Do i have to go to bed at 7pm??

[Blu3Bell]

Baby is turning 3 months soon, so I want to get in a good sleep routine. I know this means an earlier bedtime rather than 10/11pm which is what we do now.

My question is, if im putting baby to bed at 7pm ish and NHS guidelines state baby has to be in the same room as an adult for all day and nighttime sleep, does that mean I'm expected to be tucked up in bed at 7pm too for the foreseeable future? I can't see any wayy around it but surely not everyone is doing this?

Any advice/ideas appreciated x

A child in a correctly fitted, high quality rear-facing seat is safer than an adult though, so it's not really comparable to SIDS, which only applies up to 12 months as the risk of sudden death drops drastically after that.

7pm sleep sounds amazing. My two are still running around now. I’m tired 😂😭

@Blu3Bell exactly this here too. I actually had to try quite hard to find the reasons why. It’s as if they think we don’t need to be given the full information to make our own judgement. It’s so odd that the response is always just ‘stay in the same room’ without explaining why as people think monitors and regulator checks are the same.
i did go up with them at 7 and just watched stuff on the iPad - not ideal I guess but it was over soon enough and I can barely remember doing it. It’s not that long in the grand scheme of things and I would do it again if I was to have a third!

My babies both slept on me to be honest in my bed. When they got chunkier at about 3 months or so and it was more uncomfortable for us I moved them to their Moses basket by the side of my bed. Never left them alone

Exactly this. Initially I thought the issue was to do with smothering, which is a factor. But I (wrongly) thought that a baby would stir if it wasn't getting enough air the way we as adults would. But that is literally the issue - the brain doesn't recognise there are supply issues and baby goes deeper and deeper asleep until breathing stops. I don't think it helps that research is still trying to pinpoint why some babies' brains don't develop properly until a bit later so rather than say that even less info is provided.

You could put him to sleep in your bedroom at 7pm but keep a little light on and just watch tv/sort washing/read until you're ready to go to sleep. Or Moses basket as others have said.

I hate to be a downer but if baby is anything like mine she'll won't fall asleep until you are already knackered 😅
To be honest I spent SO long with building routines and "training'. Mines nearly 1 and all the big progressions she made she did despite any input from me.

Oh and I just remembered - there was a period when she was in our room, would fall asleep a bit earlier but still was too young to be left alone.
I just watched YouTube or listened to podcasts on my phone whilst my husband cooked and ate his dinner, then he would come and swap and I would go downstairs for a couple of hours. On the grand scheme of things it's not that long.
We left her with baby monitor at six months (for short periods at first) then in her own room at 7.

You know I did go up with them both and managed to sometimes sneak in a nap. Yes I resented it with no 1 a bit (was desperate to be ‘normal’). And would accidentally fall asleep. With no 2 I was like: see ya later people and off I would go to get some extra sleep in. It’s for a short while and getting them into a good circadian rhythm while getting some extra shut eye was worth it.

DS2 is almost 8 btw and sometimes I sneak in as he’s falling asleep for a cuddle and he’s all ‘go away Mom’. So excuse my rose tinted nostalgic glasses. But in general I found if I just adjusted my expectations I felt much less resentful- I would lie with them, watch Netflix, fall asleep, just let my body relax after a day of parenting. That adjusting of expectations took a lot longer with no 1 because I didn’t know when a particular phase would end or what lay ahead. With no 2 I did relish these bits a lot more.

I was going to bed at that time when both of mine were tiny - not specifically because of needing to be in the same room as them, but because they would both turn into little monsters after midnight, so the only chance I had for more than 60-90 mins of uninterrupted sleep was if I slept at the same time as I put them to bed! Was like that until 8-9 months and they moved into their own rooms, at which point we all started to sleep better

I think this thread is a bit ott as it is so solely focused on ONE preventative factor of SIDS.
According to multiple sources the biggest preventative factors for SIDS are sleep position and at least some breastfeeding - the more, the better (lullaby trust).

I don’t think there’s any harm in being in the same room as your baby for 6 months but I don’t think its very easy or at all
practical for a lot of people, especially those with big families with lots of older children with busy evenings and people coming and going and lots happening. Lots of families can’t spend between 7 and 10pm “dozing and quietly chatting, watching tv and taking turns to shower while baby snoozes”
If only!!!

my little one used to either contact nap on me until my bedtime , or sleep in a Moses basket on the sofa between myself and my husband while we watched TV. I enjoyed my downtime much more when I wasn’t worrying about baby in the other room . I get that you find being apart anxiety inducing. My son was a sids risk, so I wasn’t taking any chances .

I did this with my twins, tried to start a proper routine at around 10-ish weeks, put them in a crib in my bedroom, down for 7 and I got in to bed.
Honestly I was on the bones of my arse with exhaustion that most nights I passed out 🤣 but other nights I read a book (you can get book lights you attach which are ace) or watched Netflix on my husbands tablet. 90% of the time though with the white noise whirring away, I was gone, 😴 haha.

We used have DS in his Moses basket asleep with us downstairs before he woke for a feed around 10, fed him then settled him upstairs with us when we went to bed. Occasionally I would leave him with DH and go to bed early myself and sleep until the night feed.

I'm in awe of all those of you who weren't pretty ready for sleep yourselves by 8pm

My daughter is nearly 9 and I feel the same as you, have never heard of this! I followed Gina Ford and it worked a treat. I had been putting her to bed in her room for naps and having her next to me at night (bungalow so all one floor) One night about 3 months she woke in the crib next to me and wouldn't settle, so I put her in her own room and cot and she went straight to sleep 😂 She still loves her own bed now and is the queen of lie ins much to my delight as I am a night owl and love my lie ins too!

With our DD we had a moses basket in lounge and put her down there until we went upstairs and she went into the bedside cot. This carried on until she was 4 months when i felt ok to use a baby monitor (audio) with her in the bedside crib. At 6 months she went into her own room although for 2 weeks Prior i napped her in her room to get used to it.

Good luck!

i remember keeping lo downstairs with me but i dont know for how long.

We “put baby to sleep” in the Moses basket in the living room. Lights off but tv on and moving around. He was fine til nearly six months doing that. He also slept there for daytime sleep. A sleep consultant insisted we had a pitch black room with white noise and no shred of light for our first and I hated leaving him with just the monitor before six months as it felt so dangerous. Plus I just sat there watching him breathe on the monitor anyway.

Most of the reason there has been a reduction in SIDS is due to the guidance on putting baby to sleep on the back. Socioeconomic status, from memory, a significant correlate too.

Research indicate that there is likely an inborn issue in children who do develop SIDS, but much is still unknown.

I'm staggered, and saddened to hear when people say they know lots of parents who have lost babies to sids. I've not in my life come across even someone who knows someone, and I have a very wide circle of friends and community acquaintances.

As we no longer have a network of family and wider family surrounding us as there used to be, with wise aunts/neighbours etc with experience and 'common sense' and an ability to calm new parents, increasingly parenthood has become very anxiety ridden. Anxiety in parents does transfer and the key basic needs for parents (as it is for children) is food and sleep. If you don't have those, you are simply not at your optimum as a human or parent.

So don't feel bad about leaving baby to sleep at 7pm. Don't feel bad if you can't breastfeed or choose formula; don't feel bad if you don't always feed your kids super healthy food.

Oh my God, thank God it isn't just me! My eldest is 11, I was sat here terrified that i had failed as a parent, both of mine always went to bed and I went back downstairs to do jobs or flake out becauseI thought I should be leaving them to sleep independently. I wish I had known all this. Free bed pass at 7pm. I'd have been there every night!

I think the idea is not to leave them alone in a room by themselves while you are asleep in another room and less likely to hear them.

If they are asleep and you are awake in another room and have a baby monitor that you can hear them, for 2-3 hours it will be fine.

No that's incorrect it's not about being able to hear them/listen to a monitor (you wouldn't hear if they'd stopped breathing anyway?!)

Its the fact that babies seem to regulate their breathing better if we are in the room with them so it's important for them to have us there.

It is only for the first few months of being a tiny baby - not until they are 18....

lol. Love the worldwide discrepancies in pregnancy and infant care!!!

a) your kid does not need to go to bed at 7 and neither do you! They just need sleep! Once they are school age you may have to modify. Or depending on your care situation.
b) no they do not need to be in the room with you. Other Countries and eras said that’s bad and an independent room is best. You just need to be able to get kiddo incase of fire.

you just do you mamma! You know best.