Explaining to child re their disability

[english1]

How do you explain to a 10year old that they are different from others due to their disability (recently diagnosed) - asd, espiecially for a child that has anxiety as well as low self esteem problems -says no one loves him, i hate my family and then minutes later would be a good as gold. Does this help their behaviou - make them more understanding or will this tip the balance or be used as an excuse for unacceptable behaviour

Hello English1, I do sympathise with your dilemma. I had a similar situation when my then 7yo DD was confirmed as dyslexic/dyspraxic.

I sat her down and explained that the Ed Psych had given us an 'explanation' about why she found certain things difficult. She found the news liberating and we blame her condition for her problems and not her iykwim. She found it very positive to have an explanation with a label and this was proof to her that she was not stupid. We also found lots of role models for her so she knows it is nothing she cannot overcome. Now at 10yo we sometimes discuss her problems and how common they are for Dyslexics/Dyspraxia and this has given her insight into how to manage what she has found difficult.

We have also found that she loves horse riding and she goes riding once a week which she loves. Even tho her brother would love to join her we have kept this one thing just for her so she can be the special horse rider in our family. I think it is important that we cultivate something special for her alone to succeed at.

Interestingly we made an effort not to use the word disability, partly because she is not disabled - she has special educational needs. Yet during a school lesson on diversity she declared to her class that she was disabled!

My position is that we had to explain it to her because we needed her to co-operate with the extra tuition required. I think her attitude is very coloured by how positive we are about it but ultimately they have their own personality and will all handle these things in their own way.

Hope this helps

thanks LintFree. We eventaully to Dc to the pead and he explain and tried to help, i guess cos it came from the doc, dc seems settled now

I had this worry when ds was diagnosed with Aspergers. I didn't want to give him an excuse to be rude, because I felt he could easily have done. It was mainly with talking to other people that I felt he might use it as an excuse, I was trying to encourage him to be polite when people spoke to him, but he simply didn't see the point in talking to them if he had nothing to say.

I argued with my Mum about it actually, she was all for telling him that he was just very special and clever and that sort of thing, but I didn't want him to feel he was more special than his brother or other people. I mean, of course he is special to me, but not to the rest of the world. I didn't want to tell him anything at first, but then I figured that he must know he is different and I thought it would be good for his self esteem to know that there was a reason for that.

So we have just told him that he has an aspergers brain, and that means it works works a bit differently. I could give him clearer explanations about things, and say 'I know that your aspergers brain finds this a bit hard to understand but ......' I think it has helped him to know, but we have always been very matter of fact about it and tried not to turn it into a big deal. It seems to have worked well.

Well, interesting, well now, when he does things silly, he says , mum you know its not my fault, i cant help it. There goes me throwing caution to the wind. I now think i should have just left him until he really can understand.