How to put baby and toddler to bed

[acupofteamakeseverythingbetter]

Please can someone give me some advice on putting baby and toddler to bed when you're either a single parent or doing bedtime on your own?

It doesn't happen often as DH is usually available to put toddler to bed but on the rare occasions he's not here I just can't do it.

It started off well with me getting baby to sleep I then took DS up to bed and we brushed his teeth and read a story. He was just wired, climbing all over me. Baby then woke up so had to go and get him.

Took baby into my room to feed him, DS then came in climbed on the bed and was pulling baby's ear, hitting him and me. I took him back to his bed 3 times but he just kept coming back. I ended up putting them both in the car and going for a drive to get them both to sleep at the same time. Please someone help.

That sounds really tough! We don't do it often as we're normally both here, but if one of us is alone with both kids we do the toddler first (baby comes along for story time and gets fed at the same time). Our experience is that the little one is more flexible about timing, but the older one turns into a goblin if he's overtired.

I get the baby down first, toddler sits in a corner of the room listening to an audiobook with headphones. Then do the toddler. When it’s just me I put them to sleep in the same bed and move the toddler once my husband is back. Also, I delay bedtime slightly for them both to make sure they are properly tired!

It sounds like you just got very unlucky with the baby waking up so early after having been put down!

I put baby to sleep first as he was tired and ready for bed, I think you're right it was just unlucky that he woke so soon after falling asleep. It was all downhill from there. Toddler already didn't want to go to bed as DH bought him a toy today that he wanted to continue playing with rather than go to bed - understandable. Just a complete fail to be honest. But seriously how can you then put a crying toddler to bed with a screaming baby?!

How old are they both? It is really difficult, I do it on my own and for a long time I was tag team back and forth between them both on my own. Tbh I just let older child watch tv or play quietly until baby asleep, then take them up for stories and cuddles as soon as baby asleep. I've basically worked on synching their bedtimes so that older child is ready for bed around same time as baby so I'm not waiting up for hours to put them to bed!

Will.probably get a lot of grief for this but our toddler will get their tablet at night time if there's only one of us on hand to do bed time.

We then get the baby sleeping and move into the other room to then settle the toddler.

It works well so long as the toddler doesn't scream the place down when the tablet goes off and the bed time book comes out.

A few times I've just had to bed both in the same bed then move the baby into the other room.

OP just do what you need to to survive!

I used to get them ready for bed, pyjamas on, teeth clean etc, and then bring them downstairs for a cuddle and a book. They knew that once they went back upstairs and were tucked in, that was that. Rarely had any messing about from either of them but it was the one thing I was strict on. Bed meant sleep!

Id have let them continue playing with the toys while you sort the baby. I also make a big fuss of older child being a big boy and being allowed to stay up longer than baby. But I'm also pretty clear that once baby is asleep it's time for bed.

It’s tough, OP. I often had to do bedtimes solo. What worked for me was getting baby into a sling to sleep and then putting my toddler to bed and reading a book. When my son was in his sling, a bomb could go off and he wouldn’t wake. You will find your groove, it’s a lot of trial and error but feel assured you will find a routine that works for you. It’s always hard to see that when you’re in the thick of though x

I used to feed dd whilst reading to DS… he fell asleep to the last book and then we graduated into story tapes (this was back in the dark ages circa early 00s!) for DS to listen to after the last story. DD always fed to sleep and didn’t seem to mind where that was- so I had a beanbag next to DSs bed.

Definitely think you got very unlucky!

Once it all goes wrong I find I have to go back to the beginning of the routine. Start again with a bedtime story that both will like. If they are too dysregulated for a story, sometimes singing “The wheels on the bus” or another favourite song works to stop the crying. Once they are calm again try to put the baby back to sleep (give the toddler a screen if necessary - mine watches “The Snowman” in this situation - always the same so not too exciting I hope).

Its hard!

How old is toddler and baby?

I used to do solo parenting a lot as DH was military so either was away or worked nights.

When baby was tiny I would feed and pop in next to me just before DS1 bed time and pray he would settle long enough for me to do story and bed. Or if he was awake he was in the bouncer in toddlers bedroom listening to story (nor not!) I then put toddler down and carried DS2 out in bouncer. I also heavily relied on a sling so DS2 would be snuggled in sling whilst I cracked on with toddler.

Kids were new born and 2.5.

Now they are older (2 and 4) they do in the bath together then DS2 watches an episode of Bluey on my bed whilst DS1 gets washed dressed and ready for bed. Then DS1 gets in my bed and watches an episode or two of Bluey whilst I put DS2 to bed story and settle. Then I go to do DS1

I had 'stations' upstairs and down. So nappies wipes clothes etc. also my house is relatively small so can get everyone dressed on landing and still see in the bathroom.

I got them both bathed and read a story. Toddler then went off to sleep..no drama . Then baby either stayed up for a while or straight into his cot. Fair to say that they were easy.I was very determined with bedtime and it worked for us .
Luckily screens were not a thing in early 00s ,so bedtime was boring time so no distractions!

How old is baby? My younger two are 2.5 years and 10 months.

The following have worked for me when doing bedtime alone:

• Wearing baby in wrap while putting toddler to bed. Put baby down later. Baby is too old for this now but it was the most guaranteed success for many months.
• Feeding baby bottle while reading bedtime story to toddler. Toddler to bed (while holding baby), baby down just after.
• Putting baby down with toddler standing next to me, then putting toddler down.

In every case, I will have to go into both rooms to resettle multiple times. If both crying at the same time then I prioritise baby first. Toddler is in a toddler bed and can leave her room now (but she doesn’t miraculously!) so worst case she could come and find me.

Ive definitely had nights with both crying and unsettled, and it’s so stressful being up and down the stairs between their rooms. I also have a 6-year-old who thankfully is amazing and just occupies himself until I’m free to read him his bedtime story and tuck him in.

Unless absolutely necessary, DH and I never miss bedtime. If we need/want to go out, it happens after bedtime is done, so I don’t have to do it alone very often thankfully.

6 months in and still trying to figure this out. esp as baby is refluxy so try to keep her upright as long as possible after feeds. when husband's home (95%) of the time she just falls asleep in his arms and that's fine...when i'm alone with two of them esp now the older one can get out of bed! just euch!

Also how are people giving baby the bottle whilst reading??? It takes me two hands to feed baby....where are these additional hands coming too. My little one will not turn the pages of the book for me

When my older one was under 2, maybe til 2.5, she came into baby's room and watched Moon and Me on the iPad while I put him to bed. When she was a bit older she did the same in the lounge (small house, not far).

Had they been the other way round this would never have worked as DS would not be sitting quietly or trusted downstairs :-/ would have probably done toddler bedtime first with baby in a bouncer

DS1 is 2.5 years old (32 months) and baby is 7 months. DS1 just seems to not be a very good sleeper at all never has been. He used to only nap for 30 mins max and still wakes multiple times a night.

I think I need to be stricter with our daily routine and timings. So that hopefully by the time bedtime rolls around he'll be ready to actually sleep! Baby does actually sleep really well for naps and through the night I think it was just unfortunate that he woke in the middle of me putting toddler to bed.

I hate that I lose my patience with it all, any advice on how to stay cool calm and collected when it all becomes overwhelming? God it's bloody hard sometimes

The trick is to only read board books at bedtime, so that the pages are easy to turn and don’t fold over on themselves. DD was confident turning the pages herself from roughly 18 months, so we could graduate to normal books again.
I also cheat a little and have my 6-year-old help with story time sometimes, so he turns the pages.

There are 24 months between mine. When the littlest was teeny, I used to feed her or have her asleep in the sling/crib whilst doing the bedtime routine with the eldest - who has always been a poor sleeper and needs an adult with him until he drops off… Now that they are older, I tend to stick my PJs on and get into bed with them and we read together and have a sleepover 😂. I love it but it’s probably not for everyone!

I have 25 months between my boys and it's like musical beds in this house sometimes. I have co slept with them both. Maybe that's where I've been going wrong!

22 months between my 2 . They just had the same routine together and it worked for us.
Our third was 4 years younger so he was included in the bed time routine.Absolutely no screens and bedtime was boring,I am tired time worked for us .

I've been back and forth through various means. This has included -
Feeding baby while sat on toddlers bed.
Lying next to toddler and rocking baby in a baby chair with one foot.
Lying in my bed with both and then moving them.
Leaving baby playing in cot with toys while getting toddler to sleep in other room.
Leaving toddler listening to yoto while getting baby to sleep.
I find something works for a while, then stops for some reason. Biggest issue for me is that older child doesn't fall asleep easily!

When DD's were younger I'd put baby in the sling while doing bedtime with the toddler, more often than not baby would also fall asleep so I'd just transfer her when toddler DD was asleep.

My DH was away for weeks at a time starting when toddler was 2 and baby was 5 weeks old so I did/do a lot of solo parenting! I did bedtime together from day dot. All into the bathroom for bums teeth hands and faces bath if bath night, then all pile into my bed with stories. I'd breastfeed baby on one side with one arm and have toddler snuggled under other arm and read board books. Baby would inevitably fall asleep feeding so toddler and I had a special mission to exit the room without waking baby (made it fun and sneaky!) toddler would go first to their room and I'd carefully plonk baby in Next2me (or regular cot when little older) with white noise playing from YouTube on my phone nearby! Then I'd join toddler, tickle and cuddle them tuck them in and rub their tummy until they slept. If baby woke and cried out I'd go to them, saying to toddler I'll be back in 5mins. Then I'd return to check on baby (if newborn id now pick them up and bring them down with me to the front room) once old enough I'd resettle as needed or just leave them in the cot merrily asleep and head back downstairs with the baby monitor.

These days they're toddler and preschooler, still the same bedtime routine except we have stories together if one of their bedrooms after that eldest goes to their room and chooses another story to read in bed waiting for me while I settle youngest first.

It's hard but you'll find your groove @acupofteamakeseverythingbetter

Whatever routine works for you, keep the eldest happy first, since your eldest might remember, but your youngest won't yet.

There are 17 months between my oldest children and when I was doing solo bedtimes I would get them both ready at the same time, then all climb into my bed for story time etc. Once the story had been read, baby was placed in the cot next to the bed, lights of and white noise machine put on.
The toddler would usually fall asleep in about 15 minutes after the story and the baby was usually asleep too. I would then creep out, if I still had bits I wanted to do or I would just get ready myself and get back to bed with a book.
I co slept though, otherwise I found our toddler would constantly wake up once he drifted into lighter sleep and couldn’t sense someone beside him.