HELP ADVICE NEEDED URGENTLY

[webmum]

Ok, DD has in general been a good sleeper, she's now 2 and some days she refuses to sleep altogether, day and night, I don't make a fuss about day anps, as it is vital for me that she goes early (meaning 8-8.30) at night.

At times I've had to let her cry, but it doesn't always work. I know everything about the controlled crying thing that you shhould stick to it etc but dh is a soft spot and doesn't she her often so he'd rather take her down again than leave her cry.

Tonight she has been crying for 40 minutes now, at the moment there is a break, I've only gone in twice to try and repeat the concept bedtime to her, (as the thepry goes) but she just seems to get more upset the moment I leave again.

It just amkes me feel so bad, and I'm afraid after tonight's performance I'll ahve the neighbours at the door.....(either them or Social Services).

How come all of a sudden she doesn't want to go to sleep anymore? she used to be so good, I used to put her down and just say goodnight.

HMMM it looks like she's finally asleep, but I don't feel like I can enjoy the rest of the evening now, she was screaming so desperately.....I desperately need to hear from someone who has been in the same situation: toddler that suddenly refuses to go to sleep....oh no she's started again!!!

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

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I may be wrong, but I would have thought if your dd has no day naps then she would be very tired (perhaps overtired) at 8.30.

I did controlled crying with all my 4 and it worked within a week. However, I had dh backing me up all the way. If your dh doesn't do the controlled crying too then it's not going to work. I used to go in every 5-10 mins, and yes they did get worse as I left the room, I did sometimes get them out of the cot to cuddle them if I felt they were particularly distressed, but we persevered and in the end it took less than a week with them.

Have you looked at the controlled crying threads?

Good luck.

There might be all sorts of reasons for this webmum.
My DS went through this stage at 2 ... and in the end it was a bit like rocket science to work out the reasons ...
a) Sometimes he was overtired like SB says
b) Sometimes he was not tired because he had had a snooze in the day
c) At 2 he became more sensitive to things ... to change (we had a pretty drastic move from the UK to NZ and didn't have a permanent address for ages)
d) He became afraid of the dark ...
e) And for those reasons he became more clingy and needed to have us near him.

We got through that stage mainly with Star Charts ... and are now back at star charts to sort out the 'stay in bed until a reasonable time in the morning' stage that we are at now!!!
Star Charts do work as they are instant reward. You could even tell your dd that when she gets 5 stars or stickers she can have a treat (small toy from pound stretcher or something).

Controlled Crying does work if you are consistent and don't give in ... have you read Richard Ferber's book 'Solve your child's sleep problems' or Christopher Green's 'Toddler Taming' ... they both explain the principles of cc very well.

We did cc successfully when DS was younger when he was still in his cot ... it didn't really work when he moved into a bed ...

Hope you work it out ...

Hi Webmum, much sympathy, it seems even worse when your dd has previously been a good sleeper. I tend to agree with the other comments here, it certainly sounds as if she may well be over tired. Could you maybe try re-introducing a day time nap even if it's only a short one and also put her to bed earlier, say 7/7.30 or maybe earlier if she doesn't nap at lunchtime. My dd is coming up for 2 and is in the inbetween stage where some days she can happily get through without a nap, but she then needs to be in bed before 7 pm, or if she has a nap she really needs no longer than about an hour.
Maybe you could give these suggestions a go and see if there is any improvement. If not, I think you might have to get tough with her.
Best of luck.

just wanted to thank you for your replies, incredible how one feels better knowing you're not alone!!!!

I actually started writing a long reply to everyone earlier but managed to make it disappear (don't ask questions...), disconnected, had row with DH over holidays, had a little sob, and now reconnected again to try and lift my spirits before I go to bed.....

It's difficult to say if she's overtired or not, sometimes she's like this even after having had a decent (but not too long) nap in the afternoon...going to bed early on the days I work it's a bit difficult, we're at home at 6 and she has to eat, wind down..and obviously she wants to be with me after not seeing me all day!! Sometimes she falls asleep in the car on our way back and I've tried putting her to bed straight away, but then she wakes up at 7 or even 8 hungry and rested and then there's no way of putting her to bed before ten if not later.

In a way I think that it's just another way she's found to assert her own mind (one of the many she's been experimenting recently), basically she doesn't want to sleep because she knows we don't go yet and she wants to stay up.
Amother problem is she used to wake up quite early even going to bed at 8-8,30. (between 6 and 7) so I dread the idea of putting her to bed any earlier because of the possible consequences!!!

Not sure she'd be able to understand the star charts, but it would be a good idea to try.

Well tomorrow she's only having half day at nursery so I'll take a longer route to see if she falls well asleep in the car. And if she sleeps I'll wake her after an hour...we'll see. I have friend visiting tomorrow and no dh so I will be able to do the cc again, but then Sat I'm out and dh is rubbish at this.

I hope my message makes some sense, I'm really tired and depressed, hardly managed to eat tonight (well taht would be a GOOD THING!), and I can't even snuggle up in bed with Harry Potter as I finished it already!!

Must go to sleep now...thanks mumsnetters, I'm feeling a bit better!!!

I've just read your message and can sympathise totally - I'm going through exactly the same problem. My 2 year old DD has generally been a good sleeper and has always gone to bed at 7.30pm. I too work 3 days a week, so on those days it is impossible to get her to bed any earlier. Some days she will have a sleep in the day of an hour long, but other days she will not sleep. Either way, it makes no difference to her behaviour at bedtime. I put her down to sleep (she is in a bed now) and she gets up crying and comes down stairs. If I shut her bedroom door she gets extremely distressed and kicks the door!! We have put a stair gate at the top of the stairs so we can leave her bedroom door open and she still cannot come down stairs. Trouble is she just screams on the landing, the most awful screaming and this will last for as long as we leave her - 30 minutes one time!! The controlled crying doesn't work anymore as she can get out of bed. I'll go back up every fifteen minutes to settle her, but she screams as soon as I leave the room, then comes back out onto the landing and stays there screaming until the next time we go up. This lasts from 7.30pm to about 8.45pm and is very tiring and heartbreaking. Eventually she will go to sleep when you put her back into bed, but this is on about the 5th visit back upstairs. We've tried setting her and reassuring her, we've tried being stern, but nothing seems to be working. So if you find any solutions, please let me know!!