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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

am desperate for a full nights sleep!!!!

17 replies

mikeyjon · 20/12/2004 22:15

my ds1 is 2.5 and is still waking 3-4 times in the night. it takes over an hour to get him to sleep in the evening, we have to lie in the bed with him and he holds our hair until he goes off. sometimes we take him for a drive to get him off. during the night, whoever gets up to him has to get in his bed and ends up falling asleep in there with him.

my nine month old sleeps through the night, why doesnt ds1???? only difference between them is that ds1 was breast fed for 14 months and ds2 has had a bottle since 4 months.

any advice would be really appreciated as its really affecting mine and dhs relationship. lack of time together in the evening and practically seperate beds at the mo!!!

OP posts:

Frizbethereindeer · 20/12/2004 22:18

\link{http://www.ivillage.co.uk/print/0,,167511,00.html

\link{http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1886229.stm

Frizbethereindeer · 20/12/2004 22:19

why don't my links work! help someone good! just thought these may help? although there are thousands of great links hiding in the sleep thread, as loads of people going through what you are, so don't worry, mumsnet will help you get it sorted, in the meantime hugs and bump until someone more helpful and technical comes along!

Fran1 · 20/12/2004 22:27

Absolutely no advice, but soooo glad to hear i'm not alone.

DP has just relieved me for a quick break as i was going insane in there.

DD is two next month and sounds exactly the same as yours, she too was bf until very recently and i do think that has a lot to do with why we have never had successful bedtimes.

I am getting to the end of my tether with it, up until a few weeks ago, we would spend about an hour getting her off to sleep and then around midnight she would come and get in our bed - fine at least my sleep wasn't disturbed. But recently she wakes every hour or two, as soon as she realises we have left the room.

I feel like i have read all the advice i can, but there is just nothing i can do to teach her to go to sleep alone. Cannot leave her to cry, cos she just gets out of bed the split second i leave the room, and i have spent up to an hour repeatedly putting her back and she just gets worse and worse.
I can't go downstairs, cos she would climb over the stair gate, so i have no choice but to sit in there and creep out eventually - knowing that she will be waking again soon!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to go on, just this minute been through it all then, and what a relief to see someone in same situation.

BTW have bedtime started at 8.30 tonight.

mears · 20/12/2004 22:53

firstlink

mears · 20/12/2004 22:54

\link{http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1886229.stm \secondlink}

mears · 20/12/2004 22:54

secondlink

marzipan · 20/12/2004 22:56

No consellation but I have not had a proper nights sleep in about 9 years - always wake up at crazy hours and am awake for 2-3 hours. Have tried all the remedies but I think I just have an overactive mind and can't switch off from day to day things

Original poster

mikeyjon · 20/12/2004 23:13

fran1 - we could have alternative nights with the kids and then at least we could take turns in sleeping you first.......

do you think that the breast feeding makes a difference? ds2 sleeps like an angel, he has been bottle fed for the last 5 months

i feel like i'm going mad!!!!!!!

thanks for the links mears, am going to read and print them off now.

also, what do you think of cc? is it cruel? and is 2.5 to old to do it anyway? (like fran1, if he's left upstairs he just gets up afgain and shakes the stairgate v.loudly which wakes the baby up)

OP posts:

aloha · 20/12/2004 23:28

I feel absolutely certain that breastfeeding over a year ago has nothing to do with your son's sleeping now.
On Little Angels, what she does is well before bedtime, the mother discusses with the child that things will be different from now on and either tells the child that in the morning, if the child sleeps all night in their bed, that they will have a present, or gives them a new toy to take to bed that has to go to sleep and 'you must be careful not to wake them up' - it's usually the former - ie gift as reward for sleeping in own bed. There's a relaxed bedtime routine, then every single time the child wakes and gets up, the parent just takes them back into the bedroom and puts them into bed. If they like the door open, they are told that the door will only be open if they stay in bed, otherwise it is closed until they get back in. This can go on for a long, long time, with lots of crying, but eventually the child stays in bed. the next morning, they get a present and the promise of another one if they do it again. The psychologist warns that it may be quite harrowing and take several nights, but it always works in the end. It HAS to be worth it - I don't know how you cope. If the child is sleeping OK at night but demands and adult to stay in bed with them until they sleep, the Little Angels alternative to getting into bed with the child is to sit on the bed, then sit next to the bed, then sit in the room, then by the door, and then (all on consecutive nights) outside the door, and then they are falling asleep alone. I think Little Angels is FAB.

Original poster

mikeyjon · 20/12/2004 23:32

im such a wuss - i cant cope with crying! put it does have to be done as its driving me up the wall!!!

another difference between ds1 and ds2 is that ds1 slept in our bed until he was 18 months - just before ds2 came along. ds2 has always been in the cot and hates being fussed when he's tierd.

poor negleted second child, a bottle, a dummy and a cot

OP posts:

aloha · 20/12/2004 23:38

On Little Angels she always points out that it is cross crying, not sad crying - after all, you are there, your child is not alone. You are aren't hurting them, they aren't afraid, they are only being put in bed, not boiled in oil so they are just angry about not getting their own way. Would these thoughts help at all?

sallyhollyberry · 20/12/2004 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

80sMum · 20/12/2004 23:57

OMG, sleepless nights! I'll never forget them; how I would have sold my soul for a full night's sleep! We had similar problem with ds and I was determined it wouldn't be the same with dd so we were much firmer and more resolute from the word go, making it clearer what we expected of her.
The thing is, you have to be persistent. Decide what you want from the child (ie you want them to go to sleep on their own in their own bed and not wake you up all through the night) and set about devising steps to get you there.
Don't give up. The thing with behaviour modification is that you must persist and be consistent with your own behaviour and treatment of the child.
The first few nights will be much worse than usual. Try thinking like a child - you want something (in this case you want mummy to stay with you in your bed while you drop off to sleep) and you've always got what you wanted by crying if she went away before you fell asleep. So, when she tries to train you to sleep alone and she goes away before you fall asleep, what do you do? You do what has worked for you before; you cry. This time, mummy comes back right back right away to comfort you but then goes away again, so what do you do? You do more of what has always worked before; you cry louder and longer! Next night, You still don't get what you want so now you're getting really angry and you cry loud, long and hard. Mummy keeps coming in to comfort you, but she won't stay. How dare she! You cry some more. You scream a bit. That'll show her! Next night same again, only this time you may be a bit too tired to be quite so angry, so you settle a bit sooner (only 10 past midnight!). Next night, you realise mummy means business and you cry a bit more, because it feels so strange without mummy there, but you know she's not far away and you're not convinced your screaming is going to work so you suck hard on your dummy/thumb and eventually settle down.
A week or two later and you've cracked it.
Good luck!! I do hope it works for you.

Fran1 · 21/12/2004 13:18

I can put up with the crying, but she can open her bedroom door, and she will kick and tantrum after an hour of repeatedly putting her back in her bed, to the point i cannot physicallly restrain her without causing harm.

I love little angels too, but never works for me!!!

aloha · 21/12/2004 18:52

Do you do the shutting the door thing? That way you don't have to physically restrain her...
Sounds tough though. My ds put us through hell for 8months, but now sleeps really well so I sympathise.

aloha · 21/12/2004 18:54

& have you offered a present for staying in bed?

Fran1 · 22/12/2004 16:30

Yes, but she can open the door, and if i hold it shut she gets terrifed, screams and bangs her head against the door.

And yes i have offered present to her, just for going off to sleep on her own (not even expecting her to stay there all night). But we have not yet ever had a positive move to give a present for.

I think she is a little too young to remember 12 hours later why i am giving her a present anyway, she'll be 2 in Jan.
I'm hoping that in another six months maybe the present idea will work!!

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