Ferber method?

[Strugglingmum2023]

Hi all. Please can those who have tried the Ferber method or any sleep training advice if it worked for them? My 6m old is contact napping during the day, does not sleep in his cot and wakes up hourly at night. He is fed to sleep at night and practically is on the boob all night. Please before judging I just want to hear people’s experience with sleep training. I am not sure if I will do it, I just want to see if anyone else has been in my position and or has any good experiences with this. My DS does not sleep in the cot during the day, mostly in my bed at night, does not sleep in the pushchair, or like the pushchair, does not sleep or like the car seat. I do not go anywhere, I am a first time mum and really starting to struggle.

Thank you.

ps. Hey @GlitteryGreen - I just re-read my message, sorry if it was completely and utterly unhelpful - I can see you've said you've tried everything to get her in the cot. Babies are so different and I know what works for one definitely does not work for another. I'm sorry it's so tough right now and hoping you have some luck soon!

Sorry if this is stating the bleedin' obvious....but have you thought about having the cot sidecar to the bed? That way she may be less disturbed in her own sleep space, but still close enough to you for comfort and easy feeds?

Hey all, any updates? We still haven’t gone for it. In own room, feeding to sleep, won’t self settle unless it’s extremely random, maybe 5% of time. Resists sleep like crazy. But still not eating solids properly (at 7.5 months!) so have been reluctant to start. Did you end up reading the book @MooMaa83 ?

@k80pie I shared my CC experiences upthread and my nearly 7 month old is still sleeping through - 7pm until 6.30am. Honestly, it’s a game changer and baby is feeding and eating so much better in the day as he’s rested and not reverse cycling and much happier as a result. Goes to bed now smiling and self settles for night and all naps in his cot within a few mins xxx

Oh gosh, thank you for this @poppet131 - that is amazing. Motivates me to get onto it.
Did you read the Ferber book first? And I’m guessing at 6m he was still not eating much so maybe I don’t need to wait for that. Any other tips before we start?! Did you pick up from cot?

@k80pie We sought the help from a sleep consultant as I was extremely anxious about sleep training but we essentially went in at intervals (4,6,8,10 mins and then 10 mins thereafter). We had a line that we’d say ‘it’s time for sleep, I love you’ every time we went into resssure and we didn’t pick him up, just stroked his head. He was 5.5 months when we sleep trained so he wasn’t on solids at that point. I was at breaking point and it really did save me. Feel free to PM me with any questions! Xx

@k80pie I've dipped in and out, it's an interesting read I would recommend. We haven't gone for it either as DD is mostly self settling now so it doesn't feel relevant! She still wakes 2-3 times a night for a quick feed...it somehow doesn't feel right to do ferber at the overnight wakes yet. I think in a month or so we'll look into night weaning, hopefully that will improve things. Fingers crossed things improve for you soon x

Morning all - how is everyone getting on?

Last night I promised my OH we’d try a week of Ferber.

Tell me how you are all getting on 😘

Gosh, we did Ferber over 2 months ago. Still sleeping 7.00-6.45am with a 30 min morning nap and a 2-2.5hr afternoon nap. We flex timings when we’re out and about or visiting people but we know that a few days out of his usual routine doesn’t impact his night sleep. It’s amazing!

Wish I could do this but cannot bear to hear him cry. Attempted it a few weeks ago and it’s too much. Leaving him for 1 minute 2 minute crying is fine but when I got past that he was in such a state. Was awful. Just think I’m not ready and have t reached that point where I need to. I did it with my 1st but I really struggled with the sleep deprivation that time round and she took to it really well where she would whinge but my little boy literally screams it’s just too much

Hi all, I keep deciding on Ferber then delaying it but I will probably have to try in few weeks time. We're currently away staying with my family and my baby is constantly teething (7.5mo)so waiting to go back to normal.He is still breastfed, started solids but still small amounts. He had an ok phase where he would go to bed at about 7-8pm and wouldn't wake up until later in the night- i dreamfed him at about 23h. But he keeps waking up at 4 or 5 and I feed him to sleep as I have no other choice and he really eats a lot then too. Doesn't sleep later than 6. Day naps have always been 45min tops. I really struggle listening him cry, especially if he gets super upset and his cries get even worse

Any advice how to prepare? Just online reading or read a book?

@Glitterstars @Srx1 To be honest, I was at breaking point and the night before we started, he was crying hard for 5-6 hours on end anyway so we actually felt he cried far less with sleep training. It’s such a short period of time (3-4 days) and the sanity and freedom it has given us as a family is totally worth it. There are more gentle methods too like pick up and put down and gradual retreat? I can’t recommend a sleep consultant enough - best money we have ever spent x

I’m not against it at all I know the benefits I just wish I was at breaking point cos would make it easier but I am conscious that I am
back to work soon and I won’t be here for every bedtime and also him settled at nursery for naps so he does need to learn but I can’t explain how bad it makes me feel when he cries. I have suffered with PND which I think is one of the reasons why I find the crying hard. He is very clingy.

My DD still self settles no problem and has lovely long naps....we did an adapted version of ferber with shorter timings and picking up to soothe (Dr Ferber would not approve!). I really do recommend the book if you're planning on doing it. However....we're still on multiple nights wakings and fed back to sleep (11pm, 2am, 4.30am, awake for day 6.30). I haven't got it in me to do Ferber overnight, but have been trying some gentle night weaning. Unfortunately self settling has not been the magic bullet for us! @Glitterstars could you just stick with 1-2mins of crying then go in and soothe. I certainly didn't stick to the Ferber timings but as long as you're consistent I think it does help. Despite the night wakes it has been lovely just popping her in the cot and having an evening back, and also time for my other child. X

We do get an evening as I get him to sleep cuddling and put him down but then he tends to wake at 11 12ish then stays with me as won’t go back in cot

Can I join? DS has just turned six months, taken to solids like a duck to water – he’s huge and hungry and shovels food in faster than I can dole it out, and at least one night waking is hunger, an actual breastfeed. The other 500 wakings he comfort sucks back to sleep in seconds which is lovely for him, less lovely for me. And builds up a tremendous amount of wind, so by 4am he’s waking half-hourly or more thrashing himself awake farting. When he does do a longer stretch (90 minutes is long…) he can do so in the side cot and he doesn’t kick off if put down awake there (he doesn’t go to sleep either, mind), so I’m sure he can do it.

We’re meant to be working with a sleep consultant next week but she’s been quite flakey with communication and following through on what was promised for the eye watering price, so I’m trying to come up with a back-up plan as DP is off work for the week and we’ve cleared weekends (have an older DC) for the next couple of weeks to nail nights and cot naps.

@bussteward have you thought about trying him in his own room? This was a bit of a turning point for us, as I think we were disturbing each other and I was actually waking up DD. Obvious stuff but have you tried a dummy, rocking to sleep instead of comfort feeding (dh may have more success with this). Gripe water before bed also helped my dd with wind. If in the UK have you tried talking through with your HV? I found ours quite helpful. My DD still wakes 2 or 3 times per night so we've not cracked it by any means...but sooooo much better than it was!

@MooMaa83 He wakes up often even before I go to bed! He definitely sleeps better when DP isn’t there (snoring), but often enough that his own room is out of the question til he does longer chunks: I’m only surviving because I don’t have to get up. I’ve never met a useful HV I’m afraid, he won’t accept me rocking/cuddling but he will from DP (that’s the night weaning plan if sleep consultancy or Ferber don’t work), and I’d rather not try a dummy as it’s just another thing to have to redo endlessly, pushing a problem down the line, etc. He’ll go into his own room for training but will try gripe water too – I’ve resisted stuff like that as I spent so long trying to find the holy grail with my older DC and nothing worked.

It’s so interesting how every baby is so different.

We’ve been trying Ferber this week and it’s just not for us. She screams. I could handle it if it as like - a grumbly cry but she hysterical. DH mentioned it sounded like she was scared 😟

So back to the drawing board. Ironically she sleeps quite well. Does really wake just hunts for my nipple and then comfort sucks. I just would like a bit of an evening and not to bed at 7:30pm. It’s tough isn’t it.

I was thinking of settling in our bed and then building g her a fort to see if she’s sleep on her own until we were ready for bed ourselves but I don’t think my anxiety would take it plus she have to agree to be asleep on her own.

I just don’t know…

Happy Saturday all xxx

We had the same I wouldn’t mind if he was just whinging a bit or a little bit of a cry but he is full on screaming and it’s just awful. I did it with my 1st so I’m not a softie really but he gets soo upset and I’m a state it’s just not right for us this time

Hey everyone, we did the first night last night. Sigh. Hard. Took 50mins - she kept on quietening down and babbling, so we paused the timer, but then she would cry again. Went in in 5min intervals while crying.
She slept til 5am though - then a feed and back to sleep til 7am.

Not sure exactly why I’m posting but maybe just need a bit of encouragement! We got to breaking point…our older DS was unwell a few nights ago and we had to attend to him a lot - but she was just as much work! For no particular reason. Our backs are killing us and we are tired and struggling to keep our spirits up. So something had to happen. Still feel conflicted about it though.

I should say - like @wishIwasonaBeach and @Glitterstars - there was some screaming, and it made it pretty hard to keep our resolve.

Well our progress from my last post is we have done it as reached breaking point…. Gone well so far been about 2 weeks and everything is sooo much better. Feel like a better mum just cos I have time for my elder child and baby is sleeping so well. We sometimes still have a feed about 3 but last night he slept all the way through and no crying before bed. And he goes down for his naps in his cot with no problem either x

@k80pie I think when you're at breaking point you have to consider the needs of the whole family and do it! Sending a hand hold though, as I'm sure it's not easy. We haven't gone down that route yet...purely because we're hanging in there as our little one wakes usually twice a night....although I'm tired it is manageable. When she's a year old I plan to night wean and hope that may help. Sending hugs and keep us updated. ..I hope you've got through the worst and it gets easier here on out 💐

Thank you @Glitterstars - glad it’s better for you now! Can I ask how many nights it took?

and thanks @MooMaa83 :) A hand hold helps for sure. Definitely feel it will be better for whole family - night 3 just done, less checkins needed than first night…going down more easily for morning nap (afternoon nap a different story, so back to feeding for that one!)