Daughter can't get to sleep. Tried almost everything

[April0o]

Our 7 year old DD really struggles to get to sleep. It takes hours for her to finally fall asleep every night. This ongoing issue is severely impacting her well-being, as well as ours (mum and dad). She’s becoming increasingly emotional, frustrated and overtired, which makes it even harder for her to settle. We’ve been to the GP, but the support we’ve received hasn’t been very helpful or effective so far.

Her school (and we as parents) strongly suspect she has ADHD and dyspraxia, and we believe this is a major contributing factor to her sleep struggles. The GP tried to help us by pushing for a referral, but unfortunately, nothing came of it, leaving us feeling frustrated and stuck.

We’ve also tried every tip and strategy we’ve come across (a consistent bedtime routine, cutting out screens 1–2 hours before bed, relaxing sounds/music, reading, using an eye mask and a weighted blanket, having a dark, cool bedroom, limiting food and drink an hour before bed etc.)

Despite our best efforts, nothing seems to work. In fact, things seem to be getting worse. She often gets very upset, crying and repeatedly asking us to help her fall asleep, which is heartbreaking to watch. Her emotions are clearly heightened and we suspect overtiredness is a big factor.

This has been going on for over a year and we’re desperate for help.
Has anyone dealt with something similar or has insight into what might help? Could this be related to her possible ADHD, and if so, what strategies have worked for others in similar situations? Any advice or guidance would be so appreciated.

Tbh as a neurodivergent Dr with chronic insomnia deemed untreatable by the insomnia service that sounds a crazy long total time asleep so wouldn't worry too much. Lush sell a moisturiser called sleepy thats relatively expensive but tons of people swear by it. Dont stay in bed if awake get up and do something boring if awake more than 15mins. No lie ins. Exercise early evening not just before sleep. White noise (bbc sounds app has tons to choose from if you search calming sounds cbeebies white /pink/brown noise, car noise, rain etc). Make sure it's dark

You'll struggle to get a melatonin script without formal diagnosis as it's really expensive so only has 2 licensed indications in the UK but u can buy it

Magnesiums meant to be good. Shove epsom salts in their bath as it's absorbed via the skin

But try not to stress about it that'll be way more than enough sleep and stressing only makes insomnia worse

My dd has struggled with falling asleep for the past few years (mid to late teens) hers is stress related and when bad sleeping later the next day can become a habit . She uses the This Works deep sleep pillow spray and finds it really helps, also Kind Patches sleep patches. She did have melatonin prescribed a few years ago and occasionally takes that, I would try things like the sleep spray first though.

One of mine was like this, never napped as a baby either. I fought it till about 14mths then gave up, thinking no naps might improve night time sleep but it didn't really make a difference.
All the things we tried have already been mentioned, but the one that worked the best was having pens and paper available. They would draw and scribble and create and it seemed to empty their head.

@April0o I have sent you a pm re private options OP

It's very difficult in these situations, especially people (not here) who've never experienced this issue like to give advice on how they get their perfectly well-sleeping kids to sleep, or how they imagine they'd tackle it.

I'll give my experience for a bit of anecdata (not advice). From ages 6/7-10 my son didn't sleep well. In his case it was as if he'd forgotten how to drift off. After half an hour in the dark he'd still be looking straight ahead or around the room!

I found doing some kid's headspace meditations could work some of the time, but it meant spending a lot of time sat in the dark. Also, he learned to hide that he wasn't sleeping. He'd sometimes pretend to fall asleep, then quietly get out of bed and read in the bathroom. I'd go to bed at midnight and find him in there! We got through a lot of books. He'd normally sleep well at that point, so I also wondered if it was a sort of fear of missing out thing - his dad and I tend to go to bed late ourselves and I don't think he liked us being downstairs.

For another period he slept well when we got him a bunkbed and his younger sister slept in his room. But this didn't last long and we got to dread the clank of the bunkbed as he crept out not long after she fell asleep.

When my husband was away, he tended to come down and cry - particularly somehow if I'd just sat down to a meal/glass of wine. Sometimes I'd say 'can you give me five mins and I'll tuck you back in' but he'd just cry...

Eventually it was upsetting for everyone and we were referred to CAHMS by the GP, who sent him to some appts where he spoke about sleep and was given some exercises (albeit nothing groundbreaking) to do. He was never offered any medication.

My parents would say 'just tell him to sleep' - then my mum stayed when we went to a wedding and let him stay up all night because he was 'really upset' when she told him to go to bed. My well-meaning friends would give us every tip we'd already tried.

For us, nothing changed until we moved house when he was ten. He had a couple of restless nights when he had a room above our boiler. Moved him to a room at the front of the house (we had the luxury of choice here) and he started sleeping!

We will never know if it was age, learning to drift off, or the new house (hardly a tip I can give other people). He does (now he's 14) maintain that the last house was haunted but I wouldn't agree.

He does still like going to bed late and often 'potters' when you send him up for an hour or two, but he loves a lie-in at the weekend so at least he's getting a fairly normal amount of teen sleep.

The thing is some kids won't sleep because they can't drift off/are unsettled/are anxious, and others will have more deep-seated medical issues. I think we fell into the first category, but nevertheless it lasted many years and became very upsetting for everyone. All that worked for us was time, really.

I’ve just posted about this series of books on another post. Would something like this help?

What to Do When You Dread Your Bed: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems With

A slow gentle 'sleepy' speaking children's story spotify podcast worked for us eventually. Might take a few goes to work and has to be one of the 'sleepy' ones, not just a story. Warm bath first too.

I forgot one more tip which has really helped here - 45 mins of them silent reading before bed

A friend whose child has ADHD really recommends magnesium for sleep - she says it took between 2 and 3 months to have a real impact but now 6 months in things have really improved

My 8 year old is similar. She finds it hard to get to sleep too. Usually it's around 10 and then she's up around 7 for school. I think what helped was taking the stress away about her needing to be asleep by a certain time as this was stressing her out. I just kept reiterating that as long as her body was resting it didn't matter how much sleep she was getting. Just resting in bed was great for her body. That seemed to calm her. She also loves reading. So we got her a timer and she reads for 30/40mins in bed. Usually finished before half 9 to give her some time to fall asleep but also that's when she seems to be getting tired. I still look in on her sometimes and it might be nearly half 10 and she's awake but i just say night night to her and sleep well. I've kind of accepted she needs around 9 hours even though her friend gets 11/12 hours. She's always got plenty of energy, is performing well in school, is on good form etc. I've just accepted (or hope) that her body gets what it needs.

My child was similar. Exercise has made a massive difference and managed the issue to a huge extent. Critically getting 20 minutes of natural light first thing each day while walking the dog, then walking to school and back. After school activities like running club, swimming, football. At weekends we do something physical both days, a cycle, swimming, park run, long walk with a picnic.

also audible book stories in a dark room last thing.

My ND children take melatonin which does usually help. Piriton also but our GP prescribed DS 10 with a different antihistamine to help before his paeds appointments came through
Have you tried the healthy family pathway through school, this should lead to paediatrics die support with ND children but can take a long time so if you've got resources to do it privately then do
Good luck

Just finished reading through all the posts - such helpful and insightful advice! I’ve taken so many notes and feel hopeful that some of it will make a difference. Thank you all so much. It’s also comforting to know she’s not alone in this.

@Onceuponatimethen I’m so sorry, but I’m having trouble accessing my PMs. I’m working on getting the issue sorted. Thank you for sending though!

@April0o Understood and fingers crossed you can access v soon

Go To GP and ask for melatonin.

A friend has just had some success with her ds using a device like this: https://www.theglowcompany.co/products/calmcarry®-find-your-peace?tw_source=google&tw_adid=718842127648&tw_campaign=21841805739&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAApy5hsVjhKdIHRwPByasAJDKX_97G&gclid=CjwKCAiApsm7BhBZEiwAvIu2X01VI8terk1a7uklTWR4nKXCHKgAStEjCRbbdgfNM7YXuVX9k76YcxoCtuwQAvD_BwE

I tried One with my DS but he didn’t like the feeling. I finally got melatonin from the internet and it worked like magic. I wish I’d done it sooner. He took hours to fall asleep like yours before and this just seems to tip him into sleep with no negative side effects. He actually doesn’t use it all the time now but he knows it’s there.

You've obviously tried a lot.
Only thing I can suggest is my 10DS uses magnesium cream on his legs before bed, rubs it in and it seems to really help relax his muscles and he uses a lavender sleep pillow spray - this I think is purely helpful because he is actively doing something to feel in control of his sleep and it's a bonus he likes the smell.

I got melatonin through the GP, has made a massive difference to us.
have you asked if you can trial it?
I recently also got it for another child. They seemed pretty relaxed about prescribing it,

or if you know anyone who goes to the US regularly for work/holiday, ask them to bring some back (can buy over the counter there).

I crush it and give it in a petit filous for my dc who is a couple years older than yours.

We have the same issue with our 7 year old ds who has recently been referred for ADHD and ASD assessment.
It’s been a since birth issue for him though and my tactic (since realizing at about age 2 that he wasn’t going to sleep at 7 like other children) has been creating as little stress around it as possible. I had sleep issues too as a child and my parents would get angry at me for still being awake at 11/midnight when all I wanted to do is sleep! All that did was make me very anxious about not sleeping. For ds now we have a Yoto player, light projector, and just tell him to relax and listen to stories and don’t worry about sleeping, relaxing is what is important. Get him cosy with his teddies etc check on him regularly to reassure. He has magnesium tablets at bedtime too but not sure if they do anything. If he does get upset then I’ll bring him to bed with me. My main aim is around not making it a stressful thing as there doesn’t seem to be anything we can do about him actually going to sleep. It’s hard and I worry about the affect it might have in him but I’m not sure what else we can do.

FYI anyone buying online be aware of who you tell. Could be seen as a safeguarding issue.

OP- this post it a bit old but wondering how's your DD now?

My (almost) 8 year old who was always a good sleeper (struggled a bit to fall asleep in the past, but slept like a log once asleep), is having awful anxiety at bed time now. In desperation, we've bought melatonin from America as that's the only thing that works for us now.

Interesting! I was going to.contact GP aboit DD's sleeping issues, ill remember not to mention that we bought melatonin.

So totally shameless plug (not sure if you're allowed to do that here but hey) I'm a mum in the process of setting up a business (kitchen table, no money yet stage) to help people like us get some help! It's an app called Dozey www.dozeyapp.com
We've had the same trouble as most people here for years and years. My 7 year old son is ADHD. Some nights we will be up for hours with melt downs and excuses. I've been literally at the end of my tether (tears, walking to the end of the garden to cool off etc.). Not tried meds yet but have tried meditation and calming body scans. Did the trick so much that I thought it has to help other people in the same boat. Anyway shameless plug over. If anyone would like to be an early tester and get free access i'd really appreciate your help x

The Better You range is good for magnesium but not sure if they have kids?

Id aim for melatonin if you can - it’s natural so not going to mess with much.

it may sounds weird but caffeine can have a calming affect in people with adhd due to increasing dopamine. But doesn’t work for all.