Advice on stopping breastfeeding and feeding to sleep at 13 months please

[Catbells7]

Hi, looking for some advice on stopping breastfeeding at nearly 13 months and stopping feeding to sleep for all naps and night time sleep if possible.
For a few different reasons I need to stop breastfeeding in the next couple of weeks. I have already dropped our first thing in the morning feed and afternoon feed without any issue as baby is happy to have breakfast in the morning and falls asleep in car/pushchair when out in the afternoon, however, the rest of the time they are still keen to feed and very much use me for comfort to get to sleep.

My eldest slept through the night from 6 months and very quickly happily went down into their cot and settled themselves to sleep but my second baby is totally different hence needing some advice! They have been waking several times in the night throughout the past year to feed and only in the past month have started waking usually just once, sometimes twice a night so I have always fed to sleep as it has been the easiest way to get us all back to sleep. If I try to put baby down in cot they just jump straight back up either chatting or crying. Just last week they did 5 nights in a row of sleeping around 10 hours which was fantastic as I had been able to cut the night feed naturally or so I thought, but this week they are back to one wake up and they are ending up in such distress if I try to rock/sing/pat them to sleep no matter how long I try to power through to break the habit that I have ended up breastfeeding again to get us all back to sleep.

I know they are very unlikely hungry as they have a fantastic appetite during the day, eating 3 full meals and 2 snacks. They will go to sleep with rocking/patting/singing if my partner or mum is putting them down but that is just not happening with me and I'd like some help with dropping the rest of the feeds.

It is the right time to stop for several reasons but it is making me feel upset knowing that my baby still gets a lot of comfort from breastfeeding but then I know they are happy to get comfort in different ways from others and will get that same comfort from me too. It was easier with my eldest as they were only 7 months when I had to stop due to supply issues.

So far I have read that it is best if:

• my partner does all the possible feeds and night wakings for next few days;
• make the feed the first part of the sleep routine;
• introduce a comforter to create new comforting sleep associations

Does anyone who has been through this have other advice? Thinking I should drop the 11am feed to sleep first, may have to do this by making sure we are out during this nap as I honestly can't see how I am going to get my baby used to not latching on to me to fall asleep and my partner works full time so not around for this feed. Then after a few days drop the evening feed and get partner to do this until my milk has dried up?

Any advice would be really appreciated as I would like to do it in as gentle a way possible for my baby and get them used to the change gradually instead of going cold turkey, thank you

My second was very attached to the boob and cosleeping.

We night weaned at around 18 months old, I fed her downstairs and we said bye bye milk. I still put her to bed and lay with her whilst she feel asleep. She had always been fed to sleep by me and she would have been so much more upset if I wasn’t there.

We read some books about weaning together. Milkies when the sun shines I think was one of them.

We cut out the bedtime feed first and once we’d cracked that one her dad started joining us for bedtimes and then he started doing some bedtimes himself and once she was okay with that her dad took over the night wake ups completely and she had no more milk during the night.

She had a floor bed rather than a cot to make it easier for an adult to lie with her.

She was very very upset about not being fed to sleep. We had at least 3 nights of her crying/screaming with her face on top of my face. She wanted to be ontop of my face because she had always fallen asleep against my skin before and in the absence of boob my face was the only skin that was out. It was hard but I was there to comfort her through it.

I started cutting down when mine was about 14 months. I reduced day feeds first, so I only fed for her nap and then I cut that one. Then night weaned, luckily she was only waking 1-2 times by then but my DH would go in if it was before a certain time and we gradually moved this later. Now she's 22 months and only feed after dinner, I moved it to after dinner rather than bedtime so she'd have other sleep association for bedtime and also so my DH could then do bath, books, bed etc. If I'm out she is fine without it.
I would hugely recommend a floor bed, we started using once at about 14 months as well. So much easier than trying to get a toddler into a cot, I cannot even imagine doing that! And make sure they are properly tired, we cut our daughter's nap to 1 hour and 8pm bedtime.
I do think you have to be prepared for some tears, I was ready for it and we had them, but as long as you're there offering cuddles, songs, reassurance, that's all you can do. Mine did adjust more easily than I expected though

Thank you both for replying and explaining your approach, I didn't realise how long that was until I posted! @Crumpetring that must have been so hard having your wee one so upset they were wanting to lie on your face. I have thought about a floor bed as they seem really popular now and I have ended up with a bad back from this pregnancy, do your children both just now always sleep right through the night and don't/didn't get out of the bed when they were in it on their own?

My daughter is 2.5 now, she moved to a proper bed with a bed guard at around 2 and sleeps through unless she wakes up for a wee! At bedtime we say goodnight, sing a song whilst holding her hand and then leave the room. She can fall asleep without us there. Promise it doesn't last forever even though it's hard at the time.

She wouldn't really get out of the floor bed she's just cry for us to come. Our floor bed was just a cot mattress on the slatted based from the cot, nothing fancy or expensive. We used one because DD would never be put down to sleep in a cot 😂