9 month old will only sleep if next to boob

[OneCandidUser]

I took the nhs advice not to leave your sleeping baby under 6 months very seriously (I realised now that I took it too seriously) and I think it’s caused a problem with my baby’s sleep association.

As I’ve never left her side, if she ever let out a moan, stirred or something like that, and I’d pop out a boob and feed her back to sleep. I’d put her on the bed next to me, watch tv (subtitles) till I wanted sleep, then move her into her cot ,I’d probably have approx 4/5 wake ups throughout the night - sometimes every hour but in her cot.

but come past 6 months and I was looking forward to evenings downstairs again, however I can’t leave her once she’s down: she wakes if I go downstairs and not next to her and it’s just gotten worst with now completely refusing her cot and has to
sleep next to me (and more importantly, boob). She’s now 9 months old and moving so it’s unsafe to leave her in the bed even if I thought I could get away for a tea (she wakes even if dad is next to her) and I feel like I’ve failed her.

I don’t even know if sleep training would work for her as she’s so reliant on boob. I’m not wanting to do cry it out, but something gentle just so I can have my evenings back. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and managed to find something that helped?

I have been there, is the bed you are using high up? I remember it being very difficult to feed to sleep and then sneak away. You could put her cot mattress on the floor, feed to sleep there and then try to escape. I also remember it being flipping annoying, but like you, I was stuck. Did get over it though, but tricky for a while.

There’s a difference between cry it out and not offering the breast at every stir. Crying it out would be to put her in a cot and leave her alone. Whereas I would try and remain with her but not feed her. Eg stroke her back, rock her, pat her bum etc. You do need to anticipate some tiring nights while you get this sorted though

I went to a floor bed at 13 moths with my second which was wild to me because my son was in a cot until 3! But she was also boob obsessed for sleep and really struggled with the transfer. Honestly changed the game for us, wish I done it sooner!

We had issues with our LO- now 7 months old.
We have sleep trained him by using a mixture of the The Ferber Method,and the chair method. As we were having issues with bottle association every time he woke and when he woke he had to be rocked back to sleep but was getting to heavy.
Honestly I asked Google and then used the AI tool for guidance and within two weeks he can now be put down awake in his room and self sooth, he also only wakes up once for a full bottle now! Instead of 68489 (or so it felt!) 1oz bottles!

My first was similar, he would only sleep right next to me, had to be pretty much nose to boob the whole night! When he got past 6 months and I started wanting to put him down for some of the evening without me (I actually think it was more like 7/8 months before I started trying to do this) but I would feed to sleep as always and sneak out, initially he would wake after a few mins and I would go back, feed to sleep again and repeat maybe once or twice more then just give up and go to bed with him. But after a couple of weeks that couple of minutes started stretching out until it would be an hour before he woke needing me, then a month or so in I was getting my evenings back, we still coslept so he had most of the night with me. Also did the same approach for daytime naps. Definitely goes against all sleep training advice but it worked for us, took longer probably this was but no crying or stress for anyone! I now have a second and she doesn’t need to be so close to sleep, she’s happy in her cot next to the bed so I do think some of them just need that extra reassurance at night of being really close whereas some are happier being in their own space. You’ve not done anything wrong they all get there eventually 😊

Also to add we had a monitor that beeped if it picked up motion and we hit left him on the middle of the bed, he never rolled anywhere close to the side and if moved at all the monitor beeped and I could watch/go in if needed ( never had to other than for wake ups)

And of course, when you are ready you can night wean if you want to. That does involve some protest, I would recommend a high neck top to limit access!