Baby won’t nap I’m going insane for the love of god help

[Manumama]

Please please please I’m gone past my wit’s ends anybody help.

This baby WILL NOT NAP.

We have been sleep training our nearly 9 month old for the past 10 days or so, Ferber method but with the dummy. He now goes to sleep very well independently (albeit with dummy) at night time and largely sleeps through except when he loses his dummy: we go in, give him it and he’s off snoozing immediately again.

The issue is with daytime sleep. We tried the same Ferber training at day time, but he never once actually slept with it, no matter how long we try for. The only way he was napping so far is by rocking him in the baby carrier with white noise on in a pitch black room and dummy. You’d rock him for a good 20 mins and he’d eventually fall asleep and you’d transfer him into the cot and he’d have a good nap.

Now for the past week this has also stopped working. I rock him this way for sometimes up to an hour and it’s just not working anymore.

He does not sleep in the buggy, even with the blackout cover on. He does not sleep in the car. He looks completely knackered but will not sleep, no matter what I do.

I am so frustrated I cry daily.

I have been thinking sod it, I just won’t try any more, he can stay awake all day. But the truth is, he is a very needy baby who won’t just be happy to be in the jumperoo. He wants constant crawling or holding. So really his naps are just a break for me or at least a chance to shower or eat or literally do anything else. I cannot live like this.

Right now he’s upstairs crying in his cot while I’m downstairs writing this. I just had to leave him for a minute because I couldn’t bear it any more.

I am at a loss.

Please anybody with ideas or solutions. Please help.

Side note - we only keep the dummy at sleeping times, not during the day. We tried to get rid of it but he just seems to stubborn to let it go.

@Mischance you’re absolutely right about making myself miserable with it. I guess I just worry he’ll be overtired and then won’t sleep well or not rest enough generally speaking. Just need to wait and see how it pans out!

@LouiseTopaz rhansk for your kind words! Yes it’s just so hard day in day out, isn’t it? They’re lucky they’re so cute!!

I’d put money on this just being a phase and he’ll be back to napping next week but god it’s hard when you’re in the thick of it. I saw something before about a “20 minute reset” so if after 20 mins they’re not going off and you’re getting frustrated, give up and take a break and try again in 20-30 mins. Its saved my sanity a few times, just getting out of the room and giving us both a change of scenery before trying again

@almay that’s actually really good advice, I’ll defo try this going forward, thanks! X

We did sleep training which included controlled crying, as my DD grew older she became a great sleeper.

Of course when baby unwell or going through a development leap, that goes out the window. But at your baby age, you can have a routine, stick to it.

I think you need to see this as a phase and it will pass. It is so easy to fixate on an issue that will evolve in weeks or months. You have to take the rough with the smooth with babies. I say this as looking back I can see that I was always trying to perfect every stage and I mean this kindly, it can sometimes make you forget to enjoy and relish every moment.

I think you are trying to get in too much sleep op.

One of mine was a brilliant nighttime sleeper - straight through from really early. But the price you pay for a proper night’s sleep is less napping. Personally I’d prefer that: at least you can get a proper sleep yourself. But there’s no way that Dc would nap in the morning at as old as 8 months. If I really needed to push the nap later, the pram always worked a treat.

Hi op I remember this age well. It was horrific. Have you tried an app called the wonder weeks. It’s about development leaps and when they should occur based on babies age. It doesn’t help with the sleep but when DS wasn’t napping or was waking every 45 mins all
night he was nearly always going through a leap (or teething). It made me feel like I wasn’t losing my mind!

My son did not sleep at all during the day after the first month. He did sleep well at night after about 4 months. He continued to be like this as a child and is the only child I have known that would ask to go to bed at night. He was and still is an early to bed, early to rise person even as an adult.

even a very cursory glance at any child rearing book would show that kids nap until they’re about 2 if not later.

Unfortunately the babies do not read the books! 😀

There are always exceptions to the rules and you've got one of those!

I think there's only so much you can expect from your baby! Good naps AND sleeping through (albeit through sleep training) at this age would be like magical unicorn baby.

So his naps are crap, but you aren't up every hour and surviving 4 hours broken sleep. That's a pretty good trade tbh.

I don't think no sleep training and no dummy is an 'absolute minority' btw. I know only a handful of friends that used dummies and one that sleep trained. I hadn't nothing against dummies btw, mine just hated them. I would never sleep train though personally, it's not for me.

Probably down to 1 nap a day and doesn’t want to go to bed at 8:30am

The day he was born he never slept all day and when he had his checks before leaving the doctor said "he's so alert he might give you some trouble" and he's pretty much been that way since. Sleeps amazing at night but to get to take him a nap is an experience 🤣

*to get him to nap

I found with mine that they need to cry for about 5 minutes to settle
I know it's awful hearing them cry but it's pure exhaustion and frustration on their part. (Any longer than 5 mins I would go to them) don't feel guilty about the dummy, they say to take it off them about 1 so you have another few months at least.

My daughter was a textbook napper. My son... not so much. He's just always been super high energy and even now at 8 needs (and gets) far less sleep than his older sister. I think at your one's age he was down to one nap a day and was done napping at all way before 2 - though he'd angrily fall asleep in the car sometimes!

Personally I'd stop trying at all in the morning (sleeping 8 hours in a row seems magical to me at that age so that seems like plenty) and all the rocking and such in the afternoon as it's not working anyway and seems to be stressing you out. How do you put him down at night? I'd mimic that, walk out, close the door, give it a bit of time and then give up if he's not keen. I think the worry about whether or not he'll nap might be harder in the long run than just assuming he won't and figuring out how to manage the day.

It was actually quite freeing when we gave up on it - we were constantly planning around my daughter's schedule and it was so restricting. With my son we just did whatever and sometimes he'd have a sleep, often not, and we'd have a great night's sleep from him either way.

@safetyfreak yeah exactly! We had a great night but again no nap this morning though he’s yawning and looking very sleepy 🤷‍♀️ maybe it’s just a phase. Will try again after lunch

@PurpleThistle7 so he’s more than happy now at night to have a bedtime routine, bottle and then be put into his cot awake and he left to sleep independently. But when I tried that a few times for naps he’s like NOPE, kicking off, crying etc. Currently the naps are a ‘rocking in the carrier’ type of job. We gave up this morning but keep an open mind for the pm.

@Happiestwhen thank you! So my daughter never wanted the dummy but my boy loves it (for sleep only, not bothered when awake). It’ll be another battle later on but for now I am keeping it! Yep I agree the controlled crying approach is tough but v effective and at least not as bad as normal cry out where they’re left for ever, crying away.

@LouiseTopaz haha I like to think it’s because they are so alert as they are super clever and want to look at everything!

I honestly just don’t believe this.

There are some babies like that.

8 months is a peak for separation anxiety. Will he contact nap or sleep on your bed next to you?

It’s actually quite common - even more so to stop napping until they are running round and mobile, then they sometimes start napping again.
A baby that age may need as little as 12 hours ( many do have more). Some will do this in one stretch, say 6 pm to 6 am.

Absolutely, my youngest is 15 months and I've no intention of taking it off her yet 😅 I don't believe all the everything they say about dummies , we took it off one of mine when he was 1 as advised by HV and he still ended up with delayed speech. First thing they always ask is " does he still use a dummy" ?