My baby is a rubbish sleeper

[Betney]

As the title says, my baby is rubbish ay sleeping. He's EBF and about to turn 4 months old and wakes every hour at the minute and wont go back to sleep unless i feed him. I cant even blame a sleep regression because he's woke every 2 hours from 8 weeks old. His first stretch when he goes to bed can be anywhere between 2/3 hours but after that theres not a chance i get that long. I'm pretty sure at this point it's probably habit but i dont know how to break it because he refuses to settle unless he's fed again. I tried rocking him last night when he woke up at half 3 but because he wouldn't go back to sleep he ended up just staying awake until 5am where he finally fell back to sleep by himself. He did 4 and a half hours one night and then 5 and a half hours the next 2 weeks ago when i was ill and quickly reverted back to every hour when i felt better again. At what point is he finally going to decide to sleep for a decent amount of time so i can actually sleep? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Please dont comment just to tell me your 6 week old sleeps through. Great for you but i need stories from the other rubbish sleepers that there is light at the end of the tunnel 😅

He's not a rubbish sleeper. He's a perfectly normal baby and this is how the majority of them sleep. Adjusting your expectations won't make you less tired but will help you be less annoyed. Just feed to sleep every wake, bed share safely following lullaby trust guidelines, and feed lying down. My EBF bed sharing babies both started sleeping longer stretches at around 11 months and were happy in their own beds resettling themselves at about 14 months (I night weaned at 12-13 months, but didn't do any sleep training - (just waited for them to get older and need less support with sleeping).

He’s 16 weeks old. What did you expect?

He’s 16 weeks old what did you expect? Give him a bedtime bottle to make him feel full. He’s likely starving if he’s only settling when he’s on you.

Really feel for you OP because it's knackering and you're in the trenches. But I do think you need to adjust your expectations somewhat. Four months old is still really young- this is totally normal behaviour and it's great he will sometimes do a longer stretch at the start of the night. But he may not sleep for longer stretches through the night for a good while yet- my DC is still an awful sleeper over a year on from four months. Though a lot better than before.

It's also not just habit- he's a little baby seeking comfort and it's normal for him to be hungry for milk at all hours.

Hugs though- it's so exhausting when you're in the middle of it!

Try combination feeding. A happy baby is a fed baby. No point in neither of your getting sleep every night for the sake of being EBF

This sounds normal and significantly better than mine was at that age and for a long while after! Our society is obsessed with telling women their baby should be sleeping through but I don’t know why we think that should or would be the case. It isn’t a bad habit, he’s only 4m he hasn’t got a clue what’s going on.

Please don’t listen that he’s ‘starving’ this is such a stressful thing to be told and is partly why ebf numbers are so low. It’s normal for them to feed a lot at that age. Assuming he’s weeing pooing and gaining weight he’s not starving.

He's absolutely not starving but thank you 😂

@Hollyjollynights @BeastAngelMadwoman @Sillysoggyspaniel thank you all. I think I more struggle because i know he CAN do longer stretches, just doesnt 😂 i know he's still really young and learning to connect sleep cycles and what not so won't be sleeping through the night and its all totally normal, but those odd nights when he does more is like an evil tease 😂 he's a big boy, hes 17lb 7 and 69cm tall so a lot to fill but he does feed every hour and a half/2 hours through the day as well so waking that often at night isn't completely random. Good to hear he will get better, im just exhausted right now 😅 💛

He probably is. Don’t come at me when you’re the one with all the gear and no idea thank you.

He's had bottles with my husband when I've not been there to be able to feed him. Made no difference so clearly not the issue. And considering he's just had his review and consistently putting on weight and feeds from me every hour and a half/2 hours anyway, he absolutely is not starving. You cant tell me i have no idea about my baby feeding when you didnt actually know those facts? I've asked about his sleep not his feeding 😂 but again, thank you for your incredibly helpful comments 💛

My DD was like this and then all of a sudden started sleeping though (12 hrs) from 7months. Currently have a nearly 6m old DS and honestly I don’t even know how I am functioning. Every hour like clockwork. I’m really hoping he’s like his sister and just randomly decides to sleep through at 7m but I’m not holding out much hope!

As some others have said it is pretty normal for frequent wakes/every 2 hours.

Personally, if he is waking every hour and only settling feeding i’d look at sleep pressure, assuming there’s no signs of oral ties/mouth breathing etc. make sure there’s not too much daytime sleep eg no naps in dark rooms with white noise!

Also if he’s sleeping longer than 30-45ish minutes he can already connect sleep cycles. That’s just sleep training terminology to scare people in to thinking something’s wrong.

It definitely helps to understand that waking in the night is normal, only settling with feeding is normal, but there are ways to optimise sleep to make it enjoyable for all!

Aren’t you a ray of sunshine.

Ignore them OP. I’ve had one child formula fed that woke hourly and one child breastfed who also woke hourly. It’s just what some babies do.

both of mine I got slightly longer stretches by Co sleeping and one day they just got it and slept longer!

Please ignore any suggestion your baby is starving OP or that you need to give formula to 'fix' the issue. He's being a very normal (though frustrating and bloody knackering) little baby and you're doing a great job seeing to his needs.

My dd was definitely the same and I don't think we got a longer stretch out of her until she was 6 months old - and even then it was a few one offs. She was also the same with only wanting to settle on me but because she was ebf, this was the problem as the smell of me was making her hungry.

To be honest, things didn't dramatically improve until she stopped breastfeeding at 15 months. Things improved when she moved into her own room at 6m, but not even close to a full night sleep until she stopped breastfeeding.

If he can take a bottle then definitely take advantage of that by going to sleep when he initially does and ask your partner to do the first feed when he wakes up. I didn't have that luxury as mine was a bottle refuser.

4m is still so little, things will improve!

It's hard but it's just how many babies are. Mine did the hourly wakes ups from 6-18m (after sleeping better for the first few months).

You're not doing anything wrong. Hopefully you're on maternity leave at least, which makes this kind of pattern a bit easier, and it'll pass eventually.

I feel ya girl. We had the same.
My boy is 6.5 months now and this last month he has (mostly) been consistently doing at least 5/6 hours, feed, back down for 3-4 hours. If he’s a bit off it he wakes more, and (frustratingly haha) if we’ve had a busy day where we’ve been out with him somewhere (he naps well in the pram so he gets his naps!) for some reason he wakes frequently! Wonder if it’s because his wee mind is processing a lovely day haha.
Lean into it is my advice (but I get it!).

Have you seen Ruth the health visitor on Instagram? She’s great at affirmations of ‘normal’ behaviour for babies and has some good tips too!

www.instagram.com/ahealthvisitor?igsh=MXRnMG5qMDNnNHl6Mg==

Don't listen to the hungry, normal comments, not helpful. Sounds like the 4 month regression. Your mental health matters so it's worth sorting it, maternity leave isn't meant to be stressful. I do agree with the nice people above that you aren't doing anything wrong. Unfortunately the 1 1/2 hours to settle the baby in the beginning is not unusual but it got better for us quite quickly. White noise, rocking, a dummy and a solid bedtime routine all help but I am sure you've tried that.

I also have one of these babies. Mostly breastfed with a bottle of day of formula because I had to go back to work and it means I only have to pump once. He feeds often even at night. He’s not starving. I have loads of milk and can actually pump greater quantities of milk at a time than he drinks of formula. He’s gaining weight really well and has done from the start. Stop scaring women into thinking they are starving their baby just because they don’t sleep through the night.

And it’s much quicker and less stressful for mum to deal with breastfeeding lying down in bed than to get up and make a bottle of formula. Although you can share that task.

That sleep pattern is completely normal! He’s only tiny still and it’s important for babies that age to wake frequently to feed for nourishment, development and also to prevent SIDS. It doesn’t last forever

This is normal, its soul destroying, but normal.

It will get better, but it is so so hard.

Having done it both ways, I can categorically say that for me, having 8 hours straight sleep was far more restful than doing my back in whilst breastfeeding on the side and waking every hour!

I just can’t imagine telling a struggling and exhausted pp woman that she’s starving her baby and also being so rude and obnoxious about something I was so clueless about. Op your baby is above average weight and height, he’s clearly managing to grow a lot, if he were starving he couldn’t do this. Some babies feed a lot, some wake a lot. Do whatever you need to do to get through it for now and it’ll get better eventually!

My 11 month old was/is exactly the same and my 3 year old did the same too. I tried formula before bed with both but it made no difference because they aren't hungry. They are both big girls (the 11 month old is 98th centile - she's not hungry!), they just wanted the comfort.

With my eldest, it improved a lot when we put her in her own room at 6 months and just sent my husband in until midnight. Within a few nights she'd decided to stop waking up before midnight!

This didn't work with the youngest though. She would just cry. So, I've given up and co-sleep a lot of the time which gets us both more rest.

It's tough, really tough. It will improve at some point (this is what I keep telling myself).