Ferber night 1

[icingonthecake7]

I have a 7 month old who was born at 37 weeks quite small (5lb) and has always struggled with sleep.

he will go down for naps with rocking/ walking/ patting and shushing but I was getting exhausted and actually hurt my back doing this (he put on weight and climbed the centiles from 0.5 to 25% so not so small anymore!)

today, I decided to start the Ferber method after reading his book and some positive stories online. I just wanted to share my experiences over the week and seek any solidarity/ helpful advice as I go through what I can only describe as one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my motherhood journey to date!

Ignore the negative comments. Glad he's sleeping through 😊

Well done! Glad he's sleeping through.

Babies need sleep to grow and develop, at this age they absolutely don't need to be constantly rocked and/or fed all night. They just don't.

As a parent, it is a good thing to teach these good habits instead of encouraging bad habits yet complaining when your 5 year old still doesn't sleep through. Best thing I ever did.

And sometimes, it simply does not work

I've only heard of it not working when the advice on the book is not actually followed.

Poor baby - don’t be ridiculous. The baby and parents need a good nights sleep. I went back to work full time when DT’s were six months old - I couldn’t have functioned properly without sleep. DH is a doctor - do you want to be treated by a doctor who has been kept awake each night by DT’s?

@Jenry i don’t mind people questioning anything but it’s the manner in which it’s said. We all have an opinion about something and a healthy debate is the foundation of a democratic society- but being judgemental and openly critical of something you don’t agree with is what I’m pointing out.

a parenting forum shouldn’t be trying to make a first time single mum feel like crap when she’s trying to do the best by her son. There are ways to raise concerns gently/ discuss opinions politely.

Sure OP but you're not doing it for your son, you're doing it for you

She's doing it for her son. You do realise if a baby doesn't get the right amount of sleep it's dentremental to their development

Do you know what else is detrimental to their development? An insecure attachment to their caregiver.

Well done! Absolutely amazing progress over just a couple of nights. I am sure he is much happier too.
Couple of things - definitely keep everything consistent for naps and night sleep or you will confuse him. He wouldn’t understand why sometimes he is rocked or held and others not.

Babies of this age drop their afternoon nap and bedtime comes forward. What’s his routine currently?

again well done!!

3 nights of minimal crying is hardly going to cause him to have an insecure attachment. Don't be ridiculous.

They won't have an insecure attachment at all.

Glad you’re having some success @icingonthecake7

I may give it a try at some point too - out of interest are you doing it for day naps too? Or just night sleep?

i am struggling with the naps tbh.. not sure if it’s the daylight or the sounds from the street but he doesn’t settle as easily.

our routine:
wake up 8am and breastfeed
porridge 9
nap 1 10-11
lunch 12.30
nap 2 2-4
bath/bottle 7
story and lullabies and in cot between 7.30-8 (this may be delayed if his nap is a bit later as he’s cried a bit more).

he has had a bottle aversion (especially with me) and can only take bottle when drowsy so I breastfeed and swap to bottle before his naps. Then have a little cuddle and down in cot. He takes the bottle a lot better with his dad and my mum. This week, trying with a sippy cup.. but that’s another post lol

he was on 3 naps up to 6 months so not sure I’m ready for him to lose his afternoon nap just yet (hems just turned 7months). I am so pleased with how it’s working.. it’s the way he sleeps through the whole night 😃so amazing!

to the poster who said I’m doing it for me and not him.. I wish you could see the difference in his sleep over the last 3 days and what a smiley, happy baby he is. I will keep repeating- this is not for everyone but it’s working for us. And i’m very grateful!

Ok so I would suggest some small tweaks to the routine. He is having a 13-hour night which is quite unusual. The first nap is also v early if he’s only been up since 8.
Standard would be more like this :

7 months
7am wake and milk
8.30am brekkie eg porridge with blueberries or mashed banana and toast fingers

9.15 -10am nap 1. Cap this nap at 40-45 mins max

11.30am lunch including protein eg baked salmon fillet and rice; chicken soup with baby pasta; fish pie
full fat Greek yoghurt for dessert

1-3 nap or 12.30 - 3 if he’s very tired

3pm milk and small snack

5pm dinner, carb based eg pasta and veg sauce

6pm bath

6.30pm milk

7pm bed

Hey OP, just checking in to see how you're getting on - sounds like you're doing amazing! I just wanted to say that I had to sleep train my son twice. First time when he was 11 months and he hit the sleep regression really hard and the second time when he was 2.5ish. He's almost 6 now and contrary to popular belief he and I have the most amazing bond. Sleep training has not damaged him, it wasn't for my benefit, it's just what needed to happen for the sanity of my household!

Thank you @LapinR0se
that’s actually really helpful!
I was following huckleberry app then just made up my own after 6months 😂

just having milk ready for night 4 🤞🏽

Well done OP. Sorry you're getting such a hard time on here, you've got to do what's best for your family. I know that Ferber saved my sanity. Hope it continues to go well.

You're doing just fine, OP.

Can you get blackout blinds for the bedroom so that it's darker when he naps?

@TheShellBeach I followed it to the letter and it didn't work. With either child. It's really hard to hear other people say oh we had 3 mins of crying and then they went to sleep. That's not the case for a lot of babies and it gives parents false hope. I agree there's no point criticising someone who has decided to do it. It's clearly not akin to abuse but it is worth a bit of balance. Same with getting a 2 hour nap. For a lot of parents they can't get more than 1 sleep cycle even following wake windows to the letter, plenty of outside time etc. clearly not an issue with linking sleep cycles or self settling as they can do it at night but for whatever reason some kids just get FOMO.

Literally

It's not harmful at all

@mnuser97427 just because there’s a meme on the internet that agrees with you, doesn’t make it ‘literally’ gospel truth 😂

There’s also a massive difference between ignoring your child and allowing gradually built times between check ins to reach the goal of better sleep.

go preach to drug addicts/parents addicted to social media who are actually ignoring their children. Stop coming at me for doing something good to my child, who by the way is sleeping peacefully and will most likely sleep through the night and wake refreshed and happy.

i’m getting a bit bored with the constant use of derogatory language like ‘ignore’ and ‘harmful’.
i’ve said it many times already.. if it’s not for you, don’t do it. What is up with forcing your views on everyone else? Stop being so bloody judgemental!

Ignore the rude posters. I struggled bonding with my baby because he was so fractious and was spending more time soothing him than he was sleeping. I felt like he hated me and with previous MH problems I had been flagged as high risk for PND and was really conscious of my MH going downhill so we decided to go down the Ferber route. It took 1 night… our DS now sleeps from 7-7 at 7 months old and goes straight to sleep when we put him down to nap during the day. Yes he does still shout when he wants something, so no, he hasn’t “learnt that we won’t respond to him” ☺️. He is now such a happy baby and we have the most amazing bond because we’re both rested and have energy for play 🥰. You’ve had such a good start! Keep going!!! You’ll reap the benefits for your relationship with your LO.

Hey OP, another message of support. I refused to sleep train my first and honestly looking back, I clearly had PND, I was SO sleep deprived and it destroyed my mental health. Now on baby #3 (late addition many years later) and open to sleep training methods if need be. What you are doing is not the same as 'cry it out' (which I do think is awful)... if this works for you and your baby (which it seems to) then go with it, and good luck.

Also sorry to say but your baby's dad... saying he'd stay up but he's never even done a single night. What a joker.