10 week old not napping

[TheyWereFriendlyCreatures]

My 10 week old (a week overdue if it matters!) won't nap for longer than about 5 mins during the day. She falls asleep feeding but usually wakes if I lay her down, or wakes soon after. She will nap for longer in the sling, and sometimes in the pram or car (although recently apparently not the pram or car for long!)

(At night she sleeps for about 9 hours - usually a 5 hour stint then waking every 1.5 hours ish.)

I've googled it and apparently 3 month olds should sleep 14-17 hours in a 24 hour period!!

Surely this cannot be right? 14 hours would mean a full good night's sleep for me, plus 5+ hours during the day getting stuff done! This can't be right, surely, as why would new parents be so frazzled?!

Regardless ... I gather she should be having several naps of half an hour+ during the day.

Advice on what is realistic as well as tips for napping welcome!

(I'm a lone parent to PFB, if it matters)

I’m pregnant with my third and I’ve been to all the baby groups and have friends and family who’ve had babies and I’ve personally never met a baby who doesn’t nap during the day for longer than 5 minutes.
I’d contact your health visitor or GP just to check baby over and see if they’re healthy/growing and putting weight on as they should.

A pacifier perhaps?

@xOlive
Gosh. Will do.

ETA: she was 75th percentile at her 8 week check, has been since birth. Dr commented this was good (?). She's EBF. Also she's doing well with things like head control and yearning to get moving!

She definitely has pain before pooing sometimes - this has got a bit better. I've been positioning her etc to help when it hurts and it doesn't happen as much as a few weeks ago. But I've wondered if this is interfering with her sleep.

Should add, every few days she'll have a mega nap of 1.5 to 2 hours, usually in the sling whilst I am out and about.

What has been your experience of a realistic amount and length of naps?

I'm going to try contact napping tomorrow, just to see if it helps at all. Books at the ready!

If by napping you mean lying alone in a cot, then most new babies won't do that.
They usually need a lot of help at that age, sucking, rocking, movement, holding etc.
I'd start getting her to nap after no more than an hour of awake time, whether that's in a sling/arms, going to bed with her or going for a walk in the pram.

At the start she'd nap in the moses basket with me in the same room, pottering about. Chilled music on quietly.

Should naps usually be with me holding her/sleeping next to her then? I'm new to this, bit embarrassed!

Should add she has plenty of close time, cuddles, time in the sling etc. Sleeps in a next to me crib at night, and sometimes part of the night co sleeping (if she doesn't settle after a later feed).

A 10 week old is unlikely to nap alone in a cot/moses basket. You can persist in trying to train her to sleep like that with a very strict schedule and you may or may not be successful.

Most babies that age are going to need help to sleep eg contact, rocking, sucking, motion. Personally I would prioritise her getting enough sleep at that age over being in a strict schedule or sleeping independently.

Around 4-6 months you will probably have more success getting her to sleep in a cot.

With my own babies that age I aimed for a loose routine in the day of nap-feed-play-nap throughout the day with naps in a sling or pram. Some people like to feed to sleep, I preferred to feed on waking as it worked better for me not to have them need a feed to get to sleep. Awake time was an hour or two and once they started to get fussy I got them ready for a nap and into the sling/pram.

Around 4-6 months when awake time got longer we settled into more of a routine of 3 naps a day at roughly the same times, then I started doing some naps in a cot and would settle them by rocking until almost asleep then putting them down and patting in the cot til asleep.

Surely this cannot be right? 14 hours would mean a full good night's sleep for me, plus 5+ hours during the day getting stuff done! This can't be right, surely, as why would new parents be so frazzled?!

😂😂😂

New parents are frazzled because 'sleep when baby sleeps' is not practical advice for most babies.
While the baby is sleeping, you are usually holding, feeding or rocking the baby.
I sat on the sofa watching a lot of box sets with my first baby.
Unfortunately with 2nd and 3rd babies that's not an option either 😢

The 12 hours sleep at night is not a full block either, babies need night feeds generally until at least 6-9 months (some later of course). A 5-6 hour uninterrupted stretch is often considered 'sleeping through'!

Ha! I thought "sleep when the baby sleeps" was rubbish advice! Even when she used to nap she would wake up as soon as the pram/car stopped moving.

I can't believe no one warned me they are likely to only sleep when being held (rather than just needing to be held whilst going to sleep)... like, I've totally been given the impression they will nap and you can put them down once asleep. People mention doing stuff "whilst the baby sleeps"! And what are moses baskets meant to be for, if not napping?

Anyway... so far today she's had one nap, in sling, for an hour. It took half a hour with white noise and gentle movement to fall asleep. She's currently feeding and starting to doze off again...

I found that for the first 8 weeks or so my baby would just doze off when they were sleepy, usually after feeding. They’d sleep in the pram, in the sling, in my arms in a cafe, sometimes on their baby gym mat, on anyone’s chest… Then around 8 weeks they became interested in the world and would no longer sleep anywhere or fall asleep easily!

At that point we had to find ways to put him to sleep and keep him asleep. Things like rocking or swaying, pushing him in the pram, sling walks etc. We’d then have to keep him in a quiet dimly lit space.

Around six months putting him to sleep got easier and he’d fall asleep in his cot, but he still needs quiet and dark to sleep - which is fair enough as most adults do too!

Basically in my experience I wouldn’t assume they’ll sleep when they’re tired and for the next couple of months you should expect to spend a good chunk of time trying to make them nap - quite annoying but a relatively short phase!

How long was she awake before you started trying for the first nap?
30 minutes to fall asleep suggests you waited too long and she was too overtired/overstimulated to drop off easily.

Gosh I feel bad you thought a baby would sleep on their own? They’ve been in your body for 9 months, of course they want to be on you! Use the sling, do contact naps and set up a safe cosleeping arrangement for the nights: youll get far more sleep. And expect night wakes for a long time; they are normal in thr first year and beyond.

If by napping you mean lying down in a Moses basket/next to me/cot then none of my 2 done than until they were over 1 and only on one nap a day and even my friends with baby’s that were ‘good’ sleepers were defo not getting away with it at 10 weeks. For my first most naps were pram, car or contact naps on the couch. My second was pram, car or sling/carrier because with a 3 year old in tow contact naps on the couch we’re not happening, wish I knew how good I had it first time around 😂.
at that age I would be expecting them to need a sleep roughly every 90m or so of being awake and getting at least 3-4 hours day sleep across around 4 naps

Mine was exactly the same. Only had a nap in her bed alone once she was on one nap and had moved to a floor bed, about 14 months

Wear the sling round the home, do your dd naps. Try doing this when she needs to nap and get on with meal prep, laundry, bedmsking etc. then at least you know she has had a good sleep.

good sleep in the day promotes good sleep through the night.

when you go out pop her in the pram, car seat etc

does she have a pacifier? You could try one for sleeping only

Our Moses basket very quickly became a receptacle for clutter - baby had no interest in sleeping in it! She just wants to be in your arms, OP. Go with it and don’t worry about the housework, this phase will pass.

Go about your day use pram or sling etc
You will form a routine.she is still very little.
Dont expect to "get things done"

I am single. So I do actually have to to "get things done" as there is no one else to do them. Fortunately being single also means there isn't much mess/laundry etc so it's not too much to do!

I do use the sling but also have been having her in her bouncy chair, chatting to her/singing/pulling silly faces etc whilst doing some jobs. She smiles and laughs and kicks her little legs so seems to enjoy this. Now I know to use the sling more to ensure naps.

@CarrieOakie when you go out pop her in the pram, car seat etc

She no longer reliably sleeps in the pram or car seat. She will be chilled in the car as long as it's moving, and often the same in the pram, just not asleep.

Other times in the pram will cry and need to be transferred to sling. (This is getting.more frequent, I daren't leave the house without sling.).She will only sleep in the pram for 5 mins ish, usually if put in it already asleep.

Sleeping in the sling, the car, the pram, or for a few mins after feeding all counts as sleep.
Very few 10 week olds are lying down in a cot to nap like an older child.
Having to walk around, push them in the buggy or hold them for naps is all normal.

anything for her to look at in the pram or car seat? It’s fine for her to be awake ( as she has had her sleep in the carrier) but maybe some distraction

huxkleberry app is good for eventually getting her into a routine ( and sleeping on her own)

for now though use the sling and distractions on the car seat and pram to stop her crying

It's the way everyone talks about it. Even the phrase "contact naps" suggests they are something different, not a standard nap.
As I said, when awake she gets loads of cuddles, is always being held by me, interacted with, in sling etc. In fact it's by following her cues that I haven't thus far been making her nap.- she seems bright and alert and happy, and easily comforted if upset (although I suspect some upset has been over tiredness.)

Not sure what is wrong with a next to me cot? It is like a bed extension, and I sleep right next to her on the edge of my bed. I did co sleep at the start but sleep better this way (presumably as I'm not frozen in one position around her). It was a gradual transfer and has made no noticeable difference to her sleep. She's actually fine at night, and as expected. No one talks as if a baby doesn't wake at night! It's just daytime there's an issue with her napping.

Anyway. By using the sling I managed to get her to have several naps, totalling 3.5 hours yesterday! She slept in the pram for about 10 mins too, but then wanted to watch the trees (she is mesmerised by this) then go in the sling.

If she’s fine at night I wouldn’t worry about her naps? More naps equals less sleep at night don’t forget. My toddler has never slept much in the day.

Most babies don't like to be put down - it feels unsafe to them, the feeling of falling and then being left alone. Mine would sleep in the pushchair, but only if I kept moving... I walked miles on mat leave because I felt so claustrophobic stuck in the house with a baby on me. Contact naps are just naps where the baby falls asleep on you and you can't transfer to a cot, which is most babies! Mine was fine to nap alone as a toddler, but not a tiny baby.

Moses baskets are infamous for not actually being used, because by the time they're old enough to tolerate being left alone to sleep, they've grown out of them. We had a next to me (and I would usually sleep with my arm curled around him as well) and for daytime naps just used the pram bassinet being rocked, or walking. As they get older they'll sleep in their cot, but at 10 weeks they're still really part of you and only just starting to be aware of being a separate entity.