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Original poster

I'm sick of getting 'the look' whenever I tell someone DS doesn't sleep... ggggrrrrr

100 replies

Sufi · 28/04/2008 18:32

Anyone else with a sleepless babe fed up of the looks people give them when they fess up to the fact that their LO doesn't sleep very well?

I've had it up to here with it - not only am I 6 months in and DYING for a full night's sleep (or even 4 hours, or 3, or, um, 2) but I have yet to meet another new mum whose baby doesn't sleep. And then there are the nurses, midwives, HV, GP, even the bloody chemist.

I was in the newsagents yesterday when the guy told me of his 4 mo DD:

'She only sleeps 7pm til 5am and the early starts are killing my wife. Does yours sleep through?'

[through gritted teeth]. 'No.'

'Oh, but isn't he older than my DD?'

'Yes.'

Oh.'[gives me The Look]

Either everyone in the world except me has a baby who sleeps, or they're all liars. But either way I'm sick of people looking at me with a mixture of pity and get-a-grip-love-it-must-be-your-fault.

Rargh. Rant over. Bedtime begins!

OP posts:
Miaou · 28/04/2008 18:40

You need popsycal sufi - she totally understands! just do a search for her name under sleep and you'll see what I mean!

And you have my empathy too - ds2 is nine months and on a good night he will wake for a feed three times between 12am and 7am

mehdismummy · 28/04/2008 18:41

hiya i get those looks! my ds is 2.4 years and has never slept through the night! i get the treble look when they hear he
a) does not sleep through the night
b) still breastfeeds
c) co sleeps
feck em thats what i say!! i am actually typing this sat next to ds in bed so he goes offf to sleep feeling loved!! spoilt little sod!

MrsMattie · 28/04/2008 18:43

My son didn't sleep through the night until the age of 2 and a half. I also say 'fuck em!'.

becaroo · 28/04/2008 18:46

My son is nearly 5 and still doesnt sleep through (sorry!)

Tell them to feck off.

CorrieDale · 28/04/2008 18:52

You need to come to my playgroup. All kinds of sleep deprived skeletons came out of the cupboard last week - I felt right at home! I had previously thought that I and the mothers of the 4 month old babies were the only ones who were suffering - I was soooooo wrong! Give it time - you'll find that this is something that many women don't admit to until they're comfortable with their audience. Probably because of The Look (and yes, I do know the one you mean!)

CorrieDale · 28/04/2008 18:53

Oh, and remember that 4 1/2 to 5 months is when many previously good sleepers decide to turn the tables on their mummies and become very bad ones! I thought at 4 months that we were nearly there. At 5 months I realised we were some way away. DD is 10 months this week and she sleeps much worse than she did as a newborn. There's definitely no room for complacency when it comes to children's sleep patterns.

Original poster
Sufi · 28/04/2008 18:59

cheers ladies for the moral support!

DS has never been a good sleeper, sadly, his sleeping went bonkers at 10wks and never recovered... we had a few wks when he started to self-settle (after 6 wks on the ncss) but teething put paid to that... it's lucky he's cute

OP posts:
tegan · 28/04/2008 19:11

my dd2 is 4 today and has only starting sleeping through over the past 3 weeks.
from the day she was born until she was 2 she never had 1 wink of sleep, at 2 my gp and hv perscribed a sedative to try to get her into a routine however she was only recommended to have 25ml max but it actually took closer to 185ml to get her to have 2 hours sleep and this dosage is 10ml more than she would of needed to be sedated for an operation.

All i can say is it will get better at some point. try suggesting to youre dh that you could do with 1 night away and let him deal with it for 1 night, it will do you the world of good.

Babyisaac · 28/04/2008 19:15

Sufi, I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! My DS has just turned 4 mo and weeks every 3 hours to bf. Other mums at postnatal groups etc complain when their lo wakes up once in the night at around 3am - if only! Fake sympathetic looks do my head in! I've actually cut one of my so-called friends out of my life as she is starting to make me feel as though I'm doing something wrong.

I know there are others out there - MN is proof. However, I never ever meet anyone in the flesh like you lot - I wish I could, it would make me feel so much better

HereComeTheGirls · 28/04/2008 19:16

My DD USED to sleep through and now at 18mos very rarely does!! They might soon regret being so smug!!

windygalestoday · 28/04/2008 19:16

listen here - i used to work for the social services and would advise parents on tactics and schemes to use in the back of my mind (pre children) i would think its parenting not neccesarily poor parenting you understand........i had 2 dcs they were fab sleepers and i truly thought i had it sussed ......unexpected ds3 arrived and honest to god no word of lie for 3 years he slept 3 hours in 24 NO-ONE is at fault with a child that doesnt sleep any looks you get are from people who know no better if you have good sleeper thank your lucky stars cos it can just as well be a poor sleeper next and believe me you have my sympathy x

PuppyMonkey · 28/04/2008 19:18

Get some Phenerghans...

madcol · 28/04/2008 19:19

I get annoyed when I tell people that DS (9 months) has never slept and they say -

' oh my DS/DD sleeps 7 to 7 and has done since they were born'

AAAAAHHHHHHH.

MrsTittleMouse · 28/04/2008 19:22

Oh I hate that "look". When you tell someone that active birthing didn't work, you get "the look". When you tell someone that your DB doesn't sleep, you get "the look" (my DD didn't go through the night until she was a year, and that was after months of CC). Women who struggle to breastfeed get the same thing.

mehdismummy · 28/04/2008 19:23

happy birthday tegan dc. now all togethet say it loud and say it proud FECK EM

Caz10 · 28/04/2008 19:26

i always interpret The Look to say "she'd sleep if you didn't breastfeed" - but maybe i am just a bit paranoid/defensive!

MrsTittleMouse · 28/04/2008 19:30

Caz10 you're not paranoid, they actually told me that to my face. I pointed out that when DD was 8 months old that we went away on holiday for 3 nights without her and she was completely formula fed by her Granny (I pumped to keep up the supply) and she still didn't sleep. But then I get the disbelieving look again.

HaventSleptForAYear · 28/04/2008 19:32

I had this loads of times with DS2 (lucky he was my 2nd otherwise I would have really taken it personally.)

He is 15mths, had terrible reflux and then terrible ear infections. He was operated on 3 weeks ago and has been sleeping through the night ever since.

Nothing to do with parenting. I knew there was something not right when he woke screaming his head off but got endless comments on how he was "playing me".

Even my mum (who had the sense to keep her mouth shut) used to leave "pregnant pauses" when the subject came up.

I stopped answering about this question, especially as you say, when you are bf it has to do with that and nothing else.

Proof that it's not - DS2 is still bf, I stopped bf DS1 at a year and he did not start sleeping through then either - only did when he got a dummy.

Babyisaac · 28/04/2008 19:33

Caz10 - my DS gets a bottle of formula occasionally and it doesn't make the slightest bit of difference to his waking. Can't see how it would change anything. But yes, I also interpret this look to do with bf. I'm sure there's a report to state that bf babies get on average more sleep than ff babies but I haven't found much proof of that yet!

Original poster
Sufi · 28/04/2008 19:37

ah yes, I forgot, there are a multitude of looks:

'so, you let him sleep in YOUR bed, did you? Well, you've only got yourself to blame then...'
'you're still bf-ing - poor thing's probably hungry'
'what, you don't just leave him to cry?'
'poor woman, that baby's got the better of her - what on earth is she going to be like once he's a toddler??'

Saw a neighbour this morning who i SWEAR waits til I've had a bad night/have walked up and down the road 50 times trying to get DS to take his nap before coming out and asking, 'so, he's still not sleeping then?' of course, her PFB slept thru from 12 wks...

Babyisaac, know exactly what you mean: where are you non sleeping mums in the real world?!

I might get a t.shirt made up: 'sleepless and proud'...

OP posts:
mehdismummy · 28/04/2008 19:38

pmsl at bf babies sleep longer!!

Original poster
Sufi · 28/04/2008 19:40

and caz, I also give DS a bottle of ff in the night (mainly so I can get some kip - got fed up with spending what little time I had during the day expressing), I even bought that hungry baby stuff cos my mum was convinced my milk wasn't good enough quality.

DH fed him the first night.

We waited...

And unfortunately we didn't wait very long, cos he woke up 2 hours later, as usual!

OP posts:
mehdismummy · 28/04/2008 19:51

my sil told me if i gave him one good bottle before he went to bed he would
sleep through the night! yeah and stars will fly from my arse too!

Babyisaac · 28/04/2008 19:59

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twinkleymum · 28/04/2008 20:07

I get the look too, my DD doesn't sleep through at 6mo, wakes several times with no particular pattern. I've ff - no difference. Why is it that everyone always asks 'is she sleeping through the night?' I think they just love doing the look, thats why they ask! Then proceed to tell you how everyone elses babes sleep so well, she's got you wrapped round her finger, let her cry it out, RFYOB, etc. My favourite one is my friend who says she just refuses to feed her baby between 12 and 6 !! How can I refuse to feed a screaming hungry baby? The fact is I have a baby who doesn't sleep well at night, and gets peckish when she wakes up (bit like her mother really), and thats my problem not theirs. Yes, so tell them to p off.

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