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Original poster

1 week old not settling

26 replies

HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 07:35

Hi all,

Hoping for some advice as my 1 week old baby girl is just not settling at night. She gets herself so worked up it’s heartbreaking. She will go down OK but when she wakes for her first bottle in the night she just won’t settle back down. She is in a next to me crib. Since she was born she has been trying to suck her hands but gets upset when she pulls them away, so I introduced a dummy. But now she will either suck it for a (very) short while then when it falls out she will scream for it to be put back in, but now is not taking it when I’m trying to put it back in and then screaming even more. I’m absolutely exhausted and so emotional, I just want her to be comfortable and happy but I also need a good nights sleep. My partner has been great but he also had to go back to work when she was 2 days old as he’s self-employed and had 6 weeks off recently for an operation, so I’m trying not to rely on him too much in the night.

Any advice would be great.

Thanks x

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MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/06/2023 07:38

Saying this kindly, but she’s a week old. She is not going to sleep for long periods for quite a while. Does she need more milk? Has she been winded enough? Has she got reflux/colic? Is she clean? Too warm? Too cold? Need a cuddle? Don’t leave her to cry it out, that won’t help.

Hugasauras · 15/06/2023 07:40

It's quite common to have days and nights the wrong way round at this stage. It's easier to stop thinking about night = sleep in these early weeks and think more about your life in 3-hour chunks. If baby settles in day between bottles then use that time to sleep whenever you can. Babies are often wakeful and unsettled overnight and want to be held. You can also do shifts with your partner - if you go to bed at say 8pm and then he comes to bed at midnight and hands baby care over then you've had a four-hour chunk before any night waking begins.

Greenfree · 15/06/2023 07:41

Could she have wind? It's been really hot recently too so she could be struggling to cool down - I think I read somewhere that they can't regulate there body temp at that age

Original poster
HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 07:44

No I absolutely understand what you mean, I don’t expect her to sleep all night but the way she is getting herself worked up is just awful. I think the issue is to do with that she wants to suck on something to settle but can’t keep the dummy or hand in her mouth. Then she won’t accept the dummy when she’s worked up. She has been a bit colicky but I introduced colief quite quickly as my son was same and it made a difference in that she doesn’t seem in pain anymore, to me it seems like she’s overtired. It’s just so hard not knowing and not being able to console her.

OP posts:
00100001 · 15/06/2023 07:47

Cuddles, cuddles and more cuddles. Let her fall asleep on you.

If she's sucking her hands she's probably hungry. Are you feeding on demand?

Original poster
HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 07:47

Hugasauras · 15/06/2023 07:40

It's quite common to have days and nights the wrong way round at this stage. It's easier to stop thinking about night = sleep in these early weeks and think more about your life in 3-hour chunks. If baby settles in day between bottles then use that time to sleep whenever you can. Babies are often wakeful and unsettled overnight and want to be held. You can also do shifts with your partner - if you go to bed at say 8pm and then he comes to bed at midnight and hands baby care over then you've had a four-hour chunk before any night waking begins.

Thank you. That’s a good way to look at it. I’m going to try and sleep more in the day, I’ve been sleeping for an hour or two in the morning then trying to get bits done for the rest of the day which probably hasn’t helped. I had a c section so I’m also sore which isn’t helping with the emotional side of things!

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 15/06/2023 07:48

Random suggestion but could you offer her to it breast as a comfort to settle her down? As your ff there will be none of the other pressures around breastfeeding, but it might be a useful tool just for the early days?

Original poster
HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 07:48

00100001 · 15/06/2023 07:47

Cuddles, cuddles and more cuddles. Let her fall asleep on you.

If she's sucking her hands she's probably hungry. Are you feeding on demand?

Thank you. This is something I was worried about. I didn’t want to make a rod for my own back by always cuddling her, but there is so much conflicting advice on it that it’s hard to know what to do. Is it easy to get out of the habit once it’s started?

OP posts:
RequiresUpdating · 15/06/2023 07:49

First off: this is normal and you are not doing anything wrong! I wish someone had told me that.

But now she will either suck it for a (very) short while then when it falls out she will scream for it to be put back in, This is also, unfortunately, very normal.

I used to "sleep" with my hand through the bars of the cot so that DC felt someone was there.

Original poster
HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 07:51

00100001 · 15/06/2023 07:47

Cuddles, cuddles and more cuddles. Let her fall asleep on you.

If she's sucking her hands she's probably hungry. Are you feeding on demand?

Re feeding, she tends to want 3oz every 3 hours. Which everybody has been telling me is a lot for a baby her age. So again it’s so hard to know what is best! Perhaps she wants more in the night.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 15/06/2023 08:24

I wouldn't wait for baby to wake up but give them a sleepy feed at X hour (before they would likely wake up). Hopefully baby will feed then gently drop back off and with full tummy sleep longer.
My first did well with this but my second was very difficult to get down as she had reflux. But perseverance is key. Her digestive system settled down and at three months she was going down and sleeping well.
Frankly I would not let baby sleep on you or feed to sleep. And when baby does wake up to not turn on the light or start walking around - just feed, cuddle and back down. If fussing and a stroke and soothing voice doesn't work then of course pick the baby up for a cuddle, but try and put back down while still awake so baby learns to settle themselves. Repeat repeat repeat.

SkyandSurf · 15/06/2023 08:36

It's rough.

I think you need to adjust your expectations around a 'good nights sleep' though. Unless your partner is going to do some night feeds it's going to be a long time before that's a realistic expectation.

Even if your partner needs to work, you can divide up the night for example,

He's on call from 8pm until 12am (you get some early hours of sleep)

Then you're on call from 12am until 6am (he gets a solid 6 hours at least)

And then he's on call from 6am until he leaves for work.

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself one week out.

Pollywoddles · 15/06/2023 09:55

HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 07:48

Thank you. This is something I was worried about. I didn’t want to make a rod for my own back by always cuddling her, but there is so much conflicting advice on it that it’s hard to know what to do. Is it easy to get out of the habit once it’s started?

Show quote history

With all due respect, she’s a week old, she’s known nothing else but contact with you. Cuddle your child and read about the 4th trimester.

00100001 · 15/06/2023 10:56

HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 07:51

Re feeding, she tends to want 3oz every 3 hours. Which everybody has been telling me is a lot for a baby her age. So again it’s so hard to know what is best! Perhaps she wants more in the night.

Show quote history

Let her feed when she wants, as much as she wants, when she wants - don't get her to finish a bottle etc - she hasn't read the books, nor is she the same as any body else's baby. Plus if you were BFing you'd have absolutely no idea about how much she was taking!

She's just brand new - all she needs is YOU and milk.

You won't make a rod for you back by having her fall asleep on you... how many 8 years old do you know that sleep on their mum?? ;) In fact you'll be giving her the reassurance and familiarity she needs!

00100001 · 15/06/2023 10:57

HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 07:48

Thank you. This is something I was worried about. I didn’t want to make a rod for my own back by always cuddling her, but there is so much conflicting advice on it that it’s hard to know what to do. Is it easy to get out of the habit once it’s started?

Show quote history

You AN'T give a baby too many cuddles. IMPOSSIBLE!!

ElmTree22 · 15/06/2023 11:29

You can not give too many cuddles to a newborn baby. She's fresh out of the womb and probably wanting the comfort of you being there.
You won't make a rod for your own back. My dd was very upset when put down in the beginning, me and dh would try and out her down and she would wake within 10 minutes and scream. We used to sleep with her on us for hours on end while we were awake watching stupid stuff on our phones to keep us awake. After a few weeks we kept trying and eventually she was able to go down asleep in the next to me, and then after another few weeks she would go down awake and I could shush her to sleep, by 12 weeks she was putting herself to sleep after I left the room. You won't reach her bad habits, it's a gradual process, you have to just persevere in the beginning. Dd was also very very colicky, 6-10 hours of non stop screaming every night until 10 weeks. So we couldn't really expect her to settle on her own, but after the 10 weeks she really got the hang of it!

Original poster
HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 11:53

Pollywoddles · 15/06/2023 09:55

With all due respect, she’s a week old, she’s known nothing else but contact with you. Cuddle your child and read about the 4th trimester.

Show quote history

I wasn’t saying I don’t cuddle her, it was more I was worried about always cuddling her to sleep or whilst she’s asleep that I thought might make matters worse down the line. I will always cuddle her if she’s upset.

OP posts:
00100001 · 15/06/2023 12:56

HopingForBaby2 · 15/06/2023 11:53

I wasn’t saying I don’t cuddle her, it was more I was worried about always cuddling her to sleep or whilst she’s asleep that I thought might make matters worse down the line. I will always cuddle her if she’s upset.

Show quote history

Cuddle her to sleep, you won't regret it. And your baby needs you xxx

SweetAndSourChick3n · 15/06/2023 12:59

She's only a week old! Let her sleep on you, take turns with your partner to cuddle her while the other one sleeps. If she's sucking her hands she's probably hungry.

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 16/06/2023 06:58

In the 4th trimester (first few months) they cannot build sleep habits good or bad, they don't even have the normal sleep hormone cycles. All they know is you and contact with you. It's normal for newborns to eat v v frequently (up to every 45 min), go from wake to sleep a lot (sleep windows as short as 45min), to need contact or food to sleep or soothe.

Advice about building a rod, or about not letting them sleep on you etc is therefore bad advice.

The only things you can do ATM to start to build sleep is to encourage hormone formation for night and day - so curtains open, normal house noise, outside time during day and quiet, dark, hushed voice at night.

As for survival - like others here my DH is doing a "shift" 8-1am and I do 1 am onwards. Our wee one is 5wks and I am just in the last week getting some sleep from 1am onwards as she gets used to her next to me crib but she has been gassy this morning so hasn't been able to settle in it since 430am. So we cuddle!

Regarding eating - if she isn't sicking it back up, she can cope with that amount of food.

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 16/06/2023 07:04

Oh, also, they need to learn how to hold a dummy in and can't do it at first. Takes time.

If you are afraid you may fall asleep with her /holding her please please read up on safe bed sharing - 70-80% of parents will do it at some pt, much better to know how to do it safely

Wisenotboring · 16/06/2023 07:13

Completely normal. At this age if they want cuddles, you just need to cuddle them. My eldest was a few months before it would settle anywhere that wasn't on me. It was exhausting. It ended though and he is a strapping teenager now who has always been.a great sleeper.

ImpromptuGathering · 16/06/2023 07:15

Try to imagine you are a cave dweller in Neolithic times.

What would happen to a newborn baby who would sleep soundly when put down in a little nestthe other humans in the cave? Yep, they'd be eaten by a passing lion or carried off by an eagle before you could say "Jack Robinson".

Babies have an inbuilt need to be with a protective adult, it helps them feel safe. Think of yourself as her anchor. You and she, and her dad and siblings, will spend her childhood building her into a sturdy boat that can handle stormy seas. But right now, she's just a single piece of wood and she needs to be kept safe with you until her boat begins to take shape.

ImpromptuGathering · 16/06/2023 07:18

*little nest away from the other humans in the cave

emnoneya · 16/06/2023 07:19

When my DD was that little she struggled in her next2me for the first few nights and I had her sleep on my chest. I think the world was just a bit big and scary and she needed some extra comfort. She woke up every now and then but went straight back to sleep when she realised she was on me.

Don't forget she's still very very little and still getting used to the world outside of mommys tummy. She might just need you to help her feel safe.
Cuddle her as much as she needs you to, you can't make any bad habits at this age.

Congratulations 💐