Stopped bedtime milk and now my two year old will not settle

[SerenaCat93]

We just had our 27 month review and the HV told us we should have stopped giving our 2 year old daughter bedtime milk by now. So we stopped cold turkey bed time bottles and offer her milk in a cup before we go up instead, she won't drink it out of a cup which is fine because she doesn't really need it, she eats well and is a healthy weight.

It's been a week now and by day 3 she stopped asking for milk and now is happy to go to bed after a book with no crying so it's not that she's crying for milk and can't have it. The problem is that without the bed time milk she is wired and isn't falling asleep for 2 hours, high energy bouncing around her cot and wants to play whereas a week ago she would have her milk in a bottle, have a cuddle, go to bed and drift off after half an hour with no drama. It's not the sleep schedule that is the issue because only last week with the milk she'd drift off easily and we've never had any sleep problems with her she sleeps through the night so it's definitely not a nap time/too much day sleep problem, it's a lack of milk to settle her and bring on sleep problem.

She's not ready to drop her nap yet because she gets tired in the day and it makes bed time worse if she skips it because she's overtired but she just doesn't get sleepy and calm without the milk. We've tried calm time before bed, keeping the lights low, calming bed time music, none of it makes her calm and sleepy and I just don't know what to do, she's finally falling asleep at 10 and I'm dropping into bed exhausted straight after so get no time to myself.

Has anyone else had this problem when stopping bedtime milk? How the hell do I get her calm and settled/sleepy without it!? Cuddles don't work she just wants to play if I sit with her.

Watching with interest, sorry I've got no ideas to contribute

If she still wants milk before bed, that's fine. Lots of people enjoy a nice drink before bed to help them settle. Whether that be hot chocolate, tea, horlicks or milk. What does she drink from in the day? Can she choose a sippy type cup?

It’s the bottle and (potentially) timing of teeth brushing that’s the issue, not milk itself.

I’d do quiet cuddles with a cup of milk upstairs before bed, then toothbrush, then a final cuddle and bed. I think that’s basically what you were doing just with cup not bottle?

You don’t solve it, you give her milk before bed. Health Visitor advice should be taken with a huge pinch of salt in my opinion as children develop at different rates. You know your child best, milk before bed was working for you both and now this two hours of trying to get her to sleep isn’t doing any of you any good and you’re at risk of it becoming the norm.

If I were you I would change the bottle to a sippy cup that resembles a bottle, then a normal sippy cup and use it in the daytime too so it’s not unusual to her. If you’re adamant that you want to drop the bottle I would do a warm bath and a milky supper as part of the bedtime routine.

Either way she’s only 2 years old, i’d read my child’s cues more so than what the Health Visitor says should be happening and just use that as a guide.

We offer her milk in a cup but she won't drink it. It's not the cup that's the issue, she drinks water out of it all day long but as soon as she tastes the milk she spits out and says "bleh!" So I think she just doesn't like the taste of it in a cup, happens with both open cup and straw cup. She has it in her Weetabix etc. If she would just drink it out of a cup in sure it would all be fine but she won't and we were told we should have stopped giving her a bottle a year ago.

You’re doing the right thing, it’s bad dentally to falling asleep on a bottle at that age. I think it’s just an adjustment period but if it lasts another week or two you could try capping her nap shorter if you don’t already? Mine isn’t even 2 yet and we wake her 1 hour. Keep offering milk in a cup before you go out but you are looking after her teeth that’s a priority

Yeah but I’d hope they brush their teeth after, thats the issue here, not the milk itself

The order and environment of the bedtime routine is going to be key, we did bath, milk, quick teeth brush, settle back down to a story in a semi darkened room (maybe a night light) and then a cuddle.

Did she go to sleep by herself or on the bottle previously? Do you stay with her while she falls asleep?

Do you brush teeth after dinner? If the teeth brushing is your main concern i’d add in an extra brush so that the bedtime one can be quicker. It also encourages good dental hygiene for the future.

She did go to sleep in her bed on her after she'd had the milk but the milk would make her sleepy and she'd have a cuddle then lie die and drift off after 10 minutes. We brush teeth it the bath and she hates it so if we did that after milk she would just wake up again.

It might be totally coincidental. Both my kids were typically good sleepers and dropped their bottles at 12 months but went through an awful period of causing merry hell at bedtime around 2-2 and a half. It’s also isn’t an uncommon time to reduce or drop the nap and keeping it too long can mess up bedtime, and then yes of course she’ll be tired and very much need it because she went to bed at 10 and it becomes a vicious circle. It’s tough though so sympathies. But even if it is the bottle I wouldn’t go backwards. It’s really bad to let milk pool on the teeth because it’s been drunk through a bottle and then let it sit there all night because her teeth haven’t been brushed afterwards. I think it’s just a phase you need to ride out, be firm but fair at bed time and take a look at the nap and maybe capping it if she’s not totally ready to give it up.