Daughter can't get to sleep. Tried almost everything

[April0o]

Our 7 year old DD really struggles to get to sleep. It takes hours for her to finally fall asleep every night. This ongoing issue is severely impacting her well-being, as well as ours (mum and dad). She’s becoming increasingly emotional, frustrated and overtired, which makes it even harder for her to settle. We’ve been to the GP, but the support we’ve received hasn’t been very helpful or effective so far.

Her school (and we as parents) strongly suspect she has ADHD and dyspraxia, and we believe this is a major contributing factor to her sleep struggles. The GP tried to help us by pushing for a referral, but unfortunately, nothing came of it, leaving us feeling frustrated and stuck.

We’ve also tried every tip and strategy we’ve come across (a consistent bedtime routine, cutting out screens 1–2 hours before bed, relaxing sounds/music, reading, using an eye mask and a weighted blanket, having a dark, cool bedroom, limiting food and drink an hour before bed etc.)

Despite our best efforts, nothing seems to work. In fact, things seem to be getting worse. She often gets very upset, crying and repeatedly asking us to help her fall asleep, which is heartbreaking to watch. Her emotions are clearly heightened and we suspect overtiredness is a big factor.

This has been going on for over a year and we’re desperate for help.
Has anyone dealt with something similar or has insight into what might help? Could this be related to her possible ADHD, and if so, what strategies have worked for others in similar situations? Any advice or guidance would be so appreciated.

How many hours sleep is she getting in the end when she does finally fall asleep? X

Is it an option to go private? If you pm me I can give you details of a private consultant who has very senior NHS experience and you could pursue diagnosis for ADHD and at the same time ask about it melatonin. We know a number of dc with ADHD who use it with success. Sometimes ADHD medication can worsen sleep but sometimes it can actually improve it as they are calmer at bedtime.

I have also used a private OT to investigate potential dyspraxia - often now known as DCD, so can give you those details too if you would like them. Do pm if so.

You have clearly already tried a lot of really good strategies for improving sleep. These are things that have helped my very similar dc as well as the ones you’ve mentioned:

• consistent wake time every single day even in holidays, which helps to keep body clock set.
• Increasing exercise significantly, swim/walk straight after school and always walk to/from school
• Started talking therapy weekly to give dc a chance to express anxiety
• milky evening drink
• warm bath every night before bed
• ADHD meds have also helped our dc

Drinking tea (even decaffeinated) will really badly stop me sleeping (both falling and staying asleep). I can't really have any beyond early afternoon.

Maybe something she's eating/drinking is affecting her.

I would say she gets about 8 hours of sleep, sometimes 9. But we've recently encountered a new problem - she sometimes wakes in the middle of the night and then struggles to get back to sleep! This happens maybe once or twice a week, so on those days she's getting even less sleep.

I’ve had insomnia on and off for years, caused by anxiety mainly, it was awful when I was pregnant. I’m neurodivergent too (autism). I know the cycle of being really tired and anxious which then makes it harder to go to sleep so you end up even more exhausted quite well!

I read something on a random forum once which sounds really simple and silly but it’s honestly been so helpful in my situation. I imagine I’m walking around a supermarket and have to pick up three things starting with each letter of the alphabet. It genuinely works every time for me.

We have two DS with ASD/ADHD and sleep has been very tricky for us. Some things that help; waking up at 6.30 everyday, same bed time routine, loads of activity in the day.

We use audiobooks for our ds age 9 who struggles to sleep. He falls asleep listening to them.

He also takes a Bach's remedy night chew, I'm not sure it does anything but it's helpful as part of the routine and he thinks it helps, so we carry on.

Thank you! I will pm you. Yes going private is an option for us.

That's not too bad of an amount overall! Did you find she didn't need much sleep as a baby/cut out naps earlier than most babies? My eldest is 7 and she stopped her naps by the time she was 1 - yet my 3 year old often naps and my 2 year old still has a nap every day! Some really do need less sleep than others (but then again, I'm also questioning ADHD with my eldest based on a few other of her behaviours)

The waking during the night obviously isn't good, I'd definetely push for that ADHD assessment x

Would you consider melatonin? If so I would raise this with the GP. You may need to keep a sleep diary and I would emphasise that the main issue is falling asleep as this is what melatonin helps with.

My son's Dr has just prescribed piriton while we wait for paediatrics to see him for melatonin. He's 13 and PDA autistic.

There is a fantastic insomnia therapy programme in an app called Sleepio. Access to it can be prescribed by GP or I think can be paid for too. I have no idea if it's recommended for a 7 year old but I've had insomnia my whole life and this app was used by the clinic I attended during a very stressful time. It helped enormously.

It is personalised to you and uses a type of CBT therapy for insomnia. It helps remove the fear of not sleeping. It helps you think less about sleeping.

The two main tips that helped the most were:

1. Always wake up at the same time each day no matter what
2. When you can't sleep at night and you're panicking about not coping the next day, remind yourself how many times this has happened before and that you HAVE coped, you did it, you got through it. Release the fear that not sleeping will destroy the next day. Help your dd think of things she's still managed to achieve despite not sleeping.

The programme also explains how the body adapts to insomnia. Insomnia is not as bad for you a sleep deprivation from an external source. I find this comforting when I'm having a bad bout of insomnia.

I also have adhd so I really sympathise with you and your dd. Insomnia is possibly the worst thing about it for me and a constant companion. I hope she manages to leave it behind in childhood xx

Highly recommend a clock that does a sunrise and sunset. That coupled with slow deep breathing works really well in our house hold!

Thank you for the tips, especially the one about keeping consistent wake up times. On weekends, I’ve always hesitated to wake her because I feel she needs the extra sleep, but I can see now how that might be counterproductive. I’ll definitely start doing this moving forward.

What a good strategy, and definitely worth a try, thank you!

I have the same issues. Currently lying here with my 10yr old who has never ever slept consistently well since the moment she arrived. I've been asking for help since the health visitor days and really nothing has worked. We're now looking at melatonin and hoping that's the answer although I'm also guilty of letting her sleep at holidays and weekends. She has started running 2 - 3km twice a week but that's made no real difference.

Thanks for the tip about the Bachs night chews - very interesting! I will order some. It's definitely worth a try.

I know this sounds very basic after everything you have tried but when my son couldn’t sleep I used to tell him to move to the foot of the bed and it often worked.

Ds has adhd and has always struggled with sleep. I do actually aim for one lie in a week so he catches up but did find for a while I had to be very careful not to accidentally "jet lag" him. It was best to let him have that lie in on a Saturday then accept a later bed time Saturday and then a much shorter lie in on Sunday. But in his case, once asleep he gets good sleep and if he was exhausted from a late night and early wake up, but overall rested from the lie in, he would fall asleep relatively easily on Sunday or Monday. So that might take experimentation for you. We prioritised overall getting the extra sleep over risk of one night of.very poor sleep because we have always found that the more overall rested he is, the easier it is for him to fall asleep).

Melatonin can be hugely helpful if she's willing to take it which it sounds like she might be. I believe that many private psychiatrists will prescribe it even prior to the adhd diagnosis - ask when you contact them.

White noise has also been helpful for him - he likes rain sounds, a friends dd liked audio books (at surprisingly high volume - I assume to block out other noises?!)

Routine is good but I find has to be driven by him (NT dd responds to me putting a routine in place but he does not. Not sure if that's adhd or personality! Eg he actually has an annoyingly late bed time now, decided by him, but he has a routine that works and he will even admit to feeling tired when it fails. And everything else works.better so I let it go).

What works in our house is

Tapping ritual with positive sleep affirmations

Podcast called snooze with sam Harry potter edition

Going through the alphabet woman's name, man's name, country they are from and something they sell

Desperate times, something called magic sleep potion which is prition

Have you tried white noise? My autistic DD can only sleep with a tower fan next to her. You can get some good white noise machines.

Magnesium gummies are also sometimes recommended.

Not sure why my previous post is hidden. I just said that magnesium gummies were recommended to me when my DD struggled to sleep. You van buy kids ones in places like Holland and Barratt.