Ferber night 1

[icingonthecake7]

I have a 7 month old who was born at 37 weeks quite small (5lb) and has always struggled with sleep.

he will go down for naps with rocking/ walking/ patting and shushing but I was getting exhausted and actually hurt my back doing this (he put on weight and climbed the centiles from 0.5 to 25% so not so small anymore!)

today, I decided to start the Ferber method after reading his book and some positive stories online. I just wanted to share my experiences over the week and seek any solidarity/ helpful advice as I go through what I can only describe as one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my motherhood journey to date!

Good luck 🍀 any form of sleep training is tough but stick it out and you'll see results quickly I'm sure. I did it when my son was older than yours and the first night was the worst. I did 1 minute increases and got up to 7 minutes before he fell asleep. The second night we only got up to 4 minutes. It might take a bit longer because your little one is younger but I'm sure you'll get there

So after our usual bedtime routine (slightly delayed due to a late nap), he didn’t drink his milk today (combination fed so he had some breast milk but no bottle) and I put him in his cot at 20:27.

i went in at 3 mins, 5mins and 10mins intervals. No picking up, just soothing in the cot with my hand on his chest and shushing. I said it’s time to sleep, mummy loves you and goodnight darling. The crying was horrific to listen to but I persisted and he’s been asleep since 21:05.

he hasn’t been night weaned and was used to co-sleeping with me and breastfeeding 2-3 times during the night- sometimes more for comfort than actual sustenance (he has always refused a dummy and I feel this is what he uses my nipple for at night 😒).

anyway, I’m sat here waiting for him to wake up and ready to do it all again but also will need to figure out how to do his bottle during the night without causing too much disturbance.

i live with my parents and have been criticised and told I shouldn’t have been a mother if I was just going to leave the baby to cry; that the neighbours are going to call social services and that I must have a heart of stone to listen to him crying and not pick him up. I really hope this works to help him sleep better through the night - I’ve got it in my head I’ll try it for a week and hope for the best

thanks for reading so far.. it’s going to be a tough week and I’d appreciate some encouragement to help me through.

You’ll get flamed for saying your trying sleep training on this forum, so don’t listen if you know it’s the right thing for you and your baby.

I sleep trained at 7 months as my second son was waking 6-8 times a night and it was the best thing for us. The value of a decent nights sleep for your well-being , your relationship and energy levels is really significant. I wasn’t a very good mother to two under two running on empty. Co-sleeping just didn’t work for us either despite exclusively breastfeeding.

Good luck and hope it goes well! It took us about 3-4 nights 👍

@TeddyBeans thank you so much! I really struggled with when the right time would be but he is now weaned and I’m preparing to go back to work. I didn’t like the thought of him crying in nursery on his own not knowing how to settle!

Your timing decreases are reassuring - I hope I see the same trends 🤞🏽

When we did it, the first night was difficult, but we got through it.
The second night was much easier.

And on the third night, she just slept through.

Keep going, OP.

@OopsOutnumbered123 thank you, that really means so much. I’m a single mum and I do second guess my decisions but you’re right. The end goal is better sleep and that is invaluable for his growth and my sanity!

I've read this. Looked up Ferber method.. I'm a qualified NNEB... okay so this was 40 odd years ago.. but my gosh.. we never heard of such a thing.. but apparently it's same as sleep training..which is against NHS guidelines.
I can't read anymore of this cruelty..I'm actually crying for your poor babies.
Anyhow I'm going to hide this thread.. so l won't see any answers..so no point in replying to me.
I'll leave you to your conscience.
😪

Why did you post?

You're deliberately trying to upset the OP.

PLEASE leave her be. I did Ferber nearly forty years ago and my daughter is a fine adult.
She remembers nothing of the sleep training. Babies never do.

And sleep training is not against NHS guidelines.
You've made that up.

Savage. They are tiny humans who rely on you to comfort and soothe them- not dogs you can 'train'.

Sleep will come- I'm sorry but I can't stand it when my child cries and she's 2.5- as in; I need to comfort her to make sure she is okay/knows I am there etc

Sometimes it needs to happen because guess what a sleep deprived parent is dangerous and can cause an accident. and a baby needs to sleep well for their development. They're doing the best thing for their situation.

It takes two nights to do.
They never remember it.

oh dear, I should’ve been prepared for the negative comments too.

I dont quite understand the extreme vocabulary (savage? cruel?) to me as a loving parent, it’s a choice I’m making to help my child. I’m not being abusive or neglectful. Of course it’s hard hearing your child cry.. but he’s cried for longer on a car journey when I couldn’t stop on the motorway to soothe him. I’ve also worked on neonatal wards where babies are constantly crying and I’m sure they don’t remember those early days as they develop.

Thank you for all the supportive comments.. he’s still sleeping soundly (longest he’s slept in months) and I’m making his milk for if/when he wakes up. Made it to Monday morning.. well.. few more hours to go but I’m feeling more positive now than when I started

You're doing fine, OP.
Pay them no heed.

Don't be ridiculous (in your comment and in making a comment then deciding not to listen to any responses. How cruel and cowardly).

I do hate when people say it takes two-three nights. It just doesn't for a lot of people and I think this gives false hope. As soon as they get sick they start waking again. 7 months is really young and it is mixed messages if you're going to feed him. From the baby's perspective sometimes they cry and they're ignored, other times they get fed. Result tends to be they cry for longer. I'm not saying baby and mum doesn't need to sleep and it's great to help them get there independently but I still think the Ferber method is really hit and miss.

Progress update: he hit his head against the cot whilst turning his head and woke himself up around 00:30. I can in to make sure he wasn’t hurt and picked him up so tried to see if he’d take a bottle at the same time. He refused the bottle but did suckle for 5mins.

I put him back in the crib awake and he cried for 2 mins then fidgeted and has put himself to bed around half an hour ago 😃

I do get that this method won’t work for everyone and even the book states the exceptions. But it’s really wonderful to see him have a deep sleep (3.5hrs initial sleep!) and look settled and comfortable in his cot.. not tossing/turning next to me trying to climb on me or need to be rocked.

I also get that a good night tonight doesn’t necessitate the same again tomorrow or when circumstances change like illness. But it’s a start and I started the process giving us a week so I’ll wait it out and see how he goes.

We did the 'super nanny' sleep training method when my dd2 was 8months. (We had a Dd1 who would have been 3yo at that stage)

Took about 2-3 nights for it to kick in. The fist night was the worst, but much better night 2 & 3 and then we didn't look back.

She of course doest remember it.

You do what you have to do when you need to get some balance and sleep back in your life.

It's not for everyone, granted, but worth a try and you all may very well reap the benefits.

Fingers crossed for you :) it isn't a bad thing to parent how you know you need to for the well-being of yourself and your child. For some co sleeping/being on demand wherever baby is sleeping works really well (no judgement), for others it creates something really bad and both parent and child are without sleep, I don't think it's cruel to take steps to resolve that at all. I say that as someone who didn't do this myself. No parent enjoys their child crying, sometimes finding a way for baby to settle themselves really is necessary, not just for parent, but for baby, them being sleep deprived is not good for their well-being at such a young age

Morning all. We had one further wake up at 0353 and slept again at 0417 after some soft crying.

I’m just going to make my coffee and open the blinds/ let him wake up! It’s been a surprisingly ok night and I feel very hopeful for the rest of the week

The encouraging messages really helped and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who took the time to reply ☺️

Poor baby. I hate these posts.

Well done, OP! You made it through night one.

For people saying it only works for a limited time - that was not my experience, nor that of people I know who've done it.

It does work in just a few days and if you follow what the book says, it carries on working.

People who claim that sleep training doesn't work are not following the advice in the book.

Don't read them then.

You can always keep scrolling.