Ferber night 1

[icingonthecake7]

I have a 7 month old who was born at 37 weeks quite small (5lb) and has always struggled with sleep.

he will go down for naps with rocking/ walking/ patting and shushing but I was getting exhausted and actually hurt my back doing this (he put on weight and climbed the centiles from 0.5 to 25% so not so small anymore!)

today, I decided to start the Ferber method after reading his book and some positive stories online. I just wanted to share my experiences over the week and seek any solidarity/ helpful advice as I go through what I can only describe as one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my motherhood journey to date!

Night 2 has gone very well and asleep within 15mins ☺️

the naps were a bit harder and I’m now wondering whether I just focus on the night time and solidify first or whether it will be confusing if I don’t have the same routine for all sleep times. I’ll see how he goes tomorrow.

For the posters commenting negatively, this thread really isn’t for you. He has had a lovely day and has been smiling, eating well and being loved beyond comprehension. It may not be for you, but that doesn’t make it wrong. So far, I couldn’t be happier with his progress.

I'd do the same routine for your baby's naps, OP.

He won't be able to differentiate between naps and bedtime.

I'm so glad he went down so easily for you tonight.

I'm so glad it went well OP. Please keep us updated!

Night Three
Will your baby go to sleep all night?
Or most of it?

The maps are really hard!
baby’s dad was here today and he was crying for 40minutes and in the end he went and picked him up. He ended up falling asleep on dad from 4-5pm - this is the only thing I’m not sure about because he is sleeping less for his second nap I wonder if that’s why he’s going down so quickly for his bedtime!

we are really getting into bed time routine though
he went down at 2032 today, stopped crying at 2046 and asleep soon after ☺️

*naps

we were both born in south Asian countries and have had quite traditional upbringing (but been in UK since primary school). I’m definitely more western thinking that baby’s dad and we had a very long debate today about sleep training and why I’m going against my instinct to soothe/rock and trying to fit in with the current trends of having baby sleep in a different room/on his own (he has never done a night with baby but said he would happily give up his sleep if that’s what it took and stay up with him and cuddle him all night).

anyway, it made me cry and I felt really guilty but I’m glad I am persisting and he is slowly improving because I know my intentions are good and the benefits to him will outweigh the negative stresses from the crying

(sorry just wanted to vent)

Yeah, right. It's very easy to say that, isn't it.

He's trying to make you feel guilty even though he doesn't know what he's talking about.

I'm glad your baby went down so easily tonight.

I do think you should use the same technique when you put your baby down for a nap.

And don't let your baby's father interfere.

Thank you for your encouragement @TheShellBeach

It really has helped me so much

We did it at 7 months too, wanted to do it before baby could stand up and rattle the bars of the cot! First night, 10 mins whinging and crying, with going in every 2 mins to reassure (didn't pick up). Second night 4mins. Third night settled at once, and no more trouble.

It feels hard because it's wrong, tbh, you're going against your natural instincts and your baby's instincts which are there for a reason.

In years to come I think we'll (or the people who did it) will look back on Ferber and the like the way people today look back on smacking kids. Just out of step with what a caring society who looks after its most vulnerable should look like.

Oh I doubt it.
It's been going for fifty years.

Feelomh guilty is a lot less pain than your baby is going through.
All that he's learning is that his cries won't be answered.

I'm still bewildered as to why people have children only to think they can have the same life post baby. The world is overpopulated enough and mental health problems are strife. Why add to that for no actual reason? It's like buying a dog and then leaving it for weeks at a time. Why? I just don't get it.

He’s in a deep sleep now, safe and warm in his cot so I’m not sure where the comparison to abandoning a dog for weeks has come from 😂

I’m sure there are many reasons for mental health issues in children but guiding to sleep and implementing a good sleep regime is most definitely not one of them 😂

and you have no idea how long I tried for or how very loved this boy is @mnuser97427. no one is expecting the same life post baby.. but a better night sleep means better days for both of us.

and I felt guilty because his dad was judging my parental decisions despite not offering me any support or being willing to do it himself. Things that are hard to do shouldn’t be pushed away and imo a lot more kids today would benefit from having some boundaries instilled from a younger age.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it”

Hes not having a better night sleep though, he's traumatised and ignored.

Balderdash.

Good grief.

My daughter is 20 and even then the Ferber method was considered to be one of the worst (if not the worst) method for "training" babies to sleep.

And to the posters telling those against such things not to post, nobody made you the queens of Mumsnet.

How do you know?

Well, he went to sleep at 8.30 cried for a few minutes and has slept through the night. I’d call that a good sleep (he was waking every 45 minutes before we started this, was usually awake for 2 hours from 4-6) and always trying to climb on me to sleep on my chest rather than on the bed next to me.

His usual wake up time is around 7.30/8 so I’m going to have a coffee and wait for him to wake up.

I’m not trying to force this on anyone- just sharing my experiences and asking for support. For the people that don’t understand it- if it’s not for you, that’s fine. We all parent the best way we can and do what’s right for our families.

I started this thread for support, not to get into the pros and cons but it some of the comments have just been unnecessarily written to try and provoke guilt/shame. Vaccinations make babies cry. Vegetables make babies cry. Going to nursery makes babies cry. Babies sometimes cry as the grow and try new things but it doesn’t mean it’s bad for them.

Obviously it’s a polarising subject but all the people for on this post have been chilled and those against all sound a bit judgy. Just an observation.

Well done, OP.
Three nights and he's sleeping through.

I do sometimes wonder if the negative comments stem from a place of jealousy that you've solved a problem which was driving you to insanity.

I agree it's jealousy and some odd pride in martyring themselves. it's clear your baby had just had a wonderful and peaceful nights sleep. Where's the trauma in that?! Well done OP

My parents used the Ferber Method on me 30 years ago.

Why are you foaming at the mouth about a process you obviously know very little about?

Go away.

I don't see what is to be gained with negative comments but let's not pretend this is about helping the baby. They cry for comfort. Sleep training just teaches them no one is coming.

Great it is working for you, Op
however I see nothing wrong with people questioning it, it has been shown that in some children this type of sleep training can cause attachment and raised cortisol issues. Also some children may find it a lot more stressful than others. And sometimes, it simply does not work.
so negative and counter comments are useful for anyone reading this to make an informed decision not just reading an echo chamber of ‘great, yes that’s the best way to go’ responses