When your partner/husband returned to work...

[finallypregnant]

How did you split looking after the baby?

I am doing most of it but hubby seems to think that he needs 8 hours of uninterupted sleep every night! I'd be happy with 3!

How did you work it out? Any advice in particular from shift workers!

I did almost all of it at night as he had to drive, deal with customers, make sense etc., and I had nine months maternity leave so I could nap in the day, go for nice walks in the park, shuffle around in my dressing gown, etc. Also with bfing there wasn't a great deal he could do at night. In the evening I got a break because he wanted to spend some time with the baba and we shared the dinner making (he mostly did that actually although it's nice if it's a bit shared - he might do the lions share but then I'd serve up and deliver it to the table with a glass of wine. Then we both felt looked after) and kind of problem solving the evening cries together - he was good at rocking while I got a bit of me time!

I had baby all day. He got up in night and brought baby to me to feed, dosed while I fed and then winded baby and put him/her back in cot. Also got me drinks/chocolate if I wanted it.

I breastfed so I was automatically on all nght duties BUT if I was FF (which I presume that you are from your post but apologies if not?), I would expect a 50:50 share over the week. So - either split the feeds each per night or what might be more sensible is that he does the weekend ones plus splits one or two other nights and you do the others. That way, you both get whole nights 'off'. I would also do alternate lie ins every saturday and sunday so you each get to laze in bed.

I breastfed so I was automatically on all nght duties BUT if I was FF (which I presume that you are from your post but apologies if not?), I would expect a 50:50 share over the week. So - either split the feeds each per night or what might be more sensible is that he does the weekend ones plus splits one or two other nights and you do the others. That way, you both get whole nights 'off'. I would also do alternate lie ins every saturday and sunday so you each get to laze in bed.

I BF DD and took a year off so we split things by me doing nights and him doing as much of the days as possible. It was 90% me for much of the time but those very rare lie ins were much appreciated

DH does do alot around the house to compensate - dishwasher, washing (yay!) and stopping at Tesco on the way home.

TBH I could not have slept if she was awake crying so my theory was that at least one of us was getting some sleep therefore able to deal with any emergency.

If it is any consulation things get a bit more even as they get older. I work 3 days and look after DD the other 2. Weekends are DH duty time with help from me.

DH did most of the night feeding (and really most of everything) for a couple of weeks as I was very ill after the birth and unable to do much at all, including lift baby . Once I was more up to it we shared fairly, taking it turns or having 'shifts' during the night for feeds.

I didn't find the whole 'sleep when baby sleeps' during the day thing was realistic at all and found looking after a newborn at least as physically draining as my full time job used to be tbh.

A friend of mine used to go to bed q early and her Dh would stay up later and do the 1st night feed at around 10.30 / 11.00/ She then did any other night feeds, around 3am or whatever (depends on baby obviously). That way both got sleep.

I did all night stuff by myself as I b/f and it didn't really worry me. DH would help at the weekend by getting up with lo at 6am / 6.30am or whatever time DS woke up so that I could get another couple of hours. Didn't see the point of us both being up in the night and being knackered in the mornining!

dd was bf but we always had some expressed milk in the fridge and dh insisted on waking up, this is a man who needs an earthquake or two to wake him up but somehow he wakes up for dd be it when she was an infant or when she is poorly.

also over the first few months he would often get home and cook dinner, he has also pretty much always done her bath

DH works evening shifts (gets home between 11.30pm and 1pm). When DD first born and he was on paternity leave, I was BF so DH did all cooking and tidying. During the night, i woke him up if I was struggling.
Now that he is back at work, I get him up between 9.30 and 10am (he used to get up about 1pm and not go to bed until 3/4am before baby because of his shifts!). She has one bottle of formula a day which he gives her around 10.30am. I wanted this as I wanted a break and he wanted a chance to feed her. Before he goes to work, depending on what time his shift starts, he plays with her, lets me have a break (sometimes I go back to bed, if I am feeling energetic, i may go to the gym or just to the supermarket). He may take her for a walk or just help me with her and around the house.
On his days off, he helps me with her and helps around the house although I usually make dinner (better cook! -although now we have DD, cooking involves making salad and putting a potato and something frozen in oven!)
Re night feeds - as I am BF, I obviously do them. I don't get him up any more apart from the odd occasion when I have had a real problem settling her. Thankfully, she now feeds and goes straight back to sleep.
If I was FF, I think I would like him to do some night feeds, probably the ones before he had the next day off.