Ferber method?

[Strugglingmum2023]

Hi all. Please can those who have tried the Ferber method or any sleep training advice if it worked for them? My 6m old is contact napping during the day, does not sleep in his cot and wakes up hourly at night. He is fed to sleep at night and practically is on the boob all night. Please before judging I just want to hear people’s experience with sleep training. I am not sure if I will do it, I just want to see if anyone else has been in my position and or has any good experiences with this. My DS does not sleep in the cot during the day, mostly in my bed at night, does not sleep in the pushchair, or like the pushchair, does not sleep or like the car seat. I do not go anywhere, I am a first time mum and really starting to struggle.

Thank you.

First night it took an hour going back in first after a minute then left it 2 minutes up until 5 minutes didnnt leave him longer than this. Second night he was asleep within 15 minutes third night the same and since then he just goes down. Odd night I’ve had to go in once but that’s it. He’s done really well. Same for naps he just got used to his cot now and settling himself

That is so good. We have just done night 5 and she grizzled for an hour! Finally got upset towards 8.30pm so DH went in and got her down.

I think she might be one of the un-trainable babies - last night she woke more often than usual (2am, 4am, 5am and finally up at 6.30am). Wtf! Trying to adjust and shorten her day nap times now to see if that makes any difference like the sleep consultants always say…

That is tough, if she hasn’t cracked it by now I would leave it for a bit and go back to what works. We tried a couple of months ago and he was still hysterical everytime we put him down 5 days in so we stopped and went back to feeding to sleep or cuddling. Was tough cos needed a break but wasn’t working but tried again this time and it’s worked so I think they also need to be ready. If she’s still upset after 5 days then she may just not be there yet, follow her lead even though it’s hard all kids have different sensitivity levels. How long do you leave her crying for?

Thanks @Glitterstars . We wait til the grumbling/grizzling turns upset and give it three mins, then intervals of five from there.

A friend just told me it can take ten days according to her sleep consultant and said to keep going. Argh so hard to know what to do when you are desperate for things to change (and we have got to breaking point many times before and talked ourselves out of it!)

I was like that for 14 months and was a bit against to sleep training but God l wish l did it earlier for sake of my son and myself. I am a human again!

Jumping on this post and apologies if it’s been asked already - those who have successfully used Ferber, how long did it take for naps to fall into place?
on the advice of another couple of users we are doing fewer check-ins for naps as they seem to make things worse, but baby is still crying significantly at the start of nap time. He’s usually asleep within 4-5 mins so I don’t think that he’s over or under tired, but as soon as he sees his sleep sack he starts crying on protest. Looking for some reassurance really that this won’t always be the case as it’s really getting to me…

Took about 5 days for the naps to fall into place

Hi mums. I have 6mo twins and I am on the fence about sleep training. They currently need motion (being rocked or in car/buggy) to fall asleep and I have started co sleeping because I am tired of rocking them back to sleep every 1or2 hours at night. DH wants to do the ferber method but I am scared to try it. I don’t understand why I need to endure the torture that is listening to my babies cry in order to get them to sleep in their cots. It doesn’t make any sense to me, I keep thinking there must be a non-crying way to get them to sleep and stay asleep. I have been reading positive ferber method stories on here but I have been taken away by the anti-sleep training camp online and can’t get the attachment parenting narrative out of my head. Being a mum for the first time already comes with a lot of guilt and anxiety, the controversy around sleep training is something I really cannot handle. But we are beyond breaking point. Co sleeping is not practical for any future babysitters, it’s putting a strain on our marriage and the lack of routine we’re in every day is hell. I can’t get them to nap consistently on a schedule no matter what I try, it is just chaos. We have the same bedtime routine and get up at 7 every day but everything else is random. I know the only way I will ever get any order in our home is sleep training. I get the feeling loads of mums were nervous before they sleep trained their little ones. How did you overcome that fear? I want to go into it calmly and with confidence. Please can anyone help me climb onboard the sleep training (ferber) my twins ship?

Yes did it with both mine worked so well and soon as we're sleeping through took 3 nights for first and about a week for 2nd they were so much happier in the day and their development rocketed

@Reddeadsleepdeprivation Honestly, the best thing I’ve done for my children. My youngest sleeps 7-7 and one 2.5 hour nap in the cot and it means I have uninterrupted 1-2-1 time with my 4yo whilst my 1 year old naps. It’s been the kindest thing we’ve done for our whole family. We are all so much more rested, happier and more energy to do activities together x

Hi @Reddeadsleepdeprivation
ive just done it with my 2nd baby, bang on 6 months. Best thing I could have done for him. Like yours he needed to be rocked. The rocking wasn’t bothering me too much, but I knew in the coming months it would and IMHO sleep training gets harder for both mother and baby the longer you leave it (eg my baby has just started reaching up when he wants to be picked up, if he did that while sleep training it would have been unbearable). He cried for 20 mins first night, 8 minutes the next and by the 3rd night he was asleep by the time i switched the monitor on. First night wasn’t fun but I just kept busy by sorting washing out!

its not just about mum and dad getting a goodnight sleep but baby too. If they’re relying on something else to aid them to sleep they will struggle as time goes on.

and no, my baby didn’t hate me the next day - he is the happiest smokiest thing I’ve ever known

There are other methods of sleep training that may suit you and your babies better. We did a combination of pick up put down and responsive settling which was somewhat successful. We're still getting one wake up around 4am and dd is 16 months now, but i think it did help as we were co sleeping and resetlling every 1-2 hours. She's now in her own room and can self settle. I can recommend Lucy Wolfe 'baby sleep solution' for very gentle sleep training, or Rowena Bennet 'your sleepless baby' is a bit more along the responsive settling lines.

Thanks for your reply. That’s so good to hear and I’m so pleased for you and your family. I hope you don’t mind my asking, did you follow the Ferber method to the T or adapt it slightly? And how did you know your kids were ready? I’m not sure mine are ready for it, but maybe I’m projecting.

@MooMaa83 thank you so much I will look into both. I am not 100% sold on Ferber.

@Nearlyamumoftwo thanks for your reply. Pleased it worked for you guys. I want it to work for us, I know it will do wonders. But, 20 minutes the first night sounds okay! I am expecting my two to protest for hours.

Hi@Reddeadsleepdeprivation I take my hat off
to you! Do they wake eachother up constantly with crying? Ferber isn’t everyones cup of tea but I wanted my baby to be able to fall asleep and sleep through the night. Before sleep training, its not just us we have to feel sorry for if we can’t sleep - they aren’t sleeping either 😃 good luck with two!

This makes my heart hurt, they stop crying because they learn you're not coming back to help them & they're too exhausted to cry any longer. What's worse is you keep coming back every few minutes, basically teasing them, they're relieved you've come to make them feel better, only to not even pick them up & then do it all over again until they're too exhausted. 6 months is tiny, all baby wants is their mama. Hang in there, it's not forever. But for now, don't leave them to cry on their own