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Giving Up Dummy

279 replies

Becky77 · 16/09/2008 15:59

OK so I keep reading that the best time to get rid of a dummy is 12 weeks as after that they for dependancy or something! My DD is now 13.5 weeks and uses a dummy to settle herself to sleep only. What I want to know is how long it'll take to wean her off it... How horrible it'll be and is it worth it seeing as she only uses it for sleeping? Oh and how do you settle a baby without forming some other settling dependancy ie rocking, singing, patting?

Thoughts please... Thanks

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Becky77 · 24/09/2008 09:08

Morning! We LO slept from 6pm until 6.30am waking only twice... once at 1.30am when she self settled and then again at 3.30am when she got boob.

@ Pudding25 - the thing about waking early isn't me having to get up as DD happily wiggles and grunts and coos until 7am... It's more of how it effects her naps... If she wakes at 6am she wants to go back down at 8am and everything is shifted forward an hour until by 5pm she's grizzly and wanting bed

I've put her back in her moses basket for her naps today... I want her to have some good naps again before tackling it... Plus she has a cranial osteopathy appointment next week so maybe I'll leave it until after that before trying again.

How's it going with everyone else?

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Ellibop · 24/09/2008 09:19

Hi, well he woke up at 10.30pm and started crying so I got him up, changed him and gave him a bottle. I put him back down awake and he went off to sleep (without dummy) within 5 minutes.

But then as usual he woke at 3.00am. I put in his dummy as was too tired not to, and he went straight back off to sleep. Then he woke again at 4.30am and this time the dummy only settled him for a few minutes. I left him to whinge for a bit and after 5 mins he went quiet and I thought he was back asleep, but annoyingly he started again a few minutes later and this time his whingeing turned into a bit more of a proper cry. Anyway, I put the dummy in and he slept for another hour, then at 6.30am he started again, so in goes the dummy and he sleeps til 7.30am when I get him up. I don't understand how he can go off to sleep without the dummy, and then sleep for hours without it, but then start crying for it later on??! We're thinking of stopping it at the weekend and seeing how it goes, although not sure how I'll settle him without it...

Will continue with dreamfeed as at least I knew he wasn't waking up because he was hungry, and it would probably take a few goes to see any benefit anyway.

pudding25 · 24/09/2008 11:09

Becky - I know what you mean. When dd wakes as early as that, it is really hard to sort out the naps for the day. I would just go with it and let him nap when he needs to. Now that DD is a bit older, I find it a bit easier to hold her off for her nap for a bit longer by putting her in front of In The Night Garden or carrying her around for a while.
Elibop - dd used to do exactly the same. She would often go off to sleep after the dreamfeed then wake up looking for dummy. I think it is because they are not totallu awake at dreamfeed at just drop back off.

If you are going to ditch it, get rid of them (or hide them somewhere) and don't use the dummy at all otherwise the baby gets mixed signals and doesnt know what is going on.

Ellibop · 24/09/2008 11:45

Oh I'm really not sure now. He obviously can settle himself and goes off to sleep ok on his own without crying and he got to that from being held to sleep without any sort of 'training'. Maybe I'm expecting too much from him and from what I've read on other posts this age is notorious for bad sleep due to growth spurts and developmental changes etc. Think I might just keep settling him and see how we get on, at least he's going for several hours at the start of the night - it's just so hard to know what to do for the best isn't it?!

TheGabster · 24/09/2008 19:29

Hello all! Sorry for my disappearance - I've had the afternoon off. DH sent me packing as he was home. Its be great. Got my haircut and managed to even shop - just for fun!!!! Woohoo.

Pudding - sorry, no sympathy. If you drink you pay the price . Have hardly touched a drop since the birth as I know I have to be up 6.30/7am and am more than likely to be woken around 5 (if not by DS, then sods law its the dog!) .

Becky - its a tough one the early waking thing. Think you are probably right to use the basket to get her back on track for now. It was about this age DSs sleep started to go completely pear shaped and I think we are only just recovering now. I'm not sure I would let her go over 2hrs without a nap if it was me. After 6 months they can go longer. Otherwise, like Pudding says, some things help babies switch off a bit. Definitely going out in the pushchair does it with DS. He kind of goes into a trance and have found when I can't get him to go to sleep (quite often over the last 6 weeks) pushing him around the woods for 1/2 hour with dog often seems to "refresh" him a bit even if he doesn't sleep.

Ellibop - sorry you had a bad night. Think you have the right attitude to try it for a few days before you judge - but I am a bit confused - did you feed DC between dream feed and 6.30 or not? Or was he just waking when the dummy fell out?

Becky77 · 25/09/2008 09:14

Morning All!

Lucky you having the afternoon off Gabster

Well the last couple of nights DD has been waking a bit earlier than 3am and playing around for a while... Im very happy that she's not waking up crying but the nose she makes still keeps me awake... so last night I decided to just feed her early and hope in put her back to sleep but it didn't she was wide awake in the dark and trying to look around and play... Perhaps she is getting too much sleep in the day afterall!

How was everyone else's night?

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ElmMum · 25/09/2008 10:17

I love this thread! Becky77 just pointed me to it from a thread I'd posted about sleeping.

You're all having all the same issues as me and you sound like your approaches are similar to mine i.e. think about it constantly, weigh up a million pros and cons, dither about what to try, try something and wonder whether it's made any difference, doubt yourself, try something else which adds to the general confusion, try and keep notes on what's happening but still lose track etc etc .

My 4 month old DD is started to stir from morning nap so won't post much now, but if it's okay with you guys will come back when I can and explain where we're at with night sleeping, napping and dummy action! Could really do with your advice re naps and getting rid of the dummy.

Cheers!

Becky77 · 25/09/2008 10:23

Ditherers us?

My LO has just got up too... She managed 1.5 hours!! But I've just heard her fill her nappy in a big way so better go!

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pudding25 · 25/09/2008 12:26

Hi Elmmum.

Last night was pretty non-eventful, although i thought DD was going to play up as she woke up a couple of times between 7-8pm. She woke up at 6am, fell asleep again, cried a few times at 6.30am and then went back to sleep until just after 7am.

She went down about 15 mins ago for lunch nap. Yesterday's was rubbish. She slept for 35 mins, let her cry for about 8 mins but I could not bear it so went in for a few mins, she quietened down. As soon as I left, she cried, stopped, cried etc. This went on for about 10 mins. I went in, soothed her and she fell asleep for another 12 mins!

We then went for a walk. she went to sleep - the heavens opened and I got absolutely drenched but did not want to go home in case she woke up!!

Becky77 · 25/09/2008 12:38

The things we do to get them to sleep eh Pudding!! I hope it goes better today

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TheGabster · 25/09/2008 13:11

Afternoon ladies.

Welcome Elmum

Hey becky, all sounds like a bit of a faf at the mo. LOL at the nappy.

Glad you had a good night Pudding. Re the pants naps, I wonder if you are just getting the same stage we hit when day sleep went completely tits up. Looks like we might just be getting out of it now, but apparently is common 6-8m dodgy bit so think am trying to say looks like a wellknown pants stage of babyhood and does not reflect of mothering skills.

And yes ladies, talking in past tense of pants day sleep because looks like we are having a corker. DS slept 45m morning and 1.5hrs lunch time yesterday and refused pm nap as obviously had had enough. Put him down early again in the evening - in fact have done all week, making sure in bed with lights out by 6.45 (usually 7) and that tiny change of 15m seems to be making a huge difference.

Stupidly woke him at 7.15 yesterday and was grumpy all day so decided to leave well alone today and he woke at 8.15!!!!!!! Can't believe it. Up so late that he did not want a morning nap so went to group, and just got him back asap, shovelled a jar of food in him and stuffed him in the bed. He is still asleep. 2hrs so far - there is no way I am waking him even if he sleeps for 3hrs!!! AHhhh bless him.

Becky77 · 25/09/2008 13:20

Wow Gabster!! I'm more than a touch

Naps here are going very well though since retreating to the comfort of the moses basket... 1.5 hours this morning and we've just passed that and counting for lunchtime! Hopefully we'll thoroughly entrench this habit so that when we try again she finds it easier to self settle in the cot in a few weeks time

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TheGabster · 25/09/2008 13:25

Thanks Becky.

Yup, think that is a good idea. Leave her in the basket for now, and maybe just concentrate on putting her in the cot once a day or something to play for 20m so she gets used to it. Try again next week.

Same here, it 3 days in a row with a good lunch-time nap so hoping it has fixed now!

Becky77 · 25/09/2008 13:29

Yep that's a good idea... I'll keep putting her under her mobile in there once a day until after her 16 week jabs then tackle it again

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ElmMum · 25/09/2008 15:58

Hi there, my little pudding of a DD is currently jerking about happily in her door bouncer, so...

I guess I just want to know if there's something obvious we're doing wrong/could do differently that would help her sleep better in the day and night. If not, then that's fine. She's only little and she's a lovely baby, so I really can just soldier on with broken sleep. But figure there's no point soldiering on if there's a tweak we can make that would get her sleeping through (she says hopefully!)

The main issue is that for the past couple of weeks she's starting waking up between 3am and 6am, frequently. We go through, settle her and she'll sleep again for sometimes 5 minutes before waking up again or somethings half an hour/45 mins etc, but basically from about 3am it's a constant round of waking and settling, until somewhere between 6am and 7.15am when she'll wake up properly, burbling and chatting to herself and ready to get up.

How can we get her (can we get her) to sleep more deeply and better between 3am and 6am??

What do you need to know?...

She goes to bed about 7/7.30pm. She usually goes down fairly easily, although in past few weeks have had to start holding her arms firmly against the mattress to stop her flailing about and waking herself up. Kind of like swaddling, I guess, but just til she falls asleep. (Didn't used to have to do that).

She has a dream feed at 11pm, goes back down in the same way as at 7/7.30pm i.e. doesn't take long to drop off but needs arms held. And then sleeps well til 3ish.

She occasionally wakes up because her dummy has dropped out, but only sometimes and you put it back in and she goes straight back into deep sleep so in some ways not too bothered about that kind of waking. It's the flailing around waking which needs arm-holding that is the problem.

Does that make any sense? Any ideas?

ElmMum · 25/09/2008 16:05

Here's my original post which maybe explains things a bit better.

DH thinks stopping the dummy might solve the sleep probs. I'm more inclined towards feeding her more during the day.

But maybe there's nothing we can do! I've been reading the Baby Whisperer but can't find anything about what to do with babies who have arms on springs!

WhyIsItRaining · 25/09/2008 16:51

Sorry to crash this thread late in the day. We're 24 hours into operation ditch the dummy and it has been hell. DS didn't sleep at all last night. Or rather, he went off to sleep at 8pm and slept until 1030 and then screamed with rage for the rest of the night and nothing we could do would settle him.

Neither DH or I got any sleep at all.

Can I please ask what techniques you all used in the night when your DS/DD woke up and cried for the dummy. What did you do to settle them back down again? We are a bit in despair and feel like we have regressed to when DS was 3 days old....

Becky - we spoke on another sleep thread and you gave me bin bag advice which has proved to be excellent....

Becky77 · 25/09/2008 17:03

@ ElmMum - Definitely drop the dummy... It makes them sleep lighter so that period when she's waking, which they normally sleep lighter in anyway, having slept for hours already, is just made even more difficult for them to settle.

@ WhyIsItRaining - ahhh the bin bag advice blushing glad it worked for you though Anyway in answer, How did you get ur little one to sleep to start with? Was he fed to sleep? Rocked to sleep? I suspect he hasn't learnt to self settle. Perhaps best to tackle dummy removal during daytime naps when you are more awake and have more patience. Next, how do you normally get him to sleep during the day? With my DD I waited for the tired signs at about 2 hours from her last nap then took her into the darkened room held her for a bit until her eyes started drooping then put her down. She cried for a bit so I picked her up and repeated... but left her to cry/whinge for a while each time and after a while she simply turned her head to the side and went to sleep!! Once I knew she could do this I realised it was actually quicker if I left the room and pretty quickly I was putting her down in her moses basket leaving the room, stand outside and hear her whinge out for a couple of minutes and then settle.

Does that help any?

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Becky77 · 25/09/2008 17:08

Just to clarify she wouldn't be screaming crying and I knew she was fed clean and tired. I've never had to leave her to cry in total for more than 5 minutes.

I don't think this is controlled crying or sleep training which wouldn't work on a baby as young as my LO it's just supporting them whilst they learn to self settle.

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ElmMum · 25/09/2008 22:05

So, today's bedtime...

Did bedtime routine and put her into cot, then sat out of her eyesight and watched her for 5 mins. She lay there basically shouting loudly - not quite irritable, not crying but not happy burbling either. Quite forceful noises. She was holding her dummy in her mouth. After about 5 mins she started to cry. I got up, moved her hands away from her face and held them against the mattress. She fell asleep in about 30 seconds. She's still asleep now.

Not sure I've got the stomach for dropping the dummy! Will give it some thought this weekend. MIL coming down from Manchester and she's going to babysit on Sat and take her on Sunday morning so me and DH can lie in. Could almost cry at the thought! Not sure we'll even bother going out on Sat evening. Quick pint and then go to bed, I think!

Hope you all have a good night's sleep.

ElmMum · 26/09/2008 08:41

Morning. Hope I'm not hijacking your thread but wanted to say my plan for next few days (before I plunge in and try ditching the dummy), is to up her food during the day.

So instead of 5 x 200mls, we're going to 220mls per feed and see if that makes any difference.

If not, it's goodbye dummy, hello unknown!

pudding25 · 26/09/2008 09:39

ElMUM - sorry to have to say but I am sure it is the beloved dummy that is causing the problems!! Try with the extra milk just so that you feel you can eliminate that possiblility then it is time to be brave!

WHY IS IT RAINING How old is your baby?

It takes a good 3 days to get rid of it. Our worst day was day 3 but it is so worth it. DD started sleeping through the night 4 days after it was ditched.
As Becky said, how does your baby get to sleep. If you are rocking or feeding to sleep, those things would also cause sleep associations.

My plan for dummy ditching was to start one morning. To only have one nap per day in the cot and the rest in the pram/car.
Morning nap - usually 45 mins. Sit with her for 20 mins to comfort her, leave for 5 mins, go in for 5 mins, leave for 5 mins. If she was not asleep after 45 mins, take her out in the pram to ensure she got a rest. (We only had to do that on one day. The other 2 days she fell asleep within 20 mins).

Lunch and afternoon naps in the pram.

Bedtime - same thing but keep going until she fell asleep. So sit with her, stroke, pat etc for 20 mins, leave her for 5, in for 5, out for 5 etc. The worst night was night 3 when she cried for 45 mins at bedtime (and I cried with her!).

Day 4, in cot awake, fingers in mouth, asleep.

Becky77 · 26/09/2008 09:48

@ ElmMum - You're not hijacking at all How's it going with your extra feeding?

Last night's sleep was great for us... she went from 6.30pm to 4.30pm when she got a feed and went back down until 6.30am when she played until 7am...

I'm planning on making the most of it until jab and growth spurt time in just over a week

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pudding25 · 26/09/2008 12:41

Becky - I presume you mean 6.30pm-4.30am although 22 hrs of sleep would be nice!

We had a good night too.DD woke up just before dream feed at 11pm and downed 5 oz really quickly which is unlike her. She then slept until 6.55am.

She has been asleep now for 30 mins of lunch nap - wonder what she will do today?

Becky77 · 26/09/2008 12:50

oh yes

LO has been down for an hour so far this lunch time... Although this morning when she'd been down for about 1.5 hours I heard a coo from the bedroom and snuck to the door to see her playing in her moses basket so God knows how long she was actually sleeping for!

The absolute best thing about giving up the dummy is that she wakes us happy though

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