I'm sick of getting 'the look' whenever I tell someone DS doesn't sleep... ggggrrrrr

[Sufi]

Anyone else with a sleepless babe fed up of the looks people give them when they fess up to the fact that their LO doesn't sleep very well?

I've had it up to here with it - not only am I 6 months in and DYING for a full night's sleep (or even 4 hours, or 3, or, um, 2) but I have yet to meet another new mum whose baby doesn't sleep. And then there are the nurses, midwives, HV, GP, even the bloody chemist.

I was in the newsagents yesterday when the guy told me of his 4 mo DD:

'She only sleeps 7pm til 5am and the early starts are killing my wife. Does yours sleep through?'

[through gritted teeth]. 'No.'

'Oh, but isn't he older than my DD?'

'Yes.'

Oh.'[gives me The Look]

Either everyone in the world except me has a baby who sleeps, or they're all liars. But either way I'm sick of people looking at me with a mixture of pity and get-a-grip-love-it-must-be-your-fault.

Rargh. Rant over. Bedtime begins!

right that it. will show ds that report in the morning!!

DD is 16 months and has slept from 8 till 5 for a grand total of 3 nights. About 2 months ago she was waking several times an hour. I get the look for that, the look (and a lot more besides) for 'still' breastfeeding. Sod the lot of them, that's what I say. What the obsession is with other people's children's sleeping/feeding I have no idea.

Me and DH just read that report summary and laughed out loud at the bit that says:

"sleep loss of more than 30 minutes each night can begin to affect daytime functioning, particularly in those parents who return to work"

• if only it was just 30 mins sleep we were losing!!

But nice to know that it's not the bf that's the problem...

Nod, smile and lie through your teeth, Sufi - couldn't arsed with all the advice, so used to breezily say, "oh yes, she's fine". And she did get better, if that's any comfort. Her sleep went bonkers when she stopped bf-ing to sleep (her idea, not mine), contrary to all the bloody advice.

LOL at "sleep loss of more than 30 minutes each night can begin to affect daytime functioning", Babyisaac...amazed I can get dressed in the morning if that's the case, as I reckon I'm about 4 hours short a night.

They can all piss off with their looks. It's got nothing to do with what they have or haven't done - dd didn't sleep, we read books, changed routines, even spoke to a sleep consultant. Eventually she just stopped waking up when she was about 13 months old, but I'm pretty sure it was nothing we did. We thought we were sleep experts when ds was born - did everything we could have done to ensure he slept, apart from leaving him to cry (regular naps, bedtime routine, blah blah blah) and did he sleep? Of course not...he still, at 11 months, wakes several times a night AND starts the day at 5.30am.

All you can do is ignore them and hope that their next one doesn't sleep. That should shut them up.

Ignore them, people are selective with what they tell you. My DD has just had 2 weeks of sleeping through and she's 19 months. I've ignored pressure to do cc so she's never cried herself to sleep and goes to sleep well and happy. Your DS will get there in his own time.

I had a friend whose DD slept through from about 8 weeks but at a year things turned upside down. She was the one going and smirking on the other side of her face.

Sleeplessness makes you totally hardcore. (If you're looking for tips to survive I'd recommend co-sleeping if you're not already, totally saved my sanity)

Today I got the look in stereo from 2 mums proud their babies sleep through, shocked ds wakes every 2 hours or less. SO glad I'm not the only one!

i was a walking corps.
went to morrisons with my slippers on at least twice a week.
put my nappy bag in the fridge and my shopping in the hallway.
i used to stand with tears streaming down my face by 4pm every day while making dinner feeling dizzy having to hold onto the work surface feeling sick with such exhaustion that it was embeded in my bones.
i didnt eve have th energy to talk some days.
i would cry when making the beds in the morning because i knew i would not get back into that bed til that night and for no longer than an hour. i would be up.

hv suggested i make a "sleep diary", for the first 3 nights i was up 17 times, stopped diary after that as i wnted to drive off a cliff.

Then ds got to be 4 years old and would wake maybe 5/6 times a night.
then he started school and he sleeps through about 5 out of 7 nights a week.

I would love another child but i just simply cannot go through that again. dont think my body can do it.

people....i stopped saying how much sleep i wansnt getting. i jsut smiled and noddedd. no one cared, no one could help, nothing i did worked.
i just had to ride the storm.
twas pure torture.

i know exactly and precisely and minutely what you are saying and i feel your pain.
the end

Oh Donbean!

I have to say, when people ask me how ds2 (4mths) is sleeping, I tell them he is doing great. He is. Currently waking around 10, 3, 5 and 7. Bloody fantastic actually. Wasn't expecting that for another year! But I imagine that people interpret "doing great" as "sleeping 7-7".

And they no longer think to ask about dd (6) and ds1 (3). They assume that my older children sleep through. Do they heck. They don't even have the decency to all wake at the same time, they take it in turns all flipping night.

Oh, and dd was bf and ds1 was ff. No difference in their sleep at all. Just that dh did some of the bottlefeeds.

I am sooo looking forward to when they are teenagers and I turf them out of their beds in the morning .

Donbean you must be some sort of saint. I have to admit, even in these early months, I've been thinking 'never again'...

You are all so bloody fab. You see, we should be wearing our sleeplessness like badges of honour because it's bloody hard work and despite feeling like utter crap most days we still love our dc and think they're the best babies ever. (I never think that at 4am, BTW, but every morning he gives me a big gummy smile and I think, yes, you know, you're bloody fabulous you are. All those passive, sleepy babies just aren't a patch on my alert, clever, sociable and hilarious little lad).

Good luck everyone tonight, here's hoping that we'll all have sweet dreams sometime soon. Or at least before we start drawing our pensions.

xxx

Ignore it, my ds2 is 15 months and doesn't sleep through. All babies are different, they aren't better because their babies sleep through.

I'm glad to hear there are other non sleeping dc's out there. My dd is 4 months and feel I'm at my wits end with her constant wakefulness. She will scream till she is bright red until she gets what she wants, usually a bf. It is so tough. I broke down in front of my dh yesterday as I really don't know how much more I can take. How do you guys cope? I have a dt of 2.5 yrs to look after, it is so hard!!

With 2 non-sleepers, I don't bother to tell people about their sleep issues. If they ask, I explain and they are surprised that it is so bad and I never mentioned anything before. I shrug - it does not bother me. I have developed coping strategies and I am used to it. Sleep is overrated IMO.

Can't believe no-one has suggested you try GF....

Nightmare isnt it. My baby didnt sleep through until 3 days before her first birthday.

But what goes around comes around. The angelic sleeper at 8 weeks in my AN group is now not going down for naps, much to her mothers total consternation having not ever had to stand bent over a cot for 40 minutes going shhh, shhhh, and two others wake at 5am.

I often give dd a bottle of milk if she wakes in the night as it is effective, and I figure we dont go without a drink for 11 hours - I always take something up to bed, and am only there for 8.

You should see "The Look" for confessing to giving a 15 month old not only milk, but From A Bottle in the night.

I have a particularly fine eyebrow raise in response.

Wait till she is nearly six and still coming into your bed most nights.
It is our family's deepest secret.

I had many years of disturbed sleep before both DS and DD slept through the night. DD woke EVERY night until she was 16 months old - she only slept through when I stopped breastfeeding, and DS would wake most nights up until he was 3 - for no apparent reason. A few years on and I can't get them up in the morning to go to school now - how things change. It will get better, it just may take time, patience, and good makeup (to disguise those bags under your eyes).

Sufi, there was a time at around 4 months when both my children slept through - it all went pear shaped again at around 5-6 months. Your newsagent shouldn't rest on his laurels.

Oh, so glad to read this thread! I came home in tears yesterday after visiting a friend whose 8 week old is sleeping through already My 5 month old dd was awake 4 times last night - not hopeless, I know, but v hard when my freind was saying - 'well, it was hard at first, but I think I'm there now...' I'm still at the point of thinking I may never have a second as I'm just not sure I can do this again - dd only cat naps during the day - 3x 30mins at most and has just grown out of waking up every 40mins at night!!! I never wanted an only child, but how do people do this again???? And so hard when my friend is saying - 'oh, so you STILL feel like that? I've got past that now....' Grrrr.

I've mostly come to terms with DS's terrible sleep, but I did have a wobble when my friend told me her 12 week old was now only waking once a night.

DS is 2.2 and still wakes at least twice, more if I don't get into bed with him and co-sleep. Used to be 8 times a night, no matter what I did. He slept through once.

I put off TTC #2 because I didn't think I could cope. Still haven't managed to conceive again.

Who mentioned holding onto the kitchen work surfaces, dizzy and sick? Been there. I used to haunt the 'sleep' section of these boards under my old posting names - tried everything up to and including a week of CC. Now DS can talk he can let me know that he has tummy ache, or that his teeth hurt and that he'd like some Calpol. He generally seems to be right, as once the problem he's identified is dealt with, he sleeps better for the rest of the night.

mini-cooper, you heard this before, but I will say it again ... it WILL get better even if you don't do anything about it. 5 months is still little. Not all babies follow the longer and longer stretches of sleep pattern as they get older. There will be set-backs like teething or milestones which disrupt sleep. And when they get older, they realise they can climb out of their bed ... or start to get nightmares ...

No-one, certainly not an 8-weeker mother, should count her chickens.

And once your dd starts sleeping though, you will forget everything and your thoughts start to drift to no.2. I only felt able to even contemplate a second child after dd was 18 months, hth. Lots of time.

Hi minicooper, my DD (6mo) is very much like this too. Lots of night waking and 3x30 min naps during the day. She is very alert and gets bored easily so I find it tough to keep going all day with not much sleep. I'd love to have another lo one day, but the thought of 2 like this terrifies me! I remember meeting one of my ANC Mums on the last injection day and she said "it just gets easier and easier doesn't it?" I just smiled and said nothing

Awww, thanks ladies, I know, time is a healer! I agree with an early poster though - how come you never meet other mums like this in RL? All the ones I meet seem to have it sussed - or are they just better actors than me - and me a drama teacher too!!!

oh i'm so glad it is not just me!!

can i ask if any of you are going/have gone back to work? i can cope with this at the moment but work (FT) is only 6weeks away and I am terrified. leaving dd will be bad enough, but the thought of trying to cope on this level of sleep has reduced me to tears on more than one occasion already.

I have to say that when I got to know some of the women at my clinic and toddler groups better they all started to admit that their child had sleeping problems too - it seems that to admit your child is not a good sleeper is a reflection on your parenting which is a load of rubbish!

People do lie I'm afraid!