i think i might be missing a gene to get my dcs to sleep

[beforesunrise]

this has to be the case. i cant believe the situation ihave managed to get myself in...

dd1, 2 and a half, lovely lovely child, but has NEVER slept through. hours of bedtime routine, and then wants to come into our bed during the night. we tried everythiung, and gave up trying "methods" about a year ago as we were getting absolutely nowhere.

dd2, 3 months, simply cannot fall asleep without either boob or hours of crying, rocking etc. we usually end up cosleeping, which i actually really love, but i can see where this is going...

you can imagine the interaction between the two of them at night... driving us all insane, and we are all at the end of our thether. it is normally about 10 oclock before they are both asleep, and then at night dh sleeps with dd1 in one room and me with dd2 in another...

i honestly think i must have some genetic deficiency that prevents me from knowing how to get my children to sleep. it really gets me down sometimes, i just dont know why everyone else is able to crack this, whilei cant...

ok, rant over. no need to write back, ijust needed to let off some steam. just had another fight with dh over lack of sleep, and i am upset..

Poor you! It all sounds awful, but I just wanted to say that you shouldn't blame yourself, some children just are not good sleepers! We followed exactly same routine for my ds 6mths as we did for dd, now 3.5yrs but he is still pretty bad at night, while she was brilliant from a young age. And 3 months is too young for you to be predicting that dd2 is going to be as bad. My ds could not fall asleep except on boob until a few weeks ago, but now settles himself really well. (still wakes a lot at night, but you can't win them all!) What methods have you tried with your dd1?

I know how badly it can affect relationship with dh when noone is getting any sleep - me and dh are barely functioning zombies - life definately loses its sheen doesn't it?

beforesunrise, loads of sympathy. At 3 months I think a bit of madness is still pretty much to be expected, and if you're happy co-sleeping and your dh can live with it you might as well go with the flow?

With dd1, are you or your dh in the room when she goes to sleep?

thanks to both. i know in my rational moments that this is almost certainly just a phase, and that in the grand scheme of things it wont be tooo long before things settle down again to some more acceptable ryhtm. of course it doesnt make it any less hard!

dd1 has really bad eczema and i am almost certain the itchiness wakes her up at night, so now we are working on trying to tackle that with some pretty aggressive strategies. as for dd2, well, i guess growing up should help!

my dh left today for work, i am on my own for a few weeks although my mum is here to help. it will be tough (he is a great help, even though we occasionally have our arguments), but in a way this will force me into finding some workable routine. so, i am trying to stay positive.... it really helps to read some kind words though, so thanks!

My sympathies, beforesunrise. Had 4 months of hell with ds1 and his sleep. He would not sleep anywhere but in his cot and even then only with hours of rocking, patting and tears. Fortunately he now sleeps well apart from when his eczema flares up (sympathise with this too).

Now having the same problem with ds2, and it's getting worse not better. Also won't sleep anywhere and is the only baby I know that won't fall asleep in the car! I've just posted elsewhere on here about the sleep problems we're having with him and, like you, think there must be something with me genetically!

Good luck while dh is away. I should count myself lucky, I moan when dh is away on call and I have to do bedtime with the 2 of them on my own. Puts things in perspective for me.

Lots of sympathy from me too! DD was a fabulous sleeper and dream baby until she was about 5.5 months...since then we have had a tough time with her. She too will only sleep after being breastfed (she is now 12 months) which is really draining. The alternative is lots of crying. And i mean lots - hours - which is pretty un-doable. She then wakes up every couple of hours throughout the night and ends up in with us about 4.30 everynight out of sheer desperation.

The really annoying thing is that she was sleeping through from about 5 weeks until 5 months-ish!

i often wonder where i wwent wrong but i think some children just sleep badly the way some adults do. Everyone has so many tips for us and just don't seem to be able to believe that we have tried EVERYTHING and she still sleeps like this. Friends and family look at me like i am a loon and say things like 'you are really making a rod for you own back you know letting her come into your bed' or 'you need to let her cry you know'. Thank you. i know! I've tried! is what i say but still people don't believe that a child can sleep this badly!

anyway, no advice, just sympathy and empathy!

Oh goodness, I think that I might be missing the same gene!

Dd1 - 2.5, takes ages to get to bed, only naps in pushchair at random times (and sometimes never), wakes 2 or 3 times a night, crying for a cuddle, or with night time cough (asthma), or itchiness (eczema too - doctor has recently suggested Piriton, which also makes them drowsy, but I just worry that we're just drugging her to sleep!)

Dd2 - 15 months, has to be cuddled on big bed to get to sleep, wakes maybe once in night for a cuddle, and then up every morning at 5am, oh and usually won't nap until lunch.

And they share a room, which is probably asking for trouble, but in our sleep deprived state, we thought it would be a good idea!

It seems that everyone that I talk to has lo's that sleep really well, and either look at me with pity, or suggest controlled crying (which I don't want to do, especially with dd1's asthma).

I have one friend who's lo's sleep really badly too, and we txt/phone each other all the time to compare how bad the night has been, it sounds silly, but it makes me feel so much better!

It really helps if you have a lovely dh, mine is fantastic, and shares all nighttime stuff, and has sat up for hours with dd1, before blearily going off to work in the morning.

That and very strong coffee (oh and chocolate) is what keeps me going!

Sorry, longest post in the world, just wanted you to know, you are not alone

I am also missing this gene!dd is 2 and only just sleeping through more often than not.ds is 8 months and sounds much like your dd2