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Sleep

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Original poster

Trying to stop feed associated sleeping - help please!

17 replies

walkingwomb · 23/07/2008 13:23

Hello! Our 10 week old DD has been a fab sleeper - we had 10 days of her sleeping through to 7 after a 2100 feed. However, that has started to fall apart now she is getting older. I have always fed her to sleep and then put her in the moses basket. Now we have moved her to a cot I have got lazy and just leave her on our bed until her dream feed at 10.30 adn then move her in to the cot.

However, recently she has started waking up a lot (last night every two hours) and even though she is not hungry the only way i can get her to settle is to feed her. I have tried leaving her to see if she cries herself back to sleep but she doesn't and gets so worked up that I feed her again and take her into the bed with us.

So i want her to start putting herself to sleep and am going to wake her up and put her into the cot tonight. HOWEVER, i am terrified as I have never been able to comfort her with the sitting beside the cot talking soothingly thing and don't really want to go down the rocking her to sleep road either.

Does anyone have any experience of going through the same and tips on how i can get her to sleep? Shoudl i let her cry it out? 10 weeks seems very young for that. Any help is really really appreciated!.

thank

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peachsmuggler · 23/07/2008 17:50

I think she's probably too young to self settle. Is feeding her to sleep going to cause problems for you? If not, I would just do that for now. I think people make too much about the fact that you will ALWAYS have to do this. She is still young and will learn to self settle when she gets older. One of the reasons that people don't let babies that young cry it out is that, apart from not feeling comfortable leaving a tiny baby to cry, developmentally they are not ready to "learn" from the sleep training. My dd is 20 weeks and needs to be fed to sleep at night and during the night (every 2-3 hours)but I believe that as she gets older she will sleep for longer periods during the night and that eventually, with a bit of encouragement, she will self settle.Good luck with whatever you try!

Original poster

walkingwomb · 24/07/2008 11:14

really? it is not a huge problem feeding her to sleep at the minute, but i was getting worried after reading an article on self settling. She use to be quite good at it. Last night i cuddled her lots after her feed when she was screaming and then eventually compromised by feeding her a bit, putting her in her cot, feeding her when she was lying in hte cot (not very comfy for me) and then stopping to let her shove her thumb in and drift off. Hoping we can work up to just the cuddling. But your message has made me feel more chilled about it.

OP posts:

LadySanders · 24/07/2008 11:18

i am struggling with a 5 month old who is waking all though the night for feeds. his big brother didn't sleep through til he was nearly a year old. unfortunately i think its just the luck of the draw as to whether you get a baby that sleeps or not...

out of interest, what makes you think she's not hungry?

MrsBadger · 24/07/2008 11:22

buy or borrow a copy of the No-Cry Sleep Solution - full of good ideas and very sympathetic (unlike Some Gurus I Could Mention)

janeashersbookofspacecakes · 24/07/2008 11:24

I think you can carry on feeding to sleep for a fair bit yet if you want to. I used to give dd her evening milk in a darkened room till she was 2. I changed the routine one day and she made no fuss.

peachsmuggler · 24/07/2008 22:35

Yes, the NCSS is great. Also read the Baby Sleep Book by Sears and Sears. It has a really good chapter on the biology of sleep, and they explain that not only do babies sleep more deeply and for longer stretches, as they get older, but that they should also be able rto self settle. It's a shame that your baby used to be able to but now can't, but I think you shouldn't worry about it. I also worried about it as so many people seemed to be saying that it would become a HUGE problem down the line, but read those two books, they made me feels loads better. Am intrigued by the feeding in the cot. Genius, but how on earth are you doing it???

hester · 24/07/2008 22:55

I'm no expert on this, but I think 10 weeks is very young to be doing any kind of sleep training. Can you be sure she's not hungry?

My dd was still being bf to sleep at 8 months and by then it was really a problem. I did the usual putting in a bedtime routine and then withdrew bf and just sat beside her stroking her back while she settled. I know you say this hasn't worked for you but if you do want to sleep train I think this is the only way really at 10 weeks. She's way too young for controlled crying (in my view!).

My dd was sleeping through by day 3. Those first couple of nights weren't easy, and she did cry, but it can't have been as upsetting/difficult for her as being left alone would have been. She was cross, yes, but how traumatised can you really get with Mummy beside you?

Have you checked out the Andrea Grace website? I found her advice very helpful.

zwiggy · 24/07/2008 22:59

could be a growth spurt and she just needs to feed more at the mo

Original poster

walkingwomb · 25/07/2008 14:01

Thanks for all the replies.

MrsBadger - I got NCSS teh day before yesterday adn read it all. It has made me feel better adn I have concluded that we don't actually need to do anything just yet.

The hungry thing - she was not acting hunger (gapping, crying, putting her hands in her mouth - she was just smiling at me).

peachsmuggler - her cot mattress is set up high and i lowered the side a bigt and I am very tall!

Thanks for all the recommendations. I think i am goign to try to make sure she naps properly in teh daytime (that is falling apart at the mo) and just chill for a while. We are off on holiday soon anyway.

Thanks again.

OP posts:

Original poster

walkingwomb · 25/07/2008 14:32

hester - i have just looked at the andrea grace website, thanks for the recommendation. My DD takes about an hour to feed and so is really asleep when she is finished - i can't really do the reading a book things as it would be totally waking her up again. I can't even do it before the bath as she screams for her feed as soon as we lift her out. Nothing we can do stops this - even feeding her before! When did your DD become old enough to appreciate other relaxing cuddles or routine things?

OP posts:

GreenMonkies · 25/07/2008 14:45

"Now we have moved her to a cot I have got lazy and just leave her on our bed until her dream feed at 10.30 adn then move her in to the cot. "

Why not take the drop-side off the cot and line the matress up with your bed and put the cot against your bed (fix it with cable ties or something). This way you both get maximum boobing and sleep without her having to be on her own or you having to get up to feed her.

You should really be feeding on demand still, she's only tiny and has at least two growth spurts to go through yet, so don't try to get her to "self settle", just plug her in and let her do it the way nature intended!!

Monkies

GreenMonkies · 25/07/2008 14:46

Oh, yes;

"Shoudl i let her cry it out? "

Never, never, never, no matter how old she is.

Monkies

hester · 25/07/2008 21:33

ww, I think the Andrea Grace recommendations are mainly for older babies, and yes I take your point about 10 weeks being a bit young for story books! - I think we started bedtime story at about five months (fantastic book called Cat and Fish, black and white woodcuts, all babies love it).

The point is to try getting her used to falling asleep on her own, so that means ending her feed just before she falls completely asleep. You could start by aiming to finish the feed when she is really, really sleepy but not yet fully asleep, perhaps singing very quietly to her as you transfer her to the cot. If she cries, try giving her a little cuddle but put her down once she calms down and gets sleepy again.

If this goes well, you can gradually put her down just a little earlier, so that she is going down awake and self-settling.

If it goes badly, I don't think you have much option other than to go with her wishes for awhile and try again in a couple of weeks. She is way too young for controlled crying, IMO.

I think there is a lot of pressure not to let our babies 'get into bad habits' and there is some truth to that: I nearly lost my marbles when dd was eight months and waking up every hour of every night to be bf to sleep. On the other hand, I think their first three or so months of life should really be on their terms; if they will only go to sleep on the breast then I think go with that for awhile, keep trying every once in a while, if this is still going on by the time she is, say, six months then you can get tougher then.

Original poster

walkingwomb · 25/07/2008 22:15

thank you all for your comments. I am not going to CC her - was just a silly first time mum comment. I am feelign a lot more relaxed about things. She was awake a couple of times this evening and the last time was just sitting smiling at me and so i left her and she went ot sleep! I realise now that we are goign to have lots of ups and downs and just to relax and go with teh flow now.

thanks

OP posts:

hester · 25/07/2008 23:03

I think you sound very sane for a first time mum, ww - I was quite unhinged for at least a year.
Really glad things are taking a turn for the better. Get some sleep while you can!

nik76 · 26/07/2008 07:34

Hi Walkingwomb

My DD is now 18 weeks and I ahve the same experience. DD was happy to be put inot crib awake and would settle herself however gradually insisted on being bf to sleep. Currently I am still trying to put her down awake however if that's not what she wants that day then I feed her to sleep.

I knwo what you mean about the last feed - I bath DD and before I ahve put her clothes on she is screaming for a feed and I cluster feed at night so she's had one feed 1-2hours before!!!

They like the comfort of our boobies.

DD is a thumb sucker too and used to use that to go to sleep noe she likes me instead - although will use during the night.

So sorry no real advice but but lots of nodding and agreeing x

peachsmuggler · 26/07/2008 12:21

That's great new walking womb! My dd did a similar thing last night! After an evening of being up and down out of her cot I put her in asleep about midnight and of course she woke up and started fussing. I needed to brush my teeth so left her and my boyfriend looked in and she seemed to be asleep but then started fussing again. I turned on her little toy which plays wave music and she fell asleep. She has NEVER done anything like it before. I am amazed. And so pleased! Not to say she will do it tonight, but it's true that as they grow and develop they do things you never thought they would, and gives me heart that you don't need to resort to sleep training. Hurrah!

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