Newborn sleeping arrangements

[smiles39]

Pregnant with my first and undecided on sleeping arrangements for first 6 months with baby.

Option 1: Next to you cot in our bedroom for first six months then transition into nursery room and cot.

Option 2: In own nursery in cot from beginning with a single bed in the nursery for one of us to sleep in for first 6 months.

What are the pros and cons from your experience with the above options? Or any other options you can recommend?

I think I am more likely to try the separate rooms from the beginning as OH has full on job as a teacher and two of his own kids (5 and 8) full time to look after. I don’t like the idea of sleeping apart from OH for 6 months, but if there’s a chance that one of us can have a more decent nights sleep whilst the other is ‘on shift’ with the baby then I think in our family situation it will benefit everyone on the whole.

All of this is me assuming a lot of things, never done this before so I have no idea if I’m worrying about the wrong things or whatever. Any advice please.

Double bed on the floor in the nursery is the answer

I thought about doing option 2 for OH's sake but in the end we just want with option 1 and that has been great. If he did ever wake up whilst I was changing and feeding baby, he quickly went back off to sleep. He never felt tired in the mornings.
As PP said, I'd you are going with option 2, make sure it's a double. Our baby did not take to the Next2Me straight away so we had to co-sleep (something i never wanted or intended to do but baby decided).

This is what I did:

Baby in the bed next to me, not between me and DH.
I didn't have a pillow or any loose clothing. Slept in a sweatshirt, pulled up, for about a year. Did wash it occasionally 😏 but wasn't using any soaps, detergents, scents of deodorants. Wasn't smelly! Baby had a cosy sleep suit and small eiderdown, wasn't under my covers.
Bed against wall, all gaps plugged, nowhere for her to roll or slip.
Didn't drink. Didn't take drugs.
Baby had 24/7 access to the breast.

I can't advise you, but that's what worked for me. We all got some sleep, baby seemed happy. What I noticed was, no matter what you plan beforehand, or how hard you think it through, everything changes when the baby arrives.

That's so true @StopStartStop as I said, we never planned to co-sleep, but that's what has worked for us. Same as you, baby is next to me, not in between us. This is my first so I wasn't happily planning that baby would sleep in his next2me from birth. Of course, most newborns want that constant contact with mum.. I soon learnt! The only way we'd all get some sleep was to co-sleep safely. He's 4 months now and he'll sleep in his Next2Me but also sometimes in our bed still. It's a slow process. I am anxious about the transition to his cot in his room. Luckily we have a spare double mattress so think I'm going to take that in there!

Was not wasn't*!

With both of my babies I've ended up with the big cot next to the bed with the side off. Tried cribs and next to me cots but they just wanted to be nearer to me 😂. Co-sleeping is great but means you are woken a lot and have the worry of rolling etc. I started off Co-sleeping and then gradually rolled them onto the cot mattress (which is right next to me and level with the bed mattress ifyswim). I can then sleep better as they are on a separate mattress which is safer and means I can move around without disturbing. OH sometimes sleeps with us or sometimes slopes off to the spare room. I'd rather he got sleep as otherwise he is grumpy insufferable. I plan to have a single mattress/bed in the nursery once I move baby in there (no room for a double).

Thanks for all your responses, very useful. I know I’m a bit of an over thinker and everything could change when baby is here. But if I need to go out and buy a next to you cot then I wanted to consider if I’d actually use it first.

I’m a very deep sleeper so although I don’t smoke or do drugs and could stay away from drinking I don’t feel comfortable with the co-sleeping arrangement.

Do you really think it's 6 months the naivety of new parents. Have baby sleep in your room, next to me or co sleep for better sleep. Dd1 was 2.5 when she finally would sleep in her bed all night, dd2 was 7, that's 7 years

The great thing about cosleeping if breast feeding is by about 5 months they could latch on without me really waking, it was great

We have a bed in the nursery as the master bedroom wouldn’t fit a crib or next to me. And this way one of us can get uninterrupted sleep when the other is on duty. Or that was the idea.

In reality though the cot we have for him is currently a storage unit! We split the night into shifts to stay up with the baby so he can sleep being held as that’s the only way he sleeps. So wherever the adult bed was, one of us would still get uninterrupted sleep since the baby isn’t in that room anyway!

DS slept in the next to me crib for seven months with me and DH in the spare room. This was at least partly because DH snores. I used to go to bed with DS at around half eight as that was my longest block of sleep.

It was fine. DH was WFH and so would get up with (or rather, have DS foisted on him) at 6 so I got a couple of hours peace.

Co sleeping is always pushed on here. I’ve nothing against it but it isn’t for everyone and you shouldn’t feel obliged to do it.

Just to counter the ‘oh the naivety posters’. My DS went into his own room at 6months and that worked well enough.

before then he was in a cot by our bed apart from occasional co sleeping. DH often slept in the spare room.

Next to me for the first 6 months.

For me I think it could have been quite damaging for my relationship with DH for us to sleep apart. We maintained those quiet moments of intimacy.

I was breastfeeding so all night feeds on me but it didn't disturb DH much.

I started with naps in their own rooms at around 4 months and DS was full time in his own room at 6 months, DD from 4 months.

DC went in a Jane Babyside crib in our room and we took it in turns to go and sleep in the single bed in what later became her nursery. When she was four months, she moved into the nursery in the Jane cot with the side zipped up. This helped the transition as she didn't have to move beds. At four months she didn't notice the room change. We all slept better after that. DH would look after her 10pm-2am and then I'd take over until morning. Yes he had work but we both had to function. We did six months paternal leave each and for the second six months when I was at work, we still shared the night. Get the equal split from the start.

I’m currently on third baby (3 weeks old) and we use a snuzpod next to our bed in our room with the side down. I was never comfortable with co-sleeping although that is the easiest way to get sleep in the beginning. If you are stubborn and determined, it is of course possible to get baby used to sleeping in their own space - just keep at it. This baby is doing 3-hour stretches in the snuzpod already, although I currently let her sleep on me during the day. DH stays in our bed so he’s there to help if needed but he mostly just sleeps through everything. He works full time and he’s fine. We put babies in their own room at 6 months. What I do is start training them into their big cot for daytime naps at around 5 months then make the nighttime transition once they’re used to their cot. I personally wouldn’t and have never put a bed or mattress in the room with the cot as to me that is ‘admitting defeat’ 😂 I just get up, settle them and then go back to my own bed. It’s hard work in the beginning but in my experience the more work you put in at the start, the easier it is later on. I have a 5yo and nearly 3yo who both sleep in their own beds all night without wake ups and have done for a long time. Plenty people I know still have their 5yo in bed with them, I just couldn’t be doing with that! Basically IME you just have to be more stubborn than the baby. Good luck and congratulations!

Thank you, I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the number of responses about co-sleeping as not something I’d considered, feels a bit more balanced now with the more recent responses.

OH’s sister has actually offered us her next to you cot so now I have the option to try out what works for us best when baby gets here without needing the fork out for more stuff.

I came into my SD and SS’s lives when they were 2 and 5 respectively, and I never had to experience any issues with them getting to sleep in their own rooms at those ages and sleeping through the night. So not sure it’s naivety that makes me think children can sleep on their own throughout the night. I have no idea what I’ll be like as a mother, because it will be different to being a step-mum but I feel I will be fairly stubborn and determined at getting them into their own room asap.

Like you, OP, i was not comfortable with co-sleeping. Baby's nursery was our spare room so we kept the spare double bed in there. We put the next to me next to the bed and all slept in there together. Then at 6 months moved her into the cot (but us still in the room). Then at 8 months, we moved out and dismantled the double bed. Nice and slow changes - DD adjusted really well. She has never been into our bed to sleep.

Daytime naps on the other hand were contact naps until 7months - that was harder to crack than nighttime sleep for us!

If you are getting a second hand cot or next to me, it's very important to get a brand new mattress. If its the Chicco next to me, you can buy new mattresses for them from the website (and argos too i think).

Our 1m old sleeps in a Chicco Next to Me Forever, which should last her until she's 4 (probably toddler years in her case as she's large though). It can be attached to the bed, then when she's older we'll turn it into a floor bed (Montessori bed). She likes it just fine, sleeps in it all night long. Naps are a different matter though!

We have a single bed in the nursery (originally meant for occasional guests), but haven't had to sleep in it so far. My DH (on leave) does the 12-4 shift as he's a night owl, I get up at 5-6 to take over as I'm more of an early bird. Baby wakes both of us up every time, but we're so tired that the one not on shift falls back asleep right away!

Just come across this thread and wanted to counter some of the posts on this thread line the above which suggest your baby will never sleep on their own. Both of mine slept in the next to me cot from birth and happily did 4-5 hour stretches right away. Current 10 week old baby sleeps 8pm-7am with one wake up. Toddler went in to her own room at 6 months as will this baby.

No need for sleeping on the nursery floor, giving unrestricted access to the boob, cosleeping or having a 7 year old in bed with us. Not all babies are the same.

@McOrange thank you. I feel a lot more confident in our choice now I’ve been to my NCT classes and read up more about sleep routines etc.

We’ve decided to start with a Moses basket in our room as a ‘next to you’ won’t fit down either side of the bed. Once they start rolling we will get them into their cot in the nursery and we have a single bed we can put up in there if needed, we’ll just see what works for our baby at the different stages.

I appreciate co-sleeping might be easier for some parents to sleep as their baby might be more settled but I will be awake all night worrying about rolling onto them. I barely slept for a fortnight after we got our kitten because he wanted to sleep on my pillow and I was so panicked about squishing him.

Now that mine is 5 months the best advice I can give is to have flexible options. The baby will soon let you know what sleeping arrangements suit them. Ours only slept when held for 5 weeks, then in a purflo nest next to me on the bed, then in that same purflo inside his cot. He was sleeping through from 7 weeks until 15 weeks. Then he grew out of it and slept "correctly" in an empty cot for about 2 nights until the 4 month sleep regression hit and now we cosleep because otherwise he's up every hour, sometimes every 20 minutes 😴 when he's cuddled into me he does 2-2.5 hours. When they're older you worry less about squishing them too, with head control and rolling he's capable of getting out of trouble, and I sleep lightly anyway because the cuddle curl is so rudding uncomfortable!

So certain things will work during certain times, and when they go through developmental leaps, have colds, teething, whatever, they might need a different setup 🙂

Exactly the same here. You would think these seasoned parents who are the opposite of naive first time mums would have an understanding that all babies are completely different but apparently not 🤷‍♀️

good luck with whatever you choose to do OP. We personally had a next to me crib next to our bed with the side on and this worked well until we moved DS into his own room at 6 months.

I agree the baby will let you know the sleeping arrangements. We have a snuzpod, Purflo and Moses basket and DS mainly scoffs at them all and co sleeps. I tell myself he’ll grow out of it and the snuzpod is a great bedside table.

DP and I are in separate rooms and anticipate we will be until DS is six months. It works for both of us. I miss the intimacy but it’s not like we’d have lazy, cuddly mornings back anyway.

A word of warning, co-sleeping does mean a bit more sleep in those early days but then generally results in much much worse sleep and for longer further down the line as they becomes accustomed to sleeping in a ‘newborn’ style - constantly next to mum, constantly feeding, constantly waking etc.

If you can power through the first few months resettling them in the cot/next2me, it will pay dividends further down the line when they start sleeping for longer stretches and find the cot transition easier.

Nights, in a cot next to the bed.
Daytime naps, Moses basket downstairs.
3.5 months. Havent co slept and partner is in the same room but you'll find the set up that works for you
Have fun and enjoy, even the hard bits are wonderful on reflection 💕