Baby won’t nap I’m going insane for the love of god help

[Manumama]

Please please please I’m gone past my wit’s ends anybody help.

This baby WILL NOT NAP.

We have been sleep training our nearly 9 month old for the past 10 days or so, Ferber method but with the dummy. He now goes to sleep very well independently (albeit with dummy) at night time and largely sleeps through except when he loses his dummy: we go in, give him it and he’s off snoozing immediately again.

The issue is with daytime sleep. We tried the same Ferber training at day time, but he never once actually slept with it, no matter how long we try for. The only way he was napping so far is by rocking him in the baby carrier with white noise on in a pitch black room and dummy. You’d rock him for a good 20 mins and he’d eventually fall asleep and you’d transfer him into the cot and he’d have a good nap.

Now for the past week this has also stopped working. I rock him this way for sometimes up to an hour and it’s just not working anymore.

He does not sleep in the buggy, even with the blackout cover on. He does not sleep in the car. He looks completely knackered but will not sleep, no matter what I do.

I am so frustrated I cry daily.

I have been thinking sod it, I just won’t try any more, he can stay awake all day. But the truth is, he is a very needy baby who won’t just be happy to be in the jumperoo. He wants constant crawling or holding. So really his naps are just a break for me or at least a chance to shower or eat or literally do anything else. I cannot live like this.

Right now he’s upstairs crying in his cot while I’m downstairs writing this. I just had to leave him for a minute because I couldn’t bear it any more.

I am at a loss.

Please anybody with ideas or solutions. Please help.

Side note - we only keep the dummy at sleeping times, not during the day. We tried to get rid of it but he just seems to stubborn to let it go.

Kindly it sounds like you need to lower your expectations. You are already on to a winner with the good nighttime sleep. This is a short period of your life I know it’s hard but yes of course your baby is needy, he’s a baby.

@PumpkinScarf so you’re saying that expecting an 8-month-old to nap is unreasonable? Wow. What next? Are you going to tell me I shouldn’t have had kids if I was expecting them to nap? Get real.

I went through this with my daughter. Eventually I just gave up trying and let her stay awake all day. She was a bit cranky at first but we got throught it quite quickly. I think some children just need less sleep.

Are you feeding him lunch before or after trying to nap? a very full of of protien and carbs tummy might help.

Baby sleep can be sooooo stressful. I go through periods of dreading DS's naps because it can be such a tough time. The he goes through phases of napping like a dream.

Is he tired enough when you're trying to get him to nap? Are his wake windows appropriate? Are you doing a short nap time routine? all these things can help and a nap time routine when done consistently helps signal it's time for a rest and sleep.

He may have also hit a slight regression which can affect naps too. Or he may be overtired if naps have really taken a hit. When DS has been overtired before he literally struggles to fall asleep for a nap and I resort to having at least one 'rescue day' where we just do long contact naps so he gets the sleep he needs and it's well balanced. He does then nap independently again after.

I know it's really hard but he will be feeding off of your anxiety and frustration also, making it harder for him to switch off and go to sleep, because he can sense you're on edge, especially if you are trying to support him to sleep.

It can help to remember you cannot force him to sleep, but only provide a well timed, calm environment in which sleep can happen. It helps take the pressure off.

I remember getting really caught up in the panic about this with my first. With my second I literally didn’t have a choice, I carried on my day with my two year old and the baby napped or didn’t.

Easier said than done but get up, put him on the play mat / bouncer / whatever in the bathroom. Even if he cries, get showered dressed and ready.

Then you can at least live your day doing whatever you do - sling or pram or car for baby groups / shops / tidying the house / going for a walk / whatever you want to achieve.

The nap blip will pass, these stages always do! An 8 month old will still need a nap, so it will come back :) you just survive until it does! Could be teeth / illness / learning a new skill / the direction the wind is blowing in.

@TheGreatPotato So yeah I gave him a bottle first thing and then breakkie porridge at 8:10 am. Been trying to put him to sleep since 8:30 and I just gave up just after 10 am. Also yep in the afternoon it’s always after lunch and he does eat very well so he’s nice and full usually. I think I’m just going to have to stop trying. Thanks for your message x

@Manumama just seen your update - I think you might be trying too early :) it’s hard to keep up their changing needs!

I think at this stage my eldest was doing a short nap around 10/10.30 then another around 2/3ish from what I can remember.

I used to vaguely look at the huckleberry schedules which helped, you can find them by googling Huckleberry schedule + age.

what time was he up for the day for you to be trying to nap him at 8:30?

at this age my DS was up at 7ish and first nap around 2.5hrs later, so nap around 9:30

@Sagittarius25 yes sooo hard! And honestly this is why I get so upset: he literally looks ridiculously tired, like he clearly is in need of sleep but just won’t. It’s like a power play. I can’t even do contact naps because he doesn’t even nod off, just moans and rubs his eyes etc. I follow the Huckleberry app for sleep / awake windows and so far it’s always been super accurate back when he was napping(!). I just really hope it’s temporary because it’s making me so stressed out and it’s not good on my autoimmune disease. Thanks for messaging x

How many naps are you aiming for a day? At 9 months old is he ready to drop to 2 naps a day?

And his first nap is 8.30? If I've read that right. Perhaps try a little later in the morning?

Sleep is a nightmare with babies. Constant ups and downs.

Personally I'd take the night time sleep and just put them in the pram or car for a nap. Dd1 never napped in the pram in the day after about 8 months so it was a nap in the car around about the right time of day or pram. Please reduce tour expectations as a mum of a child that never slept through until nearly 3 I think your doing ok at the min 😁

My DD was not a napper either, it’s full on. Maybe you could try dropping the morning nap, keep him busy in the morning and then try to just do an afternoon nap.

Put him in a bouncer in your bathroom and chat to him whilst you shower, get ready.

I think he may be ready to drop an early nap and just have one somewhere between 10 and 11. There's no point sticking to what he used to do or what might've worked for a while - they grow end change so much in the first year or two and it's much easier to adapt to their needs and change the routine as needed.

Hang in there, it does get better! 💐

@Sagittarius25 ye was up at 6:15! He’d slept through from 8 pm last night

Don’t be defensive. This was a perfectly respectable and reasonable reply.

Just be happy your baby is sleeping in the night. Your baby isn’t a robot who will just fit in with your too high expectations. Just carry on with your day and the baby will sleep when it needs to.

@Cartref26 this is my issue, I have a 5 year old and do all the school runs with baby in tow. Doesn’t help! I pay for the huckleberry app and it’s been so so good until this point. Now I think the app times are correct cos he’s tired but won’t let go! I make really stubborn babies annoyingly!

@Canogapark i don’t suppose you’ve ever experienced this have you? If you look at all the other comments, everyone seems to understand the predicament if they’ve been through it. I hope for you that things always work out as they do.

You're in the thick of the most challenging bit and it's so much more tiring/problematic with two because you really can never quite catch up. But pp was actually correct - it's much, much easier once you adjust your expectations because you won't experience (as much) the intense frustration and stress of fighting the situation.

Go with the flow as much as you can. 💐

@AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras thank you! I think maybe I just need to wait and see. Yep we were doing 2 naps, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, he always used to love his morning one and it’s would be the longest 🥲

I think around that age some babies need a lot less daytime slee p than what they have previously had. Some babies aren't anywhere near sleeping through the night at this age so it's good that he is. Also their sleep needs can change and fluctuate a lot. So I think you just have to go with it and follow his lead for a while. I know it's not ideal. I care for a baby currently the same age as yours who will have 10 to 15 mins every couple of hours or so when I'd prefer him to have a longer stretch but that's meant he's tired and ready for bed around 8.30pm and will usually sleep through.

@TheGirlattheBack well this morning we’ve dropped the nap lol so we’ll see how it work in the pm! Hopefully he’ll relent after lunch 🤞🏼

He will probably adjust it himself in time, though, so for example he might end up having a shorter nap late morning time and then a longer one early afternoon.

Sleeping well through the night (touch wood!) is amazing and a real boon.

@AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras that's true night sleep is lucky!

He may just need one nap a day.

I used to stick mine in the pushchair, sit on the sofa and rock it back & fourth with my foot. Worked a treat.

Yes it could be that he will be one of those who takes a longer nap after an early lunch.