A question about a 7 week old - from Dad

[hsbcarter]

Hi,

Our son gets his night time feed at 8pm and falls, more often than not into a sleep for 20 mins. I normally then put him in a papoose to which he sleeps contentedly for 2-4 hours while Mother is upstairs sleeping. I then take him to bed at midnight where he sleeps for 2 hours at a time in between breastfeeding. In his cot.

I can't seem to get him to sleeep for a significant period of time in the 8pm-12 shift without the papoose which was great when he was very young but am concerned about his future sleeping habits.

I'd rather not take him to his cot as his mother needs 3 hrs unbroken to really cope with next day.

Is papoosing him going to be a problem for the future?

Mother tells me that he does go down in the cot quite well between 12 and 6.

Can anyone tell me whether papoosing him is going to cause problems?

Thanks

HSB - The dad

You will get all sorts of answers here, but I would say he must learn to go down by himself eventually so you should have that aim in mind.

However he is only 7 weeks old and you are right, his mum needs all the sleep she can get right now, so do whatever gets you through this difficult time.

At 7 weeks old I would ignore all plans for future sleep and just do whatever works best for now. Your baby isn't old enough to be "playing" on your reactions, so just let baby do whatever he/she wants, I would if it means you all get more sleep.

It might be that your ds needs to be fed more often in that 8-12pm stretch - which might then help him to sleep for longer during the night.

Babaies often "cluster" feed in the evening - ie losts of feeds in succession - but then go for longer afterwards.

Apparently babies do not "recognise" and "get used to" routine for 3 months, so i would continue to do what you are doing to get you throught the first difficult weeks when you need all your sleep. In acouple of months he should start going for longer periods anyway and then you can change the routine and not use the papoose when you are less tired and more able to deal with the slight "unsettling" of it.

I don't think it will, may take a bit longer to break some patterns but that's it. But if you think it's better to let him rest out of the papoose, try it. That way you can also have some rest. Probably he is used to sleep at the papoose at that time of the day and it will take a little bit for him to get used to the cot, but considering he sleeps in the cot well later in the night I would not expect more than some "little protests" on the first day.

Hi, hsbcarter, welcome to Mumsnet. It's pretty common in my experience for the pre-midnight bit of the night to fall into place last, usually around 12 weeks. Sooo many babies (including my own two and my teeny godson) with very different routines just will not sleep well in the early part of the evening without help at this stage. At least with the papoose you presumably have hands free for a beer or the washing up...agree with lonelymum that for now, do what you need to ensure you and your dp get some rest.
What happens if you de-papoose him? (I think I can guess...)

i agree with prettybird about feeding lots early evening, then going for a long stretch 1st half of the night.

what worked with our babies was not letting them sleep after 4pm, and 2-3 feeds between then and sleeping say about 9 or so, usually resulting in a sleep til about 2 or 3 (bf or not)

You will get varied responses...!

I am of the mindset that learning to go down by themselves can happen later and if holding young babies in the evening is what works then fine (I did with both mine for many months and they both go to bed on their own now with no problems). My ds (now 17 months, 2nd child) spent his first 4 months in a sling (people used to joke they'd only ever seen the top of his head!) as that was what suited us at the time.

I would say to read everyone's experiences and then do what suits you, your wife and the baby...not what anyone else (including health professionals) tell you...good luck

As others have said, quite often babies will 'cluster feed' at this age i.e. feed constantly for a few hours through the evening. However, if your baby is happy in the papose then I really wouldn't change anything at this stage. Well done - it sounds like you are both doing a great job. xx

my baba start going into a sleep rountine when she was 8 weeks old, but all babies are different though! so you are doing great

When my 2nd was born she certainly had an 'issue' with late evenings. I used to feed at 8pm, then she would sleep for a bit in her cot. However come 10pm she would invariably wake (as I was getting to bed) and scream for a couple of hours. Or she would onlt sleep on me if I was upright. If I lay down she would wake and cry. Therefore for a few weeks I simply gave her to DH until about 1am, when I would feed again and she would go off happily in her cot again. I don't know why the 10 - 1am was an issue, but for a few weeks it was. Then it stopped. Don't worry about it, do what it takes right now to survive the sleep deprivation and ease her into routines as you go.

Thank you all so much for your advice. It puts my mind at rest. Without wishing to start a ferocious debate I do wish this site wasn't called "mumsnet" it has a slight off-putting resonance for (trying to be) responsible first time dads like me.

Glad I got over it and hope I haven't upset too many people by suggesting a name change on my second post ;-)

for what its worth, i dont like the name mumsnet either

no its should be summat like 'Parentsnet' so the dads dont feel left out

hsbcarter

Just to say welcome. Don't be put off by our title, you are very welcome to join us.

There is a father's site somewhere (can never remember it's name, I'm sorry), and there's nothing to say that you can't hover there as well as here, but we are VERY happy to have you.

You sound very caring, great that you give mum a 3 hour rest in the evening. Keep up the good work.

You sound like a gret Dad and partner. Wish my DP had been so considerate.

Great

What a great hubby. My DH is good too but found it hard initially (was frightened of handling our son). I'm just echoing everyone else really. It'll all fall into place eventually - the papoose shouldn't make a difference. I bed-shared with my son for the first 17 weeks or so of his life but at the age of 2 he now sleeps like an angel from 6pm through to 7am. Do what feels right and you won't go far wrong.

Mandy
PS: Agree about the "Mumsnet" thisg - trouble is it's become so successful that a name change could be a problem now.

I don't think you could possibly introduce anything at this age that will "ruin" a child forever. My ds fed day and night every 2 hours for the first 6 months. In between feeding he slept in our bed either on top of me or dh. At 6 months we put him in his own cot in his own room and did controlled crying so he would sleep through the night. Within 2 days he was contentedly sleeping through the night in his own bed. He is now 4 and is still a fantastic sleeper (would sleep through wwIII). When he's ill, or wakes up with a nightmare (once every 3 or 4 months) we let him spend the night in our bed and then the next day he goes perfectly happily back to his own bed.
I think the papoosing is great because it keeps you involved and bonding with your son as personally I think that fathers can get alienated and feel a bit superfluous sometimes in the first few months when mother is bfing and there is nothing that they "have' to do. (I put my dh in charge of nappies as I was in charge of feeding ).
Keep up the great support for your wife and wonderful care for your ds.

All I want to add is.... you are a fabulous father and husband. Well done. Keep up the good work.

You are fantastic. Having your baby close to you is a special time that you will always remember, and the fact that it is allowing Mrs hsb to get some sleep is just the icing on the cake.

We carried our ds around all the time, and did not get stressed out about "routines" and "bad habits" and ds is now a fantastic sleeper at nearly 2.

There is no magic time you need to stop doing this, just go with what you want to do. I am very big on not trying to solve problems you don't even have yet.

hsbcarter, you sound like a great dad!
The only thing I can think of to 'wean' your baby of the papoose is to swaddle him ...
Some people don't like to do that but we did that with DD until she was about 4 months old and it really helped her feel secure if we couldn't hold her ....