Still not linking sleep cycles - 13 months old (cosleeping/BF)

[Brightandbreezey]

I just wanted to ask when your baby started to consistently link sleep cycles?

My DD is 13 months (not far off 14) and still does not consistently link her sleep cycles. I co sleep and breast feed but can be woken up every hour at night as she wants to suckle/feed back to sleep. It’s particularly bad at the moment (vaccinations, coughs/colds, teething and learning to walk).

Same with day naps. She will sleep for 45 mins ish and then I will need to go in and help her settle for longer (breastfeed/rock/sing).

On occasion she can do it but it’s not frequent at all.

Not interested in sleep training/CIO. Appreciate these may have worked for others but I’m not going to do it.

I wouldn’t say I’m at my wits end but I must admit I was hoping for longer stretches by now!!! 🥱

Anyone? I’m not really looking for advice… more reassurance that my baby will one day link her cycles!

hi @Brightandbreezey im not sure tbh if I can give you reassurance. Unfortunately I only have the opposite story. My niece is rocked to sleep and wakes in between sleep cycles and won’t settle without rocking. Effectively her sleep association. She is almost 2.
her mum does wish she had worked on independent sleep younger because now it seems difficult but equally we are hoping once her communication improves it may be easier to explain to her to try and support her sleep.

i think if you aren’t fussed then it isn’t a concern. But I don’t know if syncing sleep cycles longer stretches happen without us helping our children. So maybe instead of a suckle you give a cuddle or something else to show little one they can sleep without it.

im certain some kids are “easier sleepers” but im sure all kids to sleep eventually. The only thing I would think about in your case is when you decide to wean your child you don’t want them to be dealing with that as well as losing their sleep.

you sound content in your current situation so no need to change it but I guess I can’t say from my experience that automatic sleep development happens. My own daughter started to wake for a feed out of habit 3 hours after she had been put down by the time she was 10 months I opted to cuddle her during that wake and offer feed at next wake. She soon stopped waking for the feed- I was happy to continue cuddling.

How many naps does your daughter have per day? It may be she doesn't actually need resetting after a 45min nap (so effectively a single cycle), although more likely to be needed if she is only napping once per day. Maybe more sleep pressure at the start of he night would help with sleep consolidation.

With my daughter she started sleeping in a 4-5 hour chunk at least once per night naturally just before turning one. But she sleeps in her own cot rather than cosleeping so unsure if that makes a difference. I have recently night weaned too and I think it has slightly reduced wake ups at night but she is still up at least 2 or 3 times

Thank you both so much for taking the time to respond to me. I appreciate it!
@Pinklilly - that does concern me that your niece is nearly 2 and doesn’t link her sleep. I really hope I’m not in that situation when DD is nearly two. I’m mostly happy now because I have taken career break so I don’t have to get up and go to work or anything so it’s ok. But I will be back at work when she’s 2 so that’s a worry! I hope things get easier soon for your niece and her mum!!
@angelpie33 - she has one nap a day. I physically couldn’t fit 2 naps in any more with her schedule. She tends to be able to go for quite long stretches with out needing a nap (4-5 hours) so I just try to make sure her one nap is a good one - hence the going in to resettle. It’s great to hear that your LO one just naturally started to do longer stretches. That’s reassuring!! I do sometimes try and sleep in a separate bed (I have two on the floor in my room) to see if she goes for longer without me next to her as I worry I disturb her but it never works!! In fact she did give me a 3 hour stretch 2 nights ago with me next to her, sometimes I think she just likes the reassurance of me next to her.
I have no problem whatsoever with waking a couple of times a night, in fact I like being so close to her. It’s just the nights where she wakes every hour I find exhausting!

Cosleeping and breastfeeding is the problem here but as you aren’t willing to change that, there’s not much to be done but power through.

@GoodnightAdeline thanks for your input but I don’t see supporting and comforting my baby as “a problem”. Like I’ve stated I’m ok to continue with this and “power through”, just intrigued when developmentally she might be ready to link on her own and what other people’s experience of this is.

My little one is nearly 2 and still breastfed. We moved her into her own room at 6 months because we found we were both waking each other up more at that point. I still continued to go and feed whenever she needed resettling. But I found that over time she gradually slept for longer and the waking reduced. There was a major change at around 14 months. She will occasionally still need a resettle, but she mostly sleeps through. She will wake briefly in the night sometimes between sleep cycles with a little whinge, but will put herself back to sleep within a couple of minutes. I think that being in a separate room was what made the difference for us.

@Depressedbarbie - thank you for replying. That’s really interesting about the 14 month mark and how things changed. I have heard/read after 12 months things can get easier.
I am always intrigued about sleeping separately… I have tried a different bed but she can still wake frequently without me next to her. Sometimes my DP sleeps with her to give me a break but the time can be anything from 1 hour - 3 hours (which I have had sometimes too) so it doesn’t seem to make a massive difference.
How did you find going in to breastfeed? I always think that will just wake everyone up more!

@Brightandbreezey I found going into breastfeed tiring initially, but it gave me much better quality sleep in between. So it worked better for me. Also my other half was able to sleep better that way - he woke up more with me feeding her in the bed. Jsut the way it worked for us!

It obviously is a problem as you’ve posted on here in need of support? Please do also bear in mind babies need good sleep for development as well as food, comfort and all the rest of it - don’t give yourself a hard time unnecessarily.

My baby started to link sleep cycles when we sleep trained.

We were all happier and more energetic, especially her, after that.

I agree with this. Unfortunately OP, you can't continue to cosleep and breastfeed at every wake up and magically think your toddler will sleep thorough - you have to actually change something. That doesn't mean you can't still respond to your child or that you have to stop meeting her needs (it isn't a binary choice). Have you thought about offering water when she wakes, or trying to resettle without feeding her? Would you consider moving her to own room? You do need to provide the foundations of good sleep for her own development more than anything, so gently helping her move into a more independent sleep space would be a healthy step and likely would reduce the night wakings, as would not feeding though the night (which isn't good for her teeth either)

I appreciate people taking the time respond. However I am not going to stop breastfeeding (WHO advises to breast feed for up to 2 years and not to start night weaning until 18 months) and I’m not going to stop cosleeping or responding appropriately to my babies needs in the night.
My baby is not up all hours through the night which I think people might have misunderstood. She wakes up every 45 min - 2 hours, suckles for about 5- 10 minutes (whilst probably still mostly asleep). When I wrote the post it was definitely 45 mins but I think (as stated in original post) there was a lot going on for her at the time.
I however sometimes struggle to go back to sleep and hoped I’d get a few longer stretches so I could, hence the original post querying this and asking for other people’s experience.
I am not sleep deprived and my baby definitely isn’t (very happy in the day, meeting milestones etc).
The times I’ve tried to offer something else/slept in a different bed has always made her more upset and woken her up more and needed much more intervention to get her back to sleep - rocking singing etc. During these nights she’s not sleeping more and getting distressed so why is that better for her (or me!)?
Also the tooth decay thing isn’t founded - https://laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-dental-health/
Again thanks for the responses. I’m not going to get into battles about the pros and cons of sleep training with people. If it’s worked for you - great! But it’s really not for me. I don’t need a “magical” solution, I was just curious about other BF/cosleeping experiences.

@Brightandbreezey i also agree with you regarding breastfeeding. I don’t believe it’s an issue. I breastfed my daughter until 18 months (stopped only because I was pregnant and unfortunately had hyperemesis which resulted in several hospital admissions therefore thought it was better to wean) anyway she was sleeping through the night before that. I did breastfeed her before bed- sometimes she fell asleep on breast other times she was awake but I put her down in cot so I don’t know if that encouraged sleep cycles.
breastfeeding I don’t believe is the obstacle to continuous sleep!

you sound like you’re managing well and although what you describe would be challenging for some. ultimately if you feel rested and believe your child is too then it’s fine.
i couldn’t co sleep as I didn’t get any rest but equally I also felt my daughter wasn’t getting good quality sleep as she was always in a “light sleep” also cranky etc. so I did work on sleep in cot. Again it’s about instinctively responding to your child and sounds like you are

This. Baby is waking because BF is comfort, they don't 'need' the nutrients/calories by that age. And cosleeping is probably disturbing their sleep.
Cot and weaning seem easy wins, not sure what else to suggest. WHO recommend all sorts of things, it's not mandatory.

Thank you @Pinklilly x

My DS used to wake every 1-2hrs up to 16 months and would only get back to sleep with the boob. It got much much better after I stopped BF during the night - he started sleeping for longer periods and was able to settle without the boob (we still responded and comforted him, just no boob).

At some point around 14 months I sensed that he was starting to feed more for comfort rather than hunger (he would linger longer on the boob than needed / not really feeding) - before that point I think he was defo hungry and I'm not sure night weaning would have worked so well.

I know you're not ready to night wean yet, but hopefully it will help when you are. That being said, I wasn't co-sleeping so not sure how easy it would be to night wean in that situation. For us it took 3-5 days for him to stop asking for it in the night, which was much quicker than I imagined! And the impact on the sleep was immediate.

Also - I tried co-sleeping a few times but whether he was in the cot or co-sleeping made no difference at all to his sleep. For us, the biggest impact was the BF.

I continued to BF once a day until he was 2yrs and 2 months.

Also, we spoke with a child psychologist / sleep advisor who really helped us navigate that transition away from BF, in a gentle and respectful way.

Mine was 2 I think. She didn't start sleeping through until she was 3.5. She's four now and is a dream sleeper, wakes up to do a wee and straight back to bed.
I weaned at 3yrs 8 months.

Your baby has two big sleep associations (BF and co sleeping) she doesn’t know how to get back to sleep without those things, she won’t just magically learn to connect sleep cycles without those things.

you don’t have to sleep train but you can look at sleep support to help her learn independent sleep

Geez @Brightandbreezey no wonder you came to my thread for some hope! I find it so interesting how different threads can attract different positions. I wonder where this myth has come from that children's sleep won't improve unless you sleep train? You know my story - I did stop breastfeeding to sleep - made no difference. I did get him self settling - made no difference. Last night I just had one wake all night, so that's two really good nights out of 3, completely out of the blue. It's coincided with him learning to roll from his back to his front (.....I know, 14 months is a bit late for that! He can crawl but couldn't roll!) ... so perhaps he was just frustrated at being like a stranded tortoise on its back!

Thank you @AlmostCutMyHairToday and @britneyisfree for your personal stories… I find it interesting to hear what other people have done and how well it worked. Both myself and my DD are not ready for nightweaning and I’m happy to continue with it. It won’t be forever and yes some night are tough but others are fine for me.
As already stated many times I am not looking for a ‘magical’ solution as I don’t believe we have a ‘problem’. I only wanted to hear other people experiences. Anyone who thinks baby sleep is a problem I would look up Lynsey Hookway on insta… she normalises all the crazy behaviour!
@CasaMundi - yes absolutely! I needed some reassurance and your post certainly helped so thank you for that! Really great news about the one wake up! I bet that felt good!! Hope you’re onto something new here!!

While we were not co sleepers, I have always been very responsive to my child and gone to him whenever he has cried etc. He has never been a good sleeper, and while sleep cycles were being linked, at 12 months we were awake for 90 min stretches at least once a night while he fed. Suddenly at 13 months, he has started sleeping through, with no wakes at all. So what I mean to say is it will happen when it happens.

However I think it will be difficult while you cosleep as you probably naturally wake each other up with moving etc. We found my son slept better when he moved into his own room. The other thing that has more generally helped is that I will wait 2-3 min if he stirs and more often than not he will go back to sleep (he often does this during his nap), I do think this has helped him to learn to go back to sleep on his own. If he’s still upset after 3 min I go in.

Hey @Brightandbreezey I'm in the exact same position as you were almost a year ago. Any update? Did your DD end up sleeping through the night?

Hello @Julesyintheskywithdiamonds thanks for your message and sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time!
Yes my little girl is now just over two. It took some time and lots of adjustments but she now sleeps pretty well. She can still have 1-2 wake ups but is easily settled and sleeps in her own room now.
I weaned her around 18/19 months (wasn’t necessarily my choice but I got pregnant with twins and my milk supply reduced drastically). To be honest weaning did not help one bit… she still woke up frequently and my partner had to step in and rock her back to sleep. It was even more gruelling then just breastfeeding her back to sleep!! Took longer for her to settle and she was more upset.
But since she turned 2 she seems to have just started to understand sleep better… knows when she’s tired etc. My partner still holds her and gentle rocks her to sleep though… something we are working on moving away from!
I would say do what works for you and your little one… there is no magic cure and eventually you child will just start to sleep better. Like I said weaning didn’t help. Sleeping in her own room doesn’t really help. I think her just being developmentally ready made the difference!! Good luck x

@Brightandbreezey thank you for your reply🙏 congratulations on twins! My goodness. You must be busy. Thanks again xo