Daughter can't get to sleep. Tried almost everything

[April0o]

Our 7 year old DD really struggles to get to sleep. It takes hours for her to finally fall asleep every night. This ongoing issue is severely impacting her well-being, as well as ours (mum and dad). She’s becoming increasingly emotional, frustrated and overtired, which makes it even harder for her to settle. We’ve been to the GP, but the support we’ve received hasn’t been very helpful or effective so far.

Her school (and we as parents) strongly suspect she has ADHD and dyspraxia, and we believe this is a major contributing factor to her sleep struggles. The GP tried to help us by pushing for a referral, but unfortunately, nothing came of it, leaving us feeling frustrated and stuck.

We’ve also tried every tip and strategy we’ve come across (a consistent bedtime routine, cutting out screens 1–2 hours before bed, relaxing sounds/music, reading, using an eye mask and a weighted blanket, having a dark, cool bedroom, limiting food and drink an hour before bed etc.)

Despite our best efforts, nothing seems to work. In fact, things seem to be getting worse. She often gets very upset, crying and repeatedly asking us to help her fall asleep, which is heartbreaking to watch. Her emotions are clearly heightened and we suspect overtiredness is a big factor.

This has been going on for over a year and we’re desperate for help.
Has anyone dealt with something similar or has insight into what might help? Could this be related to her possible ADHD, and if so, what strategies have worked for others in similar situations? Any advice or guidance would be so appreciated.

@EllieRosesMammy Yes she was a terrible napper as a baby, would not sleep longer than 30 minutes! So true that some need less sleep than others though! Generally (during the day) she seems to cope fine with the lack of sleep.

Interesting that you've had the same experience and also suspect ADHD with your eldest! Thank you, I will push for the assessment.

My DS has ADHD and we have a consistent routine 7pm bath, 7.30pm bed and book. We keep it very basic, no white noise/or night lights etc. Lots of fresh air and exercise in the day. Healthy food, after dinner snack to fill up ready for bed.
He will only sleep with a sensory sheet, would this help? As he finds a duvet too loose/falls off etc. I will attach the link below as this changed our life.
If we have a late evening then his routine gets severely messed up for days on end and it's really distressing

www.amazon.co.uk/Sensory-Compression-Blanket-Sheet-Kids/dp/B07WC8RM84

Buy melatonin (it comes in chewable gummies for children).

It will help.

Fgs with the hidden replies! What's going on?

@MolkosTeenageAngst and @No33, I have done a bit of research on melatonin, not raised it with the GP yet, but I think I will. A while back he (GP) said maybe we could try piriton if none of the sleep strategies work.

@Givemepickles This is so helpful, thank you.

My 13 year old niece is diagnosed ADHD and uses melatonin which does help.

I’ve recently started using a magnesium moisturiser in my 1 year old for sleep. We’re only on the first few days and things have slightly improved but could be a coincidence. The one we have is made by ‘better you’. There are all sorts of other magnesium sleep lotions and gummies on the market too it seems.

This sounds really tough for you all! Fingers crossed that the melatonin works. I think this might be the next option for us too.

I do similar to this but with baby names 😂 It really helps. Maybe your daughter can find something similar?

If all else fails then maybe ask for a melatonin prescription. I've used it previously when working night shifts and struggling to sleep in the day, and again, it really does help.

DD used to struggle to drop off but slept well once she was asleep.
A few things that helped - if she was in bed and getting upset at not sleeping I would get her out of bed and do something else for an hour. Bit of TV even. Go outside during the summer. Basically get her body temperature down and stop thinking about sleep. Then back to bed, get warm and usually she would then drop off.
Telling her - especially if awake in the night - that a good rest is almost as good as sleep. So lie quietly and think about something nice and not worry about being awake.
When old enough - a weighted blanket. Works for her.

Almost the best thing about the adhd diagnosis and the explanation on sleep was being able to say in my head shouting to family who all had opinions that it wasn't me being a terrible parent that meant he didn't sleep as a baby. Clearly dh and I weren't bad at helping dc to sleep - dd was a champion napped and brilliant night sleeper. But we struggled so much with ds and lots of people.definitely thought it was us!

I am a lifelong insomniac with some ADHD traits and DS 7 has ADHD and finds sleeping difficult. He only slept for 39 minute spells until he was a year and a half.

As I have spent s large portion of my life trying to get to sleep I like to try and take the pressure away from him to get to sleep. If all tat is happening is that hes resting thats k
ok. If he ever needs me he knows he can come get me but he understands that he needs his body to rest and the rest of the family need rest too so he can't be constantly disrupting. No screens helps but is somewhat unrealistic, definitely no screens for an hour before bed. A day outside helps.

We use alexa in his room and DS and I both use harry potter audiobooks to get to sleep. You can set a sleep timer so it automatically goes off. He can put it back on if he wakes during the night but thankfully he isn't too bad for that. He is allowed to read in his room with a low light but I have to watch this as sometimes he will stay up until 11 reading and I have to remove his lamp.

We also have both DS sharing a room but I stagger bedtime. He gets very anxious about being alone in the dark and gets a lot of comfort with younger DS sleeping in the room. He is very considerate with noise for the most part.

If she has adhd some of the normal sleep tips don't work for adhd folk ...i.e. have the room quiet etc, as their brain just takes off then. Some music / audio book etc to listen to can be more effective than a quiet room.

Also can try pirition (OTC allergy/hay fever med that causes drowsiness), magnesium can help if there's a magnesium deficiency, or melatonin (prescription med).

@April0o try this it somewhat helped my nephew dose in to a sleep, and believe it or not coke, coffee and tea can have the reverse effect for someone with adhd, so might help her at bedtime to.

Not used it myself but I have friends who swear by a dose of Phenergan to help their kids sleep. Probably not good for long term use but might help her in the short term and break the cycle of her anxiety about not being able to get to sleep? Also, I have the Calm App on my phone and listen to their sleep stories if I'm having trouble sleeping, they really help. It's also good for guided meditation/anxiety programmes that are very relaxing and might help her stay calm at bedtime.

try you tube-childrens sleep hypnosis,age relevnt even intrests relevant.

@April0o as I was falling asleep last night I was remembering the main part of the programme. It explained that insomniacs develop a lot of anxiety and fear around sleep and their bed. They often spend much longer in bed than people who sleep well yet get far less sleep because they are staying in bed hoping to sleep for hours.

The programme makes you reset your relationship to your bed and to sleep. To do this you aim to be in bed only when asleep. You start off by staying up at night until you physically cannot stay awake. Let's say 2am. Then get into bed and try to go to sleep. You then get up at your set time, say 7am. You must get up then. If after a couple of nights you are falling asleep well at 2am you can move it forward by 15 mins to 1.45am. And so on.

It worked for me and I know this is what the sleep clinic I attended in London used. This is obviously a strategy though for serious insomniacs who no amount of making things for each letter of the alphabet makes a difference.

It could be worth trying putting your dd to bed later than currently. Also ditch anything to do with winding down and relaxing because that is probably counter productive at this stage and making her focus more on inability to sleep. Try just doing normal stuff like playing a board game or watching tv and then bed at 10 or 11pm.

@April0o sorry it's all coming back to me now. Also, no napping during the day. That's a big no no.

And keep her bedroom just for sleep. Playing and homework etc bed to be elsewhere in the house.

Three of us in the house with ADHD.
Melatonin has been our life saver.
It can be used to break the cycle of poor sleep so my son takes it in a bad cycle to reset his sleep. DD (late teens) doesn't sleep until much later so has almost self regulated her own sleep pattern. When she was younger, she'd need it more often than not.
I take melatonin most nights combined with Camomile tea.
We either have it as a prescription or buy it online (depending on whether I be remembered to put the prescription in or not)!

I strongly suspect that I have inattentive ADHD and have struggled with insomnia for years. After sleeping brilliantly for a week on holiday this summer, I had another random single night of sleep a few weeks later.
it dawned on me that the connection was OTC antihistamines which I’d taken for mozzie bites. I now take one at teatime whenever I don’t have to be up super early and it’s been brilliant.

My DD (almost 7) has never been a great sleeper. She uses audiobooks to help drift off and also in the night. We follow a lot of the tips given here, but we also use magnesium supplements which seem to have helped.

What finally worked with my can’t get to sleeper was letting go of ‘bedtime’ but always keeping the same wake time. So alarm set for 7am. Sent up to bed to read at 8pm but no pressure to actually go to sleep and we just let him decide when he was ready. It took a short while of late nights and being tired but eventually it clicked and now he gets a lot more sleep as he’s regulating itself. Before this we were up and down for ages, constant I can’t sleep etc.

My younger DS has had periods like this - age 7 was particularly bad. What helped:
me sitting on his bed as he dropped off (I would read on my kindle so I didn't die of boredom)
white noise - we tried several different ones but he has a machine now that plays it for 90 mins as he drops off

I don't sit with him any more but did until he was 9. He's currently under investigation for ADHD.

Your poor daughter, this must be so distressing for her.

When I've had bouts of insomnia in the past, the two best strategies I've found are:

1. Listening to an audiobook- even if I can't sleep, it keeps me calm and stops me getting anxious about the fact I can't sleep, which means that anxiety isn't keeping me awake.

2. Counting backwards from 100 in my head- if I get to 1, forget what number I'm on or make a mistake, I have to start again. May be a bit tricky for a 7 year old, so she could count up to 100 and start again at 1?

Best of luck.

Binaural beats track on Spotify or YouTube with a soft headphones designed for bed. Calms the brain waves but have to have headphones in as it's the difference between frequencies on right and left that does it apparently