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Do i have to go to bed at 7pm??

445 replies

Blu3Bell · 16/06/2024 15:17

Baby is turning 3 months soon, so I want to get in a good sleep routine. I know this means an earlier bedtime rather than 10/11pm which is what we do now.

My question is, if im putting baby to bed at 7pm ish and NHS guidelines state baby has to be in the same room as an adult for all day and nighttime sleep, does that mean I'm expected to be tucked up in bed at 7pm too for the foreseeable future? I can't see any wayy around it but surely not everyone is doing this?

Any advice/ideas appreciated x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
beanii · 19/06/2024 08:06

Guidelines are just that - guidance.

Baby monitor until you go to bed.

Also if baby is ready to wean before 6 months, go for it - the advice now is crazy.

CadyEastman · 19/06/2024 08:16

I haven't read the full thread so sorry if I'm repeating. As I understand it, it isn't really understood why them sleeping in the same room as you reduces the risk of SIDS but it does.

Around 182 babies a year die from SIDS and sleeping in the same room can halve the risk.

Like all things baby related, the guidance is there for a reason so it's best to know why before making your decisions Wink

TakeMeToTheDarkSideOfTheMoon · 19/06/2024 08:31

fashionqueen0123 · 16/06/2024 15:24

Yes you need to be in the same room (a baby monitor doesn’t replace that) but it doesn’t mean it has to be the bedroom.
Just get a moses basket in your living room or I’d have them breastfeed and sleep on me /the couch and then we’d all go up together about 10/11.
Also please don’t worry if your baby goes to bed late for a longer time. There’s nothing wrong with that :) Mine didn’t and it suited us as then they’d just play/feed/sleep down there with us.

Absolutely this advice... some people are too blasé about safe sleep guidance but it's there for a reason. Our presence helps regulate their breathing... a monitor doesn't do that!

Imisssleep2 · 19/06/2024 08:46

Mine went to bed between 8 and 9 till 5 months and I did opt to go to bed at that time too as the night wakings took a turn for the worst and I needed it lol. But if your lucky and little one is a good sleeper then a video monitor and regular checks for a couple of hou s before you go to bed will be fine

Autumn1990 · 19/06/2024 09:14

I either used to keep mine downstairs with me or read, watch tv in the bedroom.

YoureRockingTheBoat · 19/06/2024 09:24

Our baby slept on a towel on the floor of the sitting room! When I read all these cosy ideas for places to sleep I feel like a complete lunatic.

housethatbuiltme · 19/06/2024 09:28

Just get an Angelcare alarm, then sit down stairs and enjoy your nighttime tv etc... although babiess don't need routine so you can just keep them with you if you prefer.

Doesn't 'have' to be 'angelcare' (thats just the big brand) but I would whole heartedly suggest a movement monitor one... it saved my DS life (cot death looks/sounds just like sleeping).

As for the comments that it wont stop SIDs it absoloutly does... If you maintain blood flow through CPR you have up to 10 minutes to reestablish breathing before brain damage/irreversible death.

I was brought back at 8 minutes as a child, my DS2 was brought back after a minute. If you know when it happens and start intervention immediately you can save them.

Movement monitors are activated by chest movements and alert you after 20 seconds if it stops. Yes you can get false alarms but 100 false alarms where they curled up in the corner away from the sensor are worth it for that one time its real and saves their life.

housethatbuiltme · 19/06/2024 09:32

housethatbuiltme · 19/06/2024 09:28

Just get an Angelcare alarm, then sit down stairs and enjoy your nighttime tv etc... although babiess don't need routine so you can just keep them with you if you prefer.

Doesn't 'have' to be 'angelcare' (thats just the big brand) but I would whole heartedly suggest a movement monitor one... it saved my DS life (cot death looks/sounds just like sleeping).

As for the comments that it wont stop SIDs it absoloutly does... If you maintain blood flow through CPR you have up to 10 minutes to reestablish breathing before brain damage/irreversible death.

I was brought back at 8 minutes as a child, my DS2 was brought back after a minute. If you know when it happens and start intervention immediately you can save them.

Movement monitors are activated by chest movements and alert you after 20 seconds if it stops. Yes you can get false alarms but 100 false alarms where they curled up in the corner away from the sensor are worth it for that one time its real and saves their life.

And for the record I was in the room, asleep, less than a meter away from DS when it happened to us, DH had just left for work 20 minutes earlier and without the alarm I wouldn't have been up for another hour for the school run.

He was blue, cold, limp and not breathing/responding... it happens that quick and my 'snoring' in the same room did nothing to stop it.

visionahead · 19/06/2024 09:33

Our baby (18 years ago now) was continually tired, as were we, until the fairy godmother of a parent turned up and wondered why we had not just put the mite into her own room to sleep at 7pm (with a baby monitor).

From that point onwards, baby slept in their own room which meant they slept soundly and didn't get disturbed by us, and vice versa.

It basically meant that when baby woke up and gurgled or made some noises (not crying btw), we as new (and frankly most) parents didn't rush in which meant baby learnt to self soothe.

CurlewKate · 19/06/2024 09:34

A Moses basket is your friend. Helps them to "learn" to sleep through noise as well. Which is one of the most useful thing a baby can do.

Foxxo · 19/06/2024 09:46

mine are 15 and 18 and stayed asleep in the lounge next to me until i went to bed, until they were 1 tbh.

DS(18) went in his own room at 18mo. DD(15) stayed with me (co-sleeping) until she was 2.5.

moretractorsplease · 19/06/2024 09:47

As I think you know and have alluded to, the reason for keeping them in the room with you is to help them regulate their breathing via your breathing.
This is why the advice is to room share until at least 6 months old.
Putting baby in a different room with a baby monitor is not safe sleep practice.
Go to bed with them at 7pm and watch TV/read or pop baby in a Moses basket in the lounge during the evening.

mylittleitalianhome · 19/06/2024 09:55

Gosh, it never even occurred to me to stay in the same room 24/7 as the baby. From 3 months, they were in their cot by 7.30 and I was enjoying a baby-free dinner until they inevitably woke up an hour later. I don’t know of anyone who wouldn’t leave them with a monitor (and I’m currently pregnant with my second, so I’m not talking about ancient history).

SJC2015 · 19/06/2024 09:58

We started night-time routine at about 3 months with both our children. Until about 5 months I use to go to bed early. Either get sleep (as my kids were rubbish sleepers), read a book or catch up on life admin etc. From 5 months we used a monitor.

Ottersmith · 19/06/2024 10:07

I would have him lying on me in the living room. The tv was really low which annoyed my Mother when she visited.

MavisPennies · 19/06/2024 10:07

This seems batshit to me. We just put our babies to bed (on their backs) in their own little annex, next to our room and went to bed ourselves at a normal time.
The anxiety that all this intricate advice creates can't be good for mothers or babies. The chances of SIDS for back sleeping babies is incredibly small.

lynder · 19/06/2024 10:08

I feel like it's disingenuous for people to insist that there's "no" reason to sleep in the same room.

If you follow the guidance properly that does involve not letting them sleep alone. A baby monitor doesn't replace a human and nor does checking in. It's not about seeing them stop breathing it's about preventing that happen in the first place with the sounds of your breathing, snoring, shifting etc.

We take risks every time we do anything. Crossing the road is a risk. Getting in the car is. When it comes to safe sleep and car safety we all balance the risk with how concerned you are, what's practical, whether it's worth the stress to you. We all end up somewhere on the risk spectrum based on what feels right to us.

I completely understand if someone says that they made a choice not to follow that specific guidance for their own sanity and it's a level of risk they were comfortable with. But I think its unfair to insist the guidance is bullshit just to feel better about not following it. If you're making a decision that a reduction of risk (to an already small risk) isn't worth the sanity hit then just own that.

The guidance is based on research and it is the safest way we currently have. If the guidance was different when you had your kids then that's fine - you did the best thing by your kids by following the guidance. If in 30 years it turns out that actually it's safer for them to sleep suspended from the ceiling by their legs listening to turtle noises interspersed with subliminal positive affirmations then that's fine too. I'd understand that mums would do that instead of doing what we do now because then they have new information.

But saying "oh just do this because my kid did and was fine" shows a fundamental lack of statistics. Of course the majority of children are fine without following guidelines. The guidelines are there to reduce the number who aren't.

I did follow this specific rule with my own and didn't find it a problem at all. While small enough for a Moses basket he just slept in whichever room we were in. If I needed to get stuff done I'd either wear him in a sling or he would be sleeping in his Moses basket in the room I was tidying etc.

Once bigger and in a next2me he had already started to contact nap anyway. I tended to just pop him upstairs in his cot whenever I was going to bed for the night. Or sometimes DH and I would both watch tv upstairs in bed while he slept until we were ready to go to sleep. Or I would sometimes just go to sleep really early, especially during phases where he was waking up a lot as I was exhausted.

To be honest for the first six months his reflux was so bad that he was living a very vertical existence anyway and so he wasn't sleeping happily in his cot for 12 hours a night. Maybe it would have been more tempting to relax that rule if he had so I could have a break. I don't judge people for doing what was best for them. I do judge them for insisting that everyone else should do the same as if the scientific research available is rubbish.

Elphamouche · 19/06/2024 10:10

Ours stays downstairs :) I’m not attempting an earlier bedtime routine yet. She’s 13 weeks.

She goes to bed between midnight and 1am - but she then sleeps through until 8-9, had a bottle and goes back to bed for 1-2hours.

I’m absolutely not leaving her in a different room - like you. We have a routine I suppose, it’s just later than mumsnet want us to have 😂. We’re night owls and usually go to bed 12-1am so it’s not an issue for us. She will get earlier as she gets bigger.

I will tidy the kitchen while she sleeps in the lounge, but they’re basically open plan with half a wall, she can hear me clattering around (we aren’t quiet around her, Christ we were absolutely wetting ourselves with laughter when we got into bed at 1am last night, I don’t know how she didn’t get up and tell us to shut up tbh 😂) and I can see her.

She will nap in her mosses basket During the day, or her pram if we’re out. Then she sleeps in a next to me when we go upstairs. She will stay downstairs with us until she’s at least 6m. If we decide to take her to bed earlier then we will watch TV in bed. But we don’t usually eat until 9pm so no point going up at 7 😂.

LemonadeSunshine · 19/06/2024 10:11

Cot with under mattress monitor. We spent a LOOOONG time 😂setting up the thing for sensitivity and had it go off twice accidently (once DC was scrunched at end of cot, once a tiny knitted ball had got next to the monitor) but it gave us peace of mind that DC was breathing and we could hear through the monitor.
It got DC into a great sleep routine early on. Good luck!

CurlewKate · 19/06/2024 10:12

"From 3 months, they were in their cot by 7.30 and I was enjoying a baby-free dinner until they inevitably woke up an hour later. "

Is there a reason you can't do that with them in a basket in the same room?

musicalfrog · 19/06/2024 10:14

Seems like some posters would much rather have time to themselves and potentially have to resuscitate their baby, than actually follow the safe sleep guidance.

I'm absolutely speechless!

afrikat · 19/06/2024 10:19

musicalfrog · 19/06/2024 10:14

Seems like some posters would much rather have time to themselves and potentially have to resuscitate their baby, than actually follow the safe sleep guidance.

I'm absolutely speechless!

This

Kinshipug · 19/06/2024 10:21

musicalfrog · 19/06/2024 10:14

Seems like some posters would much rather have time to themselves and potentially have to resuscitate their baby, than actually follow the safe sleep guidance.

I'm absolutely speechless!

A healthy weight, full term baby, in a non-smoking household, to an adult mother, on its back in an empty cot has about 0.01% risk of SIDS. Which has be balanced against mums (and yes, it usually mums) own mental health and rest needs, and the needs of the rest of the family.
The goal should be informed risk assessment, rather than anxious and exhausted.

HcbSS · 19/06/2024 10:21

EmmaMills85 · 17/06/2024 16:16

With all five of my children I had a baby monitor , one with a camera If possible , hubby and I would take it in turns to check on baby every half hour until we went to bed x

Us too - a healthy chaotic 7 and 5 year old have just charged down the road to school - never did them any harm. We didn't want to be going to bed literally just after coming in from work, and neither did we want to be using hushed voices all evening.

HcbSS · 19/06/2024 10:22

CurlewKate · 19/06/2024 10:12

"From 3 months, they were in their cot by 7.30 and I was enjoying a baby-free dinner until they inevitably woke up an hour later. "

Is there a reason you can't do that with them in a basket in the same room?

Yeah great fun it is speaking in whispers, worrying about clattering plates/pans, having to have the TV/radio turned right down, not being able to laugh out loud at a joke your OH tells, thinking about lighting.