can anyone help me make a list of things to ask for for the meeting on Monday and who should be providing these?

The schools standard response is that there isn't an EP to do assessments to get him in the SEN and I often find my suggestions are dismissed during our meetings so I need to have answers for everything they may throw back at me.

Getting my son the help he needs should be this hard. It feels like a battle and yes, I just need one person to really take hold of the situation and help our family.

Reduced timetables are legal but need to be agreed by parents and are not long term.

No, they aren't, except for children who have to be out of school for medical reasons. By law children must have full time education. There is recent case law that says that if a school puts a child with SEN on a part time timetable, it is guilty of disability discrimination if it does not arrange something like home tuition to meet the child's right to full time education.

OP, you really need to apply for an Education, Health and Care needs assessment - details of how to do it here - www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/ehc-needs-assessments/asking-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment. If your child is constantly being excluded and put on part time timetables, he clearly qualifies.

If you need help with this, call IPSEA or SOS SEN.

Of the 31 children on my SEN register, only 5 have ever been seen by the EP. If your son is on a reduced timetable, that implies a serious problem in accessing learning-ask why, if it's serious enough for him not to be in school full time, why is it not serious enough for him to be on their SEN register.

Ask to see a copy of the school's SEN Information report and ask what their policy says about deciding when children go on the SEN register using the graduated response?

Go to the GP today and ask for a referral to a paediatrician.

Enquire about local private EPs online.

Thanks everyone. I'm going to ask if the SENCO can attend the meeting on Monday (she's never attended them before) and I always get second hand information about her involvement.

In regards to the EHC, the website states 'Remember you can only ask for an EHC needs assessment if the child or young person has or may have educational needs – it does not apply where there are only health and/or care needs no matter how severe.'

If he has emotional problems do these not fall under health/care needs?

I'm at work today and tomo but I'm going to take him to the Gp and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist.