Nearly three-year-old taking over an hour to settle at bedtime

[RascalQueen]

I’m getting so fed up with my daughter’s bedtime and it’s beginning to break me. She’s about to be 3, dropped her nap ages ago (unless we’re in a car), is now in a big bed, has finally (fingers crossed) started mostly sleeping through but bedtime itself is taking an hour or more.

She’s very determined, knows her own mind but if I try to leave she will just scream. She won’t wear herself out - just get louder.

I know lots of people go on about cherishing this time as you won’t get it when they’re older but I just can’t keep doing this every night. Particularly during the week it means that I don’t get an evening to myself at all before I have to go to bed. She’s the same with DH although he is a little stricter with her.

We recently went away with friends that did storytime and then put both their kids to bed, left their rooms and they each fell asleep on their own. I just don’t know how to get her sleeping independently.

Even sharing a room with her brother didn’t help her settle on her own - it actually made him regress to wanting more cuddles/adult there.

Does she say anything when she’s screaming? And what do you do?

Is she going to bed too early?

Will she settle if you stay with her?

MUUUUUUUUMY, MUUUUUUUUUUUUMY. Just getting more and more irate.

No matter what time she goes to bed, she needs one of us cuddling/holding her hand to go to sleep.

What time is bed time?

she is still so little. Many children still need company/cuddles before sleep. I rather think it’s the time she is taking to fall asleep that could be improved. What does bed time routine look like?

I’d say lean into what works and make it work for you.

if she falls asleep with cuddles hand holding, take it in turns for your or DH to lie next to her. You can set some boundaries like no talking or only hands touching … whatever feels best and you and your DH can have different ones.

Talk about going to your bed when she’s asleep etc so she knows what’s happening.

You might find that as the weeks go on she take less time to settle and you can reduce the time you spend in her room.

As adults we like to sleep next to our partner but we expect our children to sleep alone… sometimes all they need is a bit of company. If you take it in turns with your DH it means you both get some evening time. It means you can create your individual bedtime routines (you don’t have to do the same) and it might shorten the time in the long run.

You could either do a gradual approach - first holding her hand, then just sitting next to the bed for a few days, then moving your chair a little bit further away every night until you're out the door.

Or you could cold turkey it, ignore the screaming, keep returning her to bed.

Can you sit next to her and read? I did that and said I couldn’t hold hands as I needed to hold my book. It worked!