I really, really need some help and advice from people who know where I am at the moment because I can't take any more.
I'm struggling to put into words just how desperate I am but I'm at the point that I am getting so frustrated, shattered and angry with him that I've been on the brink of shaking him and it's taken a huge effort to put him in his cot and walk away.
Ds2 is 14mo and has never been a good sleeper. If he wakes up once in the night that's a fantastic night but they are few and far between.
The pattern he's in at the moment, which has been going on since christmas, is that he goes to bed at 6 - 6:30pm then wakes somewhere between 10pm and 11pm. Then he's up and down, settling for a few minutes, then waking and crying until I resettle him, sleeping for a few minutes, waking, etc, etc for at least 2 hours, often up to 3 and a half hours.
DH has been working away during the week since last May so I've been dealing with ds2 by myself which now means he will not settle for dh at all. If dh goes to him he screams, kicks, scratches, flings himself out of his arms for anything up to 2 hours when he exhausts himself and falls asleep. If I go in he will calm instantly.
It's causing rows between dh and I because dh feels awful that his own baby rejects him and he can't give me any kind of break at the weekend. I'm resentful that it's all down to me and I find it incredibly stressful to lie in bed and listen to ds2 screaming the house down, even though dh is there.
We have tried every sleep training method going but none of them have made a significant difference.
No Cry Sleep Solution helped him to fall asleep when he first goes to bed without being fed or cuddled to sleep but made no difference to night wakings.
Controlled Comforting (letting him cry, going in, comforting him in the cot until he was calm then going out, every 5 mins) was a disaster. It took 2 hours the first night then the second night he wouldn't even go near his cot. I ended up cuddling him to sleep but he would wake up and scream as soon as I put him in the cot.
Gradual Retreat took over 2 weeks and meant he would go in his cot but still needed me to go into him when he woke in the night.
Medised makes no difference, he still wakes up 3 hours later.
We used to co sleep but he won't settle in with me anymore. He fusses and climbs all over me for hours.
We went to stay with my parents a couple of weeks ago and they had him in their room for the second week we were there. That made no difference either. He still woke, still fussed for ages before settling properly, still needed a cuddle before he'd go back down in his cot.
I've spent more nights than i care to remember sleeping on the floor next to his cot but he still needs picking up and cuddling before he'll go back to slep when he wakes. It's not enough just to know I'm there. It's the same when his cot's in our room.
It doesn't matter whether he has 30 mins or 2 hours nap in the day, he still does the same at night.
He'll only sleep for 30 mins in the car or buggy, even on a long motorway journey and wakes the second the engine turns off or the buggy stops moving.
I just don't know what to do now. He's losing upwards of 2 or 3 hours sleep at night. He's exhausted and needs to go back to bed within a couple of hours of getting up, he's whingy and clingy for a lot of the day and I can't cope.
So many of my memories of his ife so far involve me sitting on the floor of his bedroom, in tears and begging him to go to sleep. Or being so angry that he won't sleep and picking him up out of his cot too roughly. Or screaming and swearing at him to go to sleep.
It's horrible. I hate it. I hate the person I become. I hate the way the lack of sleep affects everything. But I don't know what to do next. I need help but I have no idea where to turn.