Please, please help - toddler and newborn

[melonian]

Am having panic attack at the moment as DH is going back to work on Mon and I have no idea how I'll cope with my 3 wk old DD and 19 month old DS! Newborn is not sleeping well at all - good gaps of 3-4 hrs between feeds during night but just won't settle for 2h between most feeds and always has to be deeply asleep on me before I can lie her down. Tried swaddling and dummy - she won't tolerate either. We are "co-sleeping" but snuggling next to me is not enough - she has to be on me. Her latch is not very good lying down, and even if she falls asleep on the boob, I have to wind her or she wakes up screaming 20 mins later.

Same during the day, but will sleep in her pram if on the move - does not fall for just jiggling. She's not that keen on papoozle sling - is quite windy and fidgety so needs to wriggle around to get wind up and doesn't like staying in 1 position in a sling for more than 15-20 mins, then I have to readjust. Won't be able to take her for walks when I'm on my own, as DS will only go in a buggy for 30 mins max.

At the moment, am muddling through with DH doing most toddler-care and me most baby, but due to the sleep deprivation I'm now starting to resent newborn for taking me away from DS in the day - how horrible is that? . I felt angry with her last night, which scares me. Don't know how I will manage to be up all night with DD then on the go all day with DS - no family nearby.

Thanks for reading all that - does anyone have any advice on how to get baby to sleep better at night?

I had a kari-me sling which worked well for DC2.

We co-slept in an attempt to get more sleep and I found DC2's latch wasn't great to start with but got better after about 4 weeks; the lying down latch was rubbish for us before this.

Lots of television gets you through the early stages. Ask mates round if you can't get out.

Sorry for brief post, DC1 poorly.

Good luck.

Swaddle!! Learn how to do it properly so no escaping limbs. Does your dd suck on soother or thumb? Sucking is great for self soothing and will get her off your boob except for feeding times.

For daytime naps invest in an electronic swing. Swaddle baby and pop her in securely on highest setting. Vacuum or hairdryer on to help her fall asleep (white noise similar to the womb environment). Sounds crazy but it works. Google The Happiest Baby on the Block for pointers on how to soothe baby and keep baby asleep.

Maybe try a different kind of dummy?
Get some good Maisy Mouse DVDs.
Maybe go out to todder groups. I always found my toddlers were much happier out and about. I did not have to entertain them and could concentrate on my baby.

My dc3 is now 9 weeks and for the first 3 weeks would only sleep on me. I used lots and lots of pillows to keep comfortable and make sure she wouldn't fall off me or the bed. At around 3 weeks she became easier and I could gradually ease her off me until she was sleeping alongside me. Your dd will probably do the same very soon.

I would also recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block.

Good luck. It will pass!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I can't offer much help as I wasn't breastfeeding. I'm just here to say find any way you can to get through the first 3 months. Don't worry about your DS - he will be fine and he won't remember this time. He may well act up/throw more tantrums/ cause you to feel like you're losing the plot but he'll get through this too and one day you'll wake up and think "I really can do this".

I used the telly a lot more in the early days and went out in the buggy in the wind/rain with the raincover on when i could feel I was about to lose the plot even if DS put up a fight over it.

I would also persevere with the swaddle. DD acted like she hated it but after she got over the initial shock she really calmed down and it got us through. I stopped swaddling about 14 weeks...I used the Mothercase miracle blanket- you can swaddle them nice and tight.

Other suggestions on here such as swing also sound good. Anything to save your sanity.

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I'd recommend a sling. Hopefully it will keep the little one content and you can keep things as normal as possible for the toddler. Its great for windy babies too.

You must remember to eat properly though. Its really hard work and with breast feeding too you'll need to look after yourself. I would second getting people to visit. Preferably with their toddlers to keep your eldest amused. The other mum can run around after them both, while you feed baby and drink tea and eat lunch.

I got caught in a loop of not inviting folk round because the house wasn't tidy enough and being a bit hard on myself. Had PND diagnosed at 9 months after DD2.

So yeah, Sling, eat well, see friends and fuck the housework.

Good luck

Thanks everyone,

If I just had 1 good night, I know I would feel so much better about the whole situation. Maybe tonight will be it!

Right will try swaddling again, and stuck her in the sling most of today, as she's just going to have to get used to it for when DH isn't here any more.

At least eating is not a problem...for either of us. I'm compensating for lack of sleep with food and we're still drowning in milk - poor DD gets covered in it every feed. I wonder whether that's why she's so windy.

Thanks again for replying

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Gaargh!

DD was awake from 8pm until 3am last night - how can a baby do that? DH took her for the first stint but she was crying so I couldn't sleep anyway. Then I think she was totally overtired by 11 when I took over and just wriggled and would not shut her eyes. Eventually got her off at 1.30am, cuddled her for 20min then laid down on the bed and her eyes popped straight open. DS was up at 6.00 sharp.

Since 3 she has only woken for feeds and gone straight back to sleep - why oh why can't she do it overnight? Think I am going slightly insane.

Tomw will attempt toddler group in the am and maybe see our friend in the afternoon.

Thankyou for posting. Nice to know others have got through it without losing all their marbles