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Sleep

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Original poster

HELP - long sorry

23 replies

Gimli · 02/05/2008 22:57

DS sleeps well, as long as he is on top of one of us. We have finally decided this can't continue. He is five months. We have been sleeping in shifts. I have a back problem and a neck problem (car accident whiplash, not my fault)that is not getting any better. Dw is developing neck and arm pain. We have paid for a sleep specialist who gave us a routine. The idea is gentle withdrawal. Step one to get him on the bed next to DW, then to cot. We did everything suggested (story, bath etc). Patting, comforting next to us. But he has continued to scream, basically non stop, since 8pm. Both now exhausted, starting to get tetchy. We knew this was not going to be easy, willing to keep going wiht it, but three hours and no sign of sleep except on top of one of us. Please, help.

OP posts:

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:02

Are you going in to check on him every couple of mins?

Original poster

Gimli · 02/05/2008 23:08

We're not even leaving him. Co-sleeping with DW. Both of us been lying next to him, patting, singing, talking etc No luck. He's currently on top of DW again, using her like a dummy.

OP posts:

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:10

Okay. How old is ds??

Original poster

Gimli · 02/05/2008 23:11

born dec 3, troubled birth, emergency c section.

OP posts:

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:12

Sorry, realised that he is 5 months!!

I would put him down every night at the same time, in a darkened room and leave the room completely. Go in after a couple of mins, check, re-settle and leave. repeat the process until he is sleeping and do the same the next night.

It is basically CC but I did this with dd2 and have never looked back. You really have to be consistent and support each other as it is not easy but worth it in the end!

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:13

I found with dd1 that lying with her, singing to her, patting her was over-stimulating her and would end up making her more tired. Is your DW bf or ff??

Original poster

Gimli · 02/05/2008 23:14

What age with DD?
Worried about doing CC - we live in an open plan flat and trying to move (not optimistic) so its hard to get him in a fully dark room - because the flat doesnt have rooms as such!

OP posts:

Original poster

Gimli · 02/05/2008 23:15

Mixed feeding

OP posts:

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:17

Did not do CC with dd1 as had never really heard of it but she was a nightmare sleeper for years and still is at the age of 8!!

Did CC with dd2 from 12 weeks and after the third night there was not a peep out of her. She is now 14 months and she sleeps 7-7 every night.

the 3 nights were hard but she did not cry for any longer than 40 mins in total. But you have to be consistent and avoid picking them up etc.....I know it may sound harsh but it was life saver for me!!

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:18

Ok, dd2 was mixed fed. She would go down at 7pm and then dp would lift her at 10pm, feed her and put her back down. She would then sleep till bout 6ish (at 5 months)

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:19

wrt the darkened room, could you take him to the quietest darkest part of the flat at bed times??

Original poster

Gimli · 02/05/2008 23:23

Yes, need to do some work with the flat first - DW teacher and piles of stuff needs to go into store. He's asleep on top of dw again now.

OP posts:

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:24

I know I will get shot down in flames for this but I followed GF's book and it was brilliant! I know a lot of people dont like her methods but it worked for us!

Good luck!

Original poster

Gimli · 02/05/2008 23:29

Thanks. DW doesn't want to try CC. Given up for night. Damn.

OP posts:

K999 · 02/05/2008 23:31

I hope you get some sleep tonight!! It is worth remebering that the amount they eat and sleep during the day does have an impact on how they sleep at night!!

Good luck....

Original poster

Gimli · 03/05/2008 21:25

K999 thanks for all your help. We are tryng again tonight, and while we resorted to feeding DS to sleep he has, amazingly, gone to sleep on the bed next to DW. Been out for an hour now, the longest he's slept on his own since he was only a few weeks own.

OP posts:

K999 · 03/05/2008 21:50

Thats good! I know that you dont want to do CC but I still believe that whatever you do, you have to be consistent! So, if you decide that getting lo to sleep is easier the way you have done it tonight, do the same again tomorrow, and the next night and so on!! It may be also helpful for your DW to lie beside lo but not to sing etc.....perhaps knowing that she is beside him will be enough.....the key thing I think is that he knows that it is bed-time.....if you do the same every night he should get the hang of it and hopefully your DW will be able to settle him to sleep quicker every night! Good Luck!

zulubump · 04/05/2008 19:34

Hello gimli, for what it's worth my lo wouldn't sleep for ages unless she was on me or my dh. She was nightmare for about first 3 months. Then she settled down and slept well from 10pm -7am in her cot, though she wouldn't really nap in the day unless I held her. Then at 5 months something unsettled her - possibly teething, weaning, development, I don't know what! But she just would not sleep at night unless she was on one of us and it did start to drive me crazy! We'd spend all evening and night taking in turns to hold her.

So many people told me to do cc, but I couldn't bring myself to, I just didn't feel it was right for her or me. She'd get herself in such a state after a few mins. So I resigned myself to terrible sleep for a while. She is now 7 months and has got so much better without me doing anything special - just stuck to bathing and feeding her at same time each evening. She sleeps in her cot most of the night from 7pm-ish and comes in with us when unsettled.

Obviously every baby is different and no one can know how or when your ds might change his sleep habits if you don't do anything to interfere, but it can happen of it's own accord. I really do hope things get better for you soon.

By the way I had all natural birth, so don't think that the emergency cc has caused this!

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 04/05/2008 21:26

Oh goodness, you poor souls. I can sympathise, my DS was a nightmare until around your DS's age and it just about broke me, although he didn't insist on sleeping on one of us he had to be held all day and he would scream the house down with sheer exhaustion all evening and would only sleep lying down if I fed him to sleep and even that was dicey and oh god it was hell ... I digress ... still tired!

Anyway, a few thoughts which may or may not help.

Have you tried putting him down on his front? DS is now 9 months and still won't sleep on his back unless I lie with him and feed him to sleep that way. Once he had good head control i felt happier putting him down on his front, but you could also try lying him on his side propped with a cushion.

Are there any other ways he'll go to sleep, for example if your DW feeds him lying down, or if he's worn and rocked in a sling? Try a variety of ways to get him to sleep, and forget about this 'putting them down awake' thing for a bit. I found that doing this broke the habits more gently.

There are also loads of obvious things you will probably have tried, such as putting him to sleep on something which is warm and smells of you - like the t-shirt you've worn that day.

I can't emphasise enough the importance of believing that it will get better, probably quite suddenly, and you will be amazed that you have survived.

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 04/05/2008 21:32

We also found patting helpful - we would wear him in a sling and rock him to sleep while patting his bum, or when I was feeding him I'd pat his bum, and so it became something to associate with sleep, and as he got better at being put down around 5 or 6 months of age (around the same time he started to settle down for DP) we could pat him as we lay him down and keep patting him until he was in a deep sleep. It was like we replaced the feeding/rocking etc with patting, and it helped to smooth the transition from baby who would only go to sleep with me lying with him feeding him to sleep, to a baby who could be rocked to sleep and put down.

Now when he stirs in the cot we can pat him back to sleep, and I never, ever thought we'd be able to do that with him!

bambi06 · 04/05/2008 21:48

my ds has also been a terrible sleeper and although its still frequently everynight[8 months old] hes literally in the last two nights learnt to roll himself over in his bed to sleep on his tummy and prefers it.and settles himself to sleep better..my dd also would only sleep like that otherwise i might have only go t10 mins at a time out of her...i think he feels safer that way as though hes on me ... most nights he wakes a t 4 am and is restless and wont go back to sleep unlesss in bed with me and i give in ,,we get some sleep like that who cares.. i also got some great advice on the babywhisperer.com site..lovely other parents all having trouble but willing to help in any way..have a look and see if anything feels right for you..i cant do cc either..feel so mean, he gets so distraught ..

Original poster

Gimli · 04/05/2008 22:15

Hi everyone,

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast (great name btw) - he'll often go to sleep in the sling during the day, and we often resort to that hen he's tired. Patting helps, and we're trying him on his side, which he seems to prefer. DW sleeps next to him and he reaches out a lot. He has a rug which he sleeps on, but will suggest DW puts her T-shirt on top of that rather than the cloth as at present. That's a good idea, thanks.

bambi06 we'll try the baby whisperer, with you on cc. Can really see why it works but DW couldn't do it, and I don't think I could. We're too soft, I guess!

OP posts:

BerkshireBella · 05/05/2008 14:03

My baby is 13 months, 24 pounds and still falls asleep on her Daddy's chest each night

But once she is fast asleep we can put her down next to us and she just rolls over and that's that. If she crawls back on me during the night for a feed I just gently lay her back down after she has settled. But - she only tends to lie on me if something is wrong, ie she has a cold or is teething. Extra comfort I guess.

Hope it gets better for you.

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