21 month old climbing out of cot and bedtime struggles

[Victoriaspongecake1]

Hi,
im looking for some help/hand holding/advice.

i think my 21 month old is going through some sleep regression. He’s learnt how to climb out of the cot for a few weeks now however though we had cracked it. Now nap and bedtime are nightmares. He keeps climbing out the bed, won’t lay down, just cries and cries unless I’m holding him or he knows I’m in the room. It took me 3 hours to get him off to sleep the other night. Last night he was up at 2am & 6:30am. His routine is
7:30 - breakfast
12/12:30-2pm nap (no later than 2pm, sometimes wakes earlier)
4:30/5pm dinner
6:30pm bath
7pm bed

i tried cutting his nap however made no difference. The later he goes to sleep made no difference to when he woke up.

he’s very able to climb out of his cot however I’m worried taking the rails off will just encourage him more to get out of bed. When I take him back to his bed, I don’t make eye contact, I don’t talk, I just put him back in his bed but I think now he just thinks this is a game.

i can’t allow him to roam upstairs as he will go into my daughters room and wake her up.

help! Any ideas would be great from 1 tired mum

I would try a later bedtime. The second wake period from nap to bedtime should be longer than the wake period from not ing wake up to nap time. He may be close to dropping his nap. Get a bigger bed and lie next to him until he goes to sleep. If he can climb out of his cot it’s nolonger safe and it needs to go. You can put a stair gate across his bedroom door.

If he can climb out the cot you need to take the side off as it’s not safe. He may get up to start with and you may need to spend a few nights putting him back but he will learn. I’d cut the nap to an hour and try that for a couple of weeks.

Stair gate on his door, cmake the room safe and either take the side off or mattress on the floor and leave him to it. The excitement will wear off eventually and he'll fall asleep when tired enough

6.30 Bath and 7pm bed is quite a quick turn around, maybe have a longer period of cuddles, story’s, quiet time.

He may just be going through a developmental leap though, your overall routine and approach to wake ups sounds fine. Does he eat well and get lots of fresh air during the day?

Cut lunch nap down or try 8pm bedtime.

He’s very active during the day & eats really well. Previously i would be able to change his bum, put him in a grow bag, dummy and bunny and put him to bed and he would lay down. Now he won’t even lay down, as soon as I put him in the cot he stands up, cries, climbs out. It’s getting to the point where he is disturbing my daughter and that’s not fair

Any chance it could be teething/pain?

This takes me back, it’s really tough.

I would probably do something to break the cycle you’re in. It doesn’t sound like he will happily revert to the old approach so I’d look to reset the bedtime process.

• make a change to his room such as moving the cot to another location
• do take the side off the cot if he’s climbing out as it isn’t safe
• talk to him about how he’s a big boy and will have a new big boy bedtime.
• get a new blanket / sleeping bag etc to reinforce the newness
• set expectations that you won’t be able to stay for hours
• Perhaps a night light or radio etc. we have always found these two very helpful to break the chain of bedtime dramatics.

essentially it sounds as if you’re both stuck in this unhelpful cycle of bedtimes being difficult so you need to make a change to reset things again.

I do also wonder if his dinner could be later?

No, he has all his teeth.

what time do you think I could push dinner to?

I’m going to take the side off his cot so he can’t climb out, cut his nap to an hour (that’s if he goes to sleep) I’ve spent the entire nap time trying to get him to lay down/stay in his bed. Yesterday I gave up and he didn’t have a nap all day. And putting a stair gate at his door.

thank you for all your advice

Some good advice above.

also, I have a similar age DS and we had to make 1.30pm his cut off time for a nap and push back bedtime to stretch out the afternoon.

Just checking, his wake up time isn’t 7.30am is it? Because 7pm-7.30am plus a 1.5 hour nap would be a lot of sleep…

also, it’s really annoying but the only way we can get him to settle down/ lie down for sleep is to sit in the room with him. You probably don’t want to do that but just solidarity that they can be really tricky at this age with getting off to sleep…

You need to put him in bed/ remove the cot sides. Him climbing causes a falling risk. Its dangerous.

Id pit a stair gate on the bedroom door so he can't wonder. Make sure there nothing dangerous in the room. If he wakes put him in the bed and sit on ge floor by the bed. Rinse and repeat.

Also I know lack of sleep is bloody hard but it could be worse snd its temporary. My daughter woke hourly from 1-4. Trust me it could be worse.

I’d say single bed/toddler bed and stair gate on his bedroom door and when he gets up nobody responds. The problem is if he’s climbing out he could hurt himself but maybe if the option isn’t there he won’t?
your routine sounds fine tho but I’d give this a go myself.
maybe some nice new bedding - take him to choose some for a “big boy bed” x

No so he wakes up any time from 5-6:30am but I thought if I try and keep him in his bed/room until 7/7:30am and come down stairs and have breakfast.

I have been waiting in his room & then slowly but surely making my way out but as soon as he realises I’m not there, he cries and it’s back at square 1. It just feels never ending 😩

He’s only 21 months, he won’t understand yet that if he wakes up at 5am he can’t go downstairs, you can’t really keep him in his room for 2 hours. 5am wake ups aren’t unusual for a toddler. My 2 year old often wakes at that time and I just take him downstairs and play with him and give him breakfast until the rest of the house gets up.

He needs to get used to the idea that you’re not staying in his room and that he will be okay by himself.

If you’re trying to sneak out he won’t be able to relax because he’ll be constantly checking if you’re still there or if you’ve snuck out.

I say things like I’m just going to tidy my room for a minute and then I’ll come back and see you. And then return a minute later… and repeat with imaginary errands so he gets used to you popping your head round the door but mainly not being in the room.

You can also try talking / singing / humming whatever from the landing or another room so he knows you’re still close by.. but not in the room.

It’s hard, but ultimately the sneaking out has to stop because it just ends in needing to sit with them for hours.

Good plan OP. He has to come out of the cot if he’s climbing it as he could really hurt himself. I’d add that you should get an extra tall stairgate for his room (often sold as dog ones 🤣) to hopefully contain him in there. Then obviously fully baby proof the room and if he’s messing around at bedtime you can always leave him to it with periodic check ins.

As for early waking, you could try a gro clock but he may be a bit too young for it and you also have to be realistic- asking him to wait from 6.15 to 6.30 might happen but if he wakes at 5 then zero chance he’ll want to wait until 7. Your best bet might be accepting he’ll only do 10 hours or whatever and then timing bedtime accordingly so you can have 7-5 or 8-6. It would be nice if they did but not all kids need 12 hours!

The mesh stair gates are good rather than ones with bars… if he can climb a cot presumably he would be able to climb a stair gate with bars.

Just checking he's not in a sleeping bag or grow bag? Agree he needs a bed now rather than his cot.
I know its not usually the done thing to sit with them for hours but he's still a baby, from hid pov he just wants his mum.
(I used to sit for up to 2 hours on the floor before dropping the nap. Now he falls asleep so quickly so I still sit with him until he's asleep at almost 4. He can fall asleep.on his own, he just wants me though and fair enough)

This!