9 week old sleeping 2 hour or less stretches at night - please help!

[SassyPeachShark]

My 9 week old baby (9 weeks tomorrow technically) won’t sleep longer than a 2 hour stretch at night in his cot - if that.

usually he has a 2 hour stint first thing (goes down for the night between 8-9 30pm) almost on the dot, then proceeds to wake throughout the night pretty much constantly. I know he’ll want to feed but after the initial couple of hours, it’ll take me about an hour to put him back down and he usually feeds to sleep (during the day too but has always done so and I can’t keep him awake, he’s a booby boy) but will wake within 20-30 minutes for the rest of the night. I usually have to give in and co sleep from about 4-5am when the exhaustion hits the worst and I can’t keep going any longer. I don’t want to co sleep but feel I have little choice if I want to remain sane.

i guess I’m looking for advice / others experiences and know I’m not alone - I’m reading all the time about putting newborns down drowsy but awake and that if this isn’t done they will never sleep longer until they’re toddlers but on the other hand being told by medical professionals that you can’t hold your baby too much and that it won’t create bad habits. I have tried a bit but don’t really know how to put him down drowsy but awake properly without upsetting him, he’s usually either too awake or starts crying. Most of the time he falls asleep feeding anyway but again I hear this is bad but feel panicked because I can’t stop him from falling asleep on the boob ever. I’ve tried tickling him, talking, singing but nothing works if anything it puts him to sleep quicker.

he’s gaining weight well and having plenty of wet and dirty nappies so I assume he’s full after feeds.

I never got my breastfed babies to fall asleep on their own till well after they were weaned, fed to sleep till a year, then rocked till they got too big. My oldest also wouldn't be put down to sleep till almost 4 months. I think he had bad reflux from CMPA and was just very uncomfortable. It was an awful time and almost killed me.

Does cosleeping work for you?

I can’t really help with the wake 20-30 mins after you have put him down ( I would just suggest co-sleeping from the start so you get more sleep but I appreciate some people don’t feel comfortable doing that), however please don’t worry about feeding your baby to sleep. I’ve done that with both my babies in the early days. The first was sleeping through by 6 Months and the second by 8 months. There is so much scaremongering around baby sleep and it’s very overwhelming when you’re a new mum.
you must be exhausted though.
is the cot right next to you in your room?
can you try sleeping with one of the sheets so it smells of you then put it on the cot? The most effective thing I found was white noise. I actually found it helped me sleep too!
good luck and I know you’ll have heard this before but this is just a phase and won’t last forever x

It's normal. So hard and tiring, but normal.

My DC:

• DC1 - pretty great sleeper. Was sleeping a 6hr stretch consistently from being about 8 weeks old. Was mostly breastfed til 3 months of age, swapping to formula didn't change her sleep. Sleeping through properly by 7 months.
• DC2 - not a great sleeper but not a terrible sleeper either. Mostly breastfed until 8 months, then was formula fed in the day and breastfed at night, but usually only woke once a night for a feed by then. Slept through at 10 months.
• DC3 - 9 months old, mostly breastfed, terrible sleeper. Usually only sleeps in 1-2hr blocks overnight, sometimes we might get a 3hr block. Often is awake for 1.5hrs at a time during the night, sometimes crying, other times fine being held but just won't go back to sleep.

The only thing we did differently with DC3 was the lack of dummy. I credit a dummy for the good sleep of my other two. DC3 sadly refused many types and we were gutted.

Thank you for the replies.

im exhausted - the thought of doing this for another 6 months and possibly longer is killing me. I wrote this post in tears as the tiredness got to me.

IsThisLifeNow - co sleeping has been the only way I get some extra sleep. My husband gives a bottle of expressed milk in the morning and I then get an extra 1-2 hours but DS always falls asleep whilst having his morning milk and ends up only having 2-3 oz.

i forgot to mention, a book I’m reading on baby development mentions under week 7 something to the effect of “hopefully your baby is now having at least 5 hour stretches at night” and some crap about 50% of babies doing so at that age and it just infuriates me because it makes me feel like I’m in the minority but from other sources I gather this isn’t the case at all and that most babies this age don’t sleep that long. It makes me want to throw the book at a wall and burn it.

lemonsherbert83 - when did your children sleep longer stretches (even if not sleeping through the night but longer than 2-3 hours at a time)?

we do have white noise on and the cot is next to the bed so I can reach my arm in. The white noise doesn’t seem to make a difference (we have tried with and without, same sleep).

We have a dummy but he rarely takes it. Usually only when we’re out in the pram and he’s getting fussy or upset, I try during nappy changes as that’s when he’s most upset and I’ve tried during naps but he just purses his lips shut lol

If he's a 'fall asleep on the job' kind of guy it might be that he's not getting enough at each feed and that's why he's feeding so frequently.

I would try taking him off when he starts to doze off early in a feed to wake him up a bit and then relatch and feed some more. You need him to have a bit more at each feed. Obviously, easier said than done because you can only do so much to keep them awake!

I personally feel he is getting enough milk from his feeds, he does feed for quite a long time during the day and I’ve also been trying to keep him awake longer. How do I know he’s getting a full feed?

Just to add I meant keep him awake longer during feeds, not keeping him up for longer between naps!

Sadly that's normal for tiny babies.
Co sleeping.is fine and if done properly it is safe and it means the mother actually gets some sleep. Would you consider doing it all night rather than just between 4 and 5?
Ignore the apps and books that say babies should be sleeping for 5 hour stretches, some don't.
I found with mine if I just accepted that they would wake every couple of hours I felt much better than if I kept expecting them to sleep through.

I don't think you can ever really 'know', but the clues to them not eating enough are:

Feeding very frequently

If you wake them up when they start to doze off and they then relatch and go on to feed a lot more (suggests they're falling asleep on the job, rather than stopping because they're full).

Thanks, I meant I start co sleeping around 4/5am and usually we get up around 9am. I’m not sure I feel comfortable doing it all night - and I ideally want to stop completely once he can roll as I’m petrified of him rolling off the bed! I usually put my arm out behind his body in the c curl if that makes sense just in case he starts rolling but it’s so uncomfortable

He never refuses boob but he is content for a couple of hours without if I was to play with him and not offer and won’t show signs of hunger for ages.

i just tried doing this and he did relatch but fell asleep pretty much straight away and kept sucking a little bit whilst asleep

Ultimately if you can't get him to feed more in one go then you'll just have to wait until he gets a bit older and can eat more in one sitting and therefore go longer between feeds. Some babies just take a bit longer to get to the point where they can eat enough to last them more than two hours. It's not easy, but you will get there!

Thank you! I just constantly question if I’m doing everything wrong x

Mine did this. It was exhausting. Sorry, no advice i just wanted to send you a wave to say I know how bone crushing this is

Thanks - it helps knowing I’m not alone :/ x

It's pretty normal sadly.
It does pass eventually, whether sooner or later.

It's knackering but seemingly survivable, if a bit miserable. We all come out the other side eventually.

I have a 9.5 week old and he’s my second.

For both babies the following worked to get them to sleep long stretches:

• swaddle/sleep sack with arms tucked in
• dummy
• white noise when sleeping
• keeping daytime naps to under a total of 4 hours
• ensuring that they are feeding as much as they can during the day rather than the night
• not letting them nap for longer than 3 hours (in one go) during the day. Therefore ensuring they don’t go longer than 3 hours during the day without a feed
• keep night time wake ups dark and boring for them
• making sure they are exposed to natural daylight during the day
• waking up similar time everyday
• if they wake up during the night, don’t feed straight away, instead try steps such as increasing sound machine noise, dummy and little pat etc. 1 step at a time before offering a feed. You might find they settle without needing a feed

Hope this helps!

Thank you! I’m doing most of these already but he doesn’t really take a dummy.

re not offering a feed in the night at first, I’d just be worried that I’m not feeding him enough / ignoring him being hungry - if he was truly hungry I suppose thought he just wouldn’t settle, right?

Look up the 7 safe sleep rules or however many and just co-sleep. It's the only way to manage. You'll only end up doing it accidentally if you carry on like this.
Sending hugs. Really rough time.

I'm not sure you want to know the answer to how old before DS1 slept for 4 straight hours most nights..... I'm far enough past it all to laugh at the "never sleep for more than 3 hours in the day" comment above, but id have been in tears 15 years ago.

Instead of DH giving the bottle in the morning, could you and DS go to bed at 8.30pm, and then DH give the bottle when he first wakes at 10.30/11 ish? A very early bedtime for me, and DH keeping DS in his arms for as long as possible gave me the best chance of a chunk of sleep. A 4 hour stretch seemed to be enough to tip me in to functioning rather than zombie. See if you can find a way to get that.

Sounds like maybe he’s a comfort sucker. Feed him and when he falls asleep change to dummy.

OP it’s hard. It sucks but it’s completely normal.

Oh that old ‘drowsy but awake’ bullshit, don’t try to do it, you’ll drive yourself mad. He will feed to sleep, and want to be close, or held by you or he’ll just wake up again. He’s waking because you keep putting him in a cot, alone. For the first 6 months all sleep should be in the same room as you, that’s daytime naps and early evening sleep, not just overnight. Even the lullaby trust has safe cosleeping guidelines now, because for most (breastfed) babies it’s an inevitability, and it’s best to do it safely than accidentally. Accept that he needs to be with you, preferably touching you, and stop believing the sleep trainer types who tell you that he needs to learn to go to sleep independently. That comes much further down the line, and not at 9 weeks.

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/co-sleeping/

He’s had a full feed when he stops sucking and unlatches, there will be pauses, when he just holds your nipple in his mouth, but that’s just pause, wait until he lets go. That’s a full feed. You said in your OP that he’s gaining weight well, that’s the other way you know he’s feeding well, good weight gain and plenty of wet & poopy nappies.

I disagree with the person who suggested not immediately offering a feed at night, if he doesn’t want a feed he won’t feed, you can’t force a breastfed baby. But 9 times out of 10 a quick feed will send you both back off to sleep and result in you being a better rested mum. Breastfeeding releases oxytocin in mum & baby and that helps you go back to sleep, don’t waste time and get you both wide awake by patting, shushing or jiggling, just scoot him close and offer a boob. If you’re concerned about him falling out of your bed, can you drop the side of his cot and sidecar it on to your bed? That way he’s safe and you all have plenty of room.

We already do safe co sleeping - if i ever feel so tired i feel I may fall asleep we also climb into bed together.

we have tried various things, DH used to hold him at night but he was getting too tired that it was becoming unsafe unfortunately :/

shirt term I can deal with it and find ways to cope but the fact there seems to be no end in sight is what I’m struggling with and that other people keep saying their babies sleep / slept 4-6 hour stretches from this age or thereabouts