ADHD and ODD

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My DS 7.7 years is a lovely little boy, he shows many of the symptoms of ADHD and nearly all the symptoms of ODD. His class teacher and I take the brunt of his anger and he regularly tells us he hates us. His behaviour in class is getting worse and I'm worried. Where do I start to get him help.

What have his school suggested? Have they asked an educational psychologist to be involved? You can talk to your GP about a CAMHS referral (child & adolescent mental health),and hopefully get the ball rolling with getting some support.

I've booked an appt with the Dr for next Thursday and I have a meeting with his teacher, head teacher, SENCO lady on Friday next week, I have asked to get him seen by the educational psychologists but nothing has come of it yet. Just don't know what to do and where to start. My sister says when I see the GP I can demand a referral.
My son has always had temper tantrums and we always expected him to grow out of them as most kids do.
The problems with his behaviour have got worse this year but we just put it down to him not liking his teacher and the teacher being very young and fresh out of teaching college.
He is very disruptive in class and on occasions he is removed from the class, he's very smart and loving but when he wants to be, there are times he says or does things that are nasty, he's told me that he wishes his younger sister would die so she wouldn't be around to annoy him, he thinks it's ok to punch and hit people because they've annoyed him. any info or advice would be great because I feel out of my depth at the moment.

This is a good start. I'd see what your GP says about referring to CAMHS. You'll need to outline the key issues, what you've done to address them yourself and what kind of help you think you need. For example, would you like to go I a parenting course to have help managing his behaviours? It doesn't mean you're a rubbish parent, but it might help you to adapt your usual strategies (that work on your other children) to your son.

You can use the outcome of this meeting to go into school showing that you are proactive and determind to change things. This should also make the school feel positive toward you and want to support you. Do they have any parent workers who might be able to have input?

It's clear that your son has strengths, it's just that right now he's struggling to let others really see them. Can he problem-solve in a flexible way, or is aggression pretty much his first and usual response? There is work that can be done with him to equip him other strategies to manage frustration and desire for attention. You're definitely starting the right way, and I hope things improve from here.

We went to see the nurse today because my son has said sometimes he doesn't hear what the teacher says, the nurse said there was nothing obvious that would cause this, so that will be something else I'll bring up when I see the Dr on Thursday, I want to cover all my bases. My son works well when using worksheets but as soon as he has to do work in a book he becomes upset and refuses to do it. Anger is really the first response, having said that he's had a good day at school and he's been really good at home to. He freely told me that he didn't like the nurse getting too close and getting into his space so I'm taking that as a good step forward. I will take your comments on board thank you so much for your help.