Help with 11 week old - not sleeping during the day

[chucklechops]

Hi Mumsnet, this is my first post so please be gentle!

My 11 week old DD is wonderful at sleeping at night time, I bf her to sleep at about 7 - 7.30pm and she sleeps well, waking up for one, maybe two, feeds during the night. Day time is another story, when she gets tired she can't self-settle and ends up falling asleep on top of me after lots of cuddles and sucking of my little finger and if I try to move her after she drops off then she wakes up!

I'm really trying to get her to nap in her cot but it rarely works even though I put her in her darkened room at the first sign of tiredness. Grizzling turns into an over-tired meltdown and then she starts getting hungry as well so I give up and feed her.

My question really is should I be persisting in getting her to nap in her cot or is she still too young? Am I being cruel by leaving her to grizzle in the hope that she'll sleep or should I be cuddling her more and just letting her nap on my lap?

Apologies if these sound like silly questions but as a first time Mum whose friends don't have children I'm constantly worrying about doing everything wrong!

Can someone give me some advice, point me in the direction of a different thread where this was discussed (I did a quick search but couldn't see anything) or let me know what happened with your DC?

Thanks in advance!

Hi, my dd is 14wks and we get (or try to get!) her to settle for most naps in her room and have done so since she was v little. It is hard! We use a dummy. If we use the dummy at night, it is fine as she goes into a deep sleep but sometimes for naps, we end up putting it back a couple of times.
You could try leaving her for 5-10mins (I have only just begun this as I couldnt bear to do it when she was younger) then go in, cuddle her, and leave again for 5 mins to see if she will settle.
Also, have you got a set feeding time? Breast or bottle?
If you have set feeding times, you will have more of an idea if she is hungry. I am bf and she is a crap eater so I will sometimes top her up before her nap so that I know she isnt hungry.
It is hard though! Good luck. Hope that is some help.

Hi pudding25, thanks for your help. It's good to know it's not just my baby who's not settling during the day.

I'm breastfeeding her pretty much every three hours, I'm loosely following the Baby Whisperer EASY routine and we're doing fine on the Eating & Activity but even though she then gets tired she'll fight sleep and we'll end up three hours later so I end up missing out the Sleep & You-time!

I'll try leaving her for a bit before going back in when she cries - it just seems so mean to leave her crying, but I suppose it's for her own good.

Hi StarlightMcKenzie, I didn't mean to suggest that I leave my DD to cry, although some people have suggested I try that. I don't think I'm denying her comfort and cuddles during the day, I love her to bits and we always have cuddles and play time after each feed.

What happens with the naps is that I tuck her in when she's yawning and rubbing her eyes then leave the room but she starts to grizzle so I come back, comfort her, she gives me a huge smile so then I leave the room, she starts to grizzle etc etc

Sometimes it works and she'll sleep but usually this continues until she starts to get overtired then I realise it's been about three hours since she last fed so I take her downstairs and feed her and we try the nap thing again later.

What I meant by my last post was that I would try leaving her 5-10 mins before coming back into the room to comfort her instead of going straight in like I do now. I think there's a word for this but I'm not sure what it is. Do you think she's too young for that? I worry she'll think Mummy's never coming back so I always go in straight away.

I'm bfing her 5 times a day for about 30-60 minutes each time. Then there's another 1-2 feeds during the night for the same amount of time. She's doing well according to the HV's graph so I thought she was getting enough?

CC - it's called controlled crying. I don;t really know much more than that about it.

It sounds as though you are feeding enough but your dd is the best judge of that. FWIW I only feed mine 4 times during the day and she sleeps 7-7 at night (and has since 11 weeks).

My LO (10 weeks old) sleeps really well at night too these days from 7pm until 3am and then on to 7am. I was trying to get her into a baby whisperer type routine during the day in order to get her to sleep longer at night... But she seems to have done it of her own accord... Apparently once they're 12lbs it becomes easier...

Anyway so now that she's sleeping so well at night I am far more relaxed about her daytime routine and am letting her set the pace... She is feeding about every 2 hours unless she takes a long nap then it goes up to 3 hours and she is much happier for it.

ALso some babies just don't like to sleep in a darkened room during the day. Ours does at night but during the day she just wont stay down in her cot. Have you tried putting her down in the lounge in a carrycot or something similar? I either rock ours to sleep in her buggy or she falls asleep after a feed and I put her in the buggy.

I don't agree at all with starlight mckenzie saying that bf babies need to be fed all the time and she is too little for a routine. I think a routine helps to establish when your baby needs to sleep and eat. If you are always feeding her to sleep, loking at so many other posts on here, you will be hainvg probs in months to come trying to sort this out.
From your posts, it does seem that your lo is getting herself overtired as she cant settle herself. Dont do controlled crying - far too young for that.
When I mentioned leaving my dd for 5 mins now, I go back in after 5 mins, pick her up and hold her for another 5 mins. However, as she is so overtired. she works herself into a frenzy so I willput her down in the cot, give her the dummy and her bunny and stroke her face and then leave for another 5 mins. This is only now beginning to work at 14 wks. I couldnt have left her to cry for even a couple of mins before this. To be honest, what I would do if I were you (if you can) is pt her in the pram when she is showing signs of tiredness and go out for walks. She will get the sleep she needs and you wont get so stressed out about it. I did that for her lunch nap for weeks. You could even go to the shops in the car and push her around.

I agree with pudding. I think you are being a bit harsh to OP, starlight, to tell her that her baby is hungry and that she is leaving her to cry. DD1 got herself into an EASY routine by this age with no help from me. I didn't succeed in getting any "you" time, though, as she wouldn't sleep in her cot. Instead, she slept in the sling or pushchair. I was exhausted with walking around constantly to get her to sleep, but I decided I'd rather have a happy and well rested baby when awake.

I think at around 3 or 4 months (its a haze now) she did start to nap in her cot. I've found with both of mine that they got worse at napping in their cot as the day went on and they got more "wired". Why not try to get her to nap in the cot for the first nap of the day and leave it at that for now?

Alot of it is also down to personality. DD1 fought sleep like crazy in the day (and at night) but DD2 is now 16 weeks and takes 2 x 2 hour naps in her cot. It is not down to anything I've done - it is just that DD2 is much better at switching off than DD1 was.

By the time she was 11 mths, DD1 was napping exclusively in her cot - so you will get there eventually!

Wow! Thank you all so much for replying and helping me out!

DonDons - your baby sounds like an angel! It's nice to be reassured that every baby's different.

StarlightMcKenzie - In some ways I have got into a "routine" of feeding her every 3 hours or so and perhaps clock-watching more than baby-watching so I'll be more alert to see if she's seeming hungry inbetween feeds. However, I agree with pudding25's worry about bfing her to sleep and that possibly causing problems in the long term, I know I do it at night but I'm trying not to do it in the day as well. Can I ask, did you have any problems with your children later on once they weren't bf anymore?

Becky77, pudding25 & baltimore97 - I think you're right, I won't do Controlled Crying, I should chill out a bit and not insist she sleeps in the cot during the day. I might persevere in the morning (I put her in whilst I have a shower) but will go to her if she gets overtired and I'll take her out in the car / pram in the afternoon. The fresh air will probably do her and me good as well!

Thanks again for all your help!

Have you tried white noise to help her settle? When I was trying to get my DD (now 19 weeks) to sleep in her cot she could only do it initially with a white noise CD playing. Then I weaned her off that and she now settles fine. Look on ebay you can get them for only a couple of pounds. Or just put the hairdryer on to see if it works first!
HTH