help - 4mo now sleeping worse than newborn

[camflower]

aaarrgh, just typed a great long rant and was about to hit post when i lost it!!!!!

i'll start again and try and be concise.

ds is now about 19 weeks (so tired i've lost count!).
he has never really napped during the day unless he is out in his buggy - he just doesn't do being put down in his cot and left to drift peacefully off - oh no.

he was breastfed apart from a bedtime bottle of formula (he was v slow to gain weight so advised to do this at about 7 weeks). always v happy with it, no problems.

he had third lot of jabs a couple of weeks ago and they made him utterly miserable. he had the bottle that night (and his first calpol) but the next night he refused his bottle point blank and has done ever since. (have tried different teats, expressed b milk etc etc).

he is also learning to roll and does a lot of frustrated yelling cos he wants so desperately to be crawling (he is a hugely active baby).

he slept 8 hours in a row once, about 3 weeks ago but that was a one-off - he would normally have between three and a half and six in the first part of the night, then more on and off and we would co-sleep from the early morning.

now his sleep seems to get worse every day - he doesn't seem to be able to go longer than an hour and three-quarters without waking up and wanting a feed - i feel like i am up and down all night and usually give in and get him into our bed half way through the night so i can get some sleep. i guess this is a growth spurt but it seems to be going on and on and i'm dreading the nights now cos i am getting so little sleep - and i can't go straignt back to sleep like i used to cos i am lying there worrying about how long he will last until he wakes up again.

pls tell me this is not going to go on for ever!

No advice, but sympathy! I'm in exactly the same situation and have just posted a desperate message on the breastfeeding thread. DD 19 weeks also, just learned to roll, wants to crawl, wants to put everything in her mouth, has gone from a lovely 12 hour sleeper (I tried never to be smug!) to 2 hourly feeds day and night. Also frustrated yelling and no longer happy to play alone for a few minutes. Spends most of the day in the sling, which is lovely but beginning to hurt my back.
We also co-sleep in the morning. I really could have written the exact same post! Must be just what 19 week olds are like!
Help!!!

Erm, well it may pass, but it may also be the famous 4 month sleep regression. My DD had never slept through, but only woke once and was a good sleeper until about this age. She then went downhill and now, age 8 1/2 months, wakes anywhere between once and 6-7 times (don't count wakings before we go to bed).

This is fairly common amongst mums I know (The increase in waking, not as extreme as DD). Kellymom has some statistic about how far more babies sleep through at 3 months than do at six or nine.

I think it's to do with them becoming more alert and active at this age. They need more external help to get into good sleep habits and avoid bad ones.

Sorry. I am sure some people will have more positive stories.

dd2 did a lot more night waking between 4 and 5 months, it was exhausting

co-sleep if it makes it easier and do try not to worry. Treat it as a phase that will pass and don't stress about the number of night feeds- just do whatever you can to maximise sleep for both of you for the time being

there are so many phases-dd2 went back and forth with her night wakings, tantalising me with glimpses of more sleep then whipping it away again. The one thing I know for sure is that worrying about it stops you sleeping so try and go with the flow!

My dd has just started doing similar at 6 months (having mostly slept through from 4 months). I have no idea what to do about it other than ride it out but I know exactly how you feel! Also have 3 year old ds and am struggling to get through the day, dreading dh going back to work on Wednesday.

It won't last forever (or at least so I keep telling myself) but it might last for longer than you hope... good luck!

Thanks for your replies, it helps to know you are not the only one struggling! forgot to mention that I wondered if he was teething early - he does lots of drooling. All in all he is pretty grumpy come late afternoon although a quick round of 'tommy thumb' usually gets a smile!

Have to say I think it is true that little babies sleep through and then often stop later. Had the same with my DS - long 9 hours at 9 weeks and now we are 10 months not longer than 4 hours! I took the path of least resistance and maximum sleep myself but there are many paths.

Quick suggestion - dd woke every 1-2 hours last night until eventually at 3am ish I swaddled her tightly with both arms in (she is usually swaddled loosely with one arm out, can't put her down at all without the swaddle). I thought it would annoy her but she slept for 3.5hrs and woke up for the day at her normal time. Probably coincidence but I am trying it again tonight!

"4 months sleep regression" rings an uncomfortable bell. ds slept well at 3 months, is now 4 1/2 months, and I've been blaming his erratic sleeping on a cold, then teething, and erm, another cold perhaps (can't even tell as he has been snuffly for the last couple of months). So I have been convincing myself that he will start sleeping better again soon, but perhaps that's just delusional! We have been having some lie-ins together which save my sanity - he sleeps very well with me next to him. Some co-sleeping at night, but I can't really get on with it with 3 in a bed - tie myself into origami shapes to keep the duvet away from him and then have to lie rigid not to squash him.

Re the bottle, there's advice on the breastfeeding / bottlefeeding thread. Maybe try in the morning when he is cheerful and not too hungry? DS took a bottle, then stopped and is now ok with it again.

Good luck.

I logged on to start exactly this thread! My 4 month old dd wakes every 2 1/2 hours for food and it's doing my head in. At 8 weeks she slept through the night once, and around that time she would regularly go for 4/5/6 hours. At least now is a bit better than last week when she was waking every hour and a half. (Was a bit worried that I had early onset alzheimers as genuinely couldn't remember what I had got for Xmas. Am hoping it is just sleep deprevation.)

Frankly though, I'd quite like it if one of you lot said that I only had to do X,Y and Z and my dd would be back on 8 hour stints. I don't really think I like the general consensus that this is a common 4 month regression.

Can't one of you at least lie and tell me it will get better very soon?

well i was only up three times last night and there was a stretch of three and three quarter hours -!!! - but on the other hand there were two hour-long feeds in the small hours. fortunately i've got another pile of library books and that helps me through the night. ds turned in 20 minutes ago so i think i will too, tempting as it is to ms/net -

My 4 month old wakes every hour from 2am, it is killiNg me. He isn't hungry as i have tried offering. He settles fairly quickly, but my god it is awful- especially when it is so cold!

hi, my 3m old wakes every hour, though hasn't been hungry for weeks in the night now. Keep reading that at 3m they can settle themselves....my first was a dream. I'm wondering if I'm part of the problem by reacting too soon by patting dd back to sleep. Should I leave to cry and sort out on dd's own?

slongers: do you find you can pat back to sleep? as soon as i try that on ds he just starts crying more loudly until i get him out of his cot and feed him! (up five times in the night last night)

slongers - we just moved DS (nearly 5m) into his own room for this reason. We were waking him up when we went to bed and I was reacting quickly when he cried... sometimes he was doing it in his sleep!

I'm not leaving him to cry (I can't bear it and wouldn't sleep even after he'd settled, so it seems a little pointless) but the extra time it takes to get to his room means if he is asleep he can settle again before I pick him up, and if he does need me I'm only three seconds away.

Not that he's sleeping any better than he was. He's waking at 9.30, 4am and 6am at the moment. No idea why but he's not hungry... just wants a cuddle and to go back to sleep on us.

I'm also currently suffering with my 4 1/2mo and was going to post this.

He was almost sleeping through and now he is up every 3 hours. I'm lucky that a feed usually sends him back to sleep, but every night at about 4ish he wakes up, doesn't want a feed, just wants to be awake and squealing (usually happy squealing, but it's bloody loud) and if I don't pick him up, he starts to scream. This goes on for about an hour and a half, and then he is awake for more feeding at about 6.

I can't cosleep because DH smokes and even if DH slept elsewhere, I wouldn't feel safe doing it because I'm so tired.

Leaving him to cry isn't an option and I'm getting bloody sick of people telling me it's because we should be weaning him.

Hey camflower - just saw you on the thread "do you ever feel you are doing it all wrong"... that's how I'm feeling at the moment. DS was such an easy baby at 3 months that I ignored all the advice about making them self-settle. He was easy to get to sleep for naps by joggling a bit and
then I could put him down, and he only woke a couple of times in the night for a quick feed and straight back to sleep.

On the plus side, he still goes down for naps ok, and feeds quickly, but he is waking every 2 hours every night, even though he's not teething any more, and last night it was about every hour, as in addition he woke twice with bad wind and took about half an hour to get down each time.

So I feel like I should be doing something different, but if left to 'self-settle' he scratches the back of his head madly, chews on his fingers, tries to roll over and just generally winds himself up. I thought once he found his thumb he could soothe himself by sucking it, but it doesn't work like that!

BTW, camflower, your baby may well be starting teething, mine drooled for a couple of weeks starting about 3 months, and I didn't realise till I felt a tooth coming through).

Another couple of things - I have just put extra layers on DS to keep him warm in his cold bedroom (a fleece jacket over his gro-bag) - that might be worth a try? Also, friends topping up with formula and solides who have same age babies are also having rubbish nights so it's not just because of breastfeeding!

Camflower Yes I can pat back to sleep (mostly) anyhow. Literally 3 pats and that's it fast alseep...until the next time that is.

roseietheriveter I think moving out of your room is a good plan - I'll try that tonight. I must confess that this afternoon I was quite preoccupied with my 18m old (hard work with both so small believe me!) and knew dd was tired. I ended up leaving for 5min, quick check, then left for 10, quick check, then after the next 10, did 3 pats and dd was FAST asleep. Couldn't believe it. dd clearly cannot settle self which is why I'm having such dreadful nights.

Everyone I know thinks controlled crying is the way to go. I just don't know...My 18m always settled at night beautifully and days were a problem. When he was about 5m (and i happened to be out) my husband left 18m to cry for an hour (when he knew 18m was tired) and basically settling the 18m in the day was never a problem...so there is some merit? Just not sure I could do it myself. Husband got right telling off i can tell you.

chocmoose - i know what you mean about the rolling over and chewing fingers. quite often during the night wakings, especially towards earlu morning, i'll find him on his belly doing push-ups and generally looking a bit stuck! think you 're right about the teething. i bumped into another mum i vaguely know in my local park and she gave me a couple of sachets of homeopathic teething powder - teetha.

think it might have helped cos we had a really good night last night! an accidental late early evening nap when i was still out and about meant he was all lively and i couldn't get him down until 11.10pm (he normally goes by half nine) but he slept until 6.15am, straight through! (either that or i was so knackered that i slept through any crying!!)

of course i'm sure that was a one-off and it will be business as usual tonight!

Glad you had one good night and fingers crossed for tonight!

Another one who's right there with you! Although i do feel much better knowing i'm not alone.

Started sleeping better around 10-12 weeks (around 6 hrs) and now 19 weeks co-sleeping and feeding every 2hrs. blamed this on being lax with routine over christmas but now back on it and no luck. She sleeps about 3hrs in the day (one long and 2 naps) but she's been cutting this back.

Last 2 nights she has woken us up at 4am chatting and laughing...very cute but not what we want. Cheeky girl.

I'm finding a power nap over lunch works wonders (no longer than 25mins-set an alarm- or you go into deeper sleep and feel groggy)

Good luck.

Co-sleeping is great but I can't help worrying about him getting overheated or something bad - although I've stopped worrying about crushing him to death!- my main problem is that when he does manage to wangle his way into bed with us in the early morning is that he likes to be permanently attached to my nipple!

Mine too (16 weeks). Feeling so tired and low, not really coping with my lively 2 year old as a result, especially with this awful weather.

my dd is 20 weeks I went back to work part-time when she was 6 weeks and am so tired that I keep falling asleep doing the night feeds (used to be 1 but is now about 3).

I'm not sure if she's using me more for comfort than food but should I try and brave a week of doing self settles or ride it out in the hope that when she's weaned it will be easier? not that she has interest in bottle/food....

(also have ds who is almost 3 so no time to relax in day when not working!)

slongers even the proponents of controlled crying say that it shouldn't be done before 6 months old. It's promoted as a bit of a magic cure and it is tempting but I'd say wait for a couple of months at least.

I have an identical story to most of the other posters.

DD 4mo (hiya MrsChemist!) and regressing like a b*gger.

Sleep at 3mo - 6hrs (bf) 3hrs (bf) 3hrs (awake).

Sleep at 4mo - 1hr (bf, wriggle) 10 mins (kicking practice, bf) 1hr (grizzle, more kicking, spit out boob, suck in boob, spit out boob, giggle, repeat) 2hrs (smiling in the dark and SHOUTING, bf, sick all over blankets) 20 mins (grizzle, wriggle, doze briefly, grizzle, flap arms, bf) 1hr (awake)

Why, why, WHY?

I think it began when we moved home. Am I a bad mother?

Shite, 21 week old DS is in the middle of the worst sleep regression - up five times last night from sleeping through - and we're due to move house next week. We're doomed!!