15 month old won't go to bed....ever

[donchafeellikecrying]

his isnt our first rodeo in that we aren't first time parents....have an older child who admittedly didn't sleep through consistently or consistently in her own bed until almost age 5 but she was fine as long as not on her own But we have 15 month old twins now - boy and girl. Girl is fine just wants to fall asleep next to me and then will go in her cot. Yes can wake in the middle of the night and then comes in with us for a cuddle but does sleep But our boy.......he just doesn't want to go to sleep...ever. We have fallen in a trap of me doing his sisters bed time and DH taking him out in the car and driving until he's asleep and then putting him to bed. Because he just would scream for hours otherwise. BUT we can't carry on like that** as I'm worried how will ever he go to bed on his own (and it's costing a fortune in fuel!) - it was working fine for about 2 months but the last few nights he'll sleep for an hour or two and then be wide awake and just won't go back to sleep. We couldn't do cry it out etc before because he shares with his twin and the crying would wake her up and then we'd have 2 babies to settle and we both work full time and were literally going to work on a couple of hours sleep if we were lucky But now I'm thinking of trying it again but moving his sister downstairs to the sofa when she is asleep and then going for it? Does it actually work though? I've said to DH we need to commit to it and follow through for what could be several nights of crying I guess I'm just after tips and solidarity - sounds awful but we have to almost break his will when it comes to bed times. I've had 2 hours sleep in 48 hours and i have a very high pressured and challenging job and just need some more consistent sleep and not feel anxious when it comes to bed times Sorry for the rambling!

Well night 1 update

No tv at all after 5pm

Took twins up to their room at 615 with some stories on their Tonie box and milk and pyjamas - They've been faffing about wandering around looking at things

Changed their nappies twice each - I swear they've saved all the pop for bedtime

Little girl twin is lying next to me on the bed

Little boy twin currently crying in his cot - tried him next to his sister on the bed but he kept messing about

I don't think he sounds like he's really committed to the crying yet - I would say defcon 3

I think his sister would be asleep if it was quiet....

DH had to work late 🤦🏻‍♀️ going to start the CC when he gets back shortly

DH wants to quit and it's only been 20 mins for him

Girl twin is still awake

Boy twin is a defcon 5

I don't think I can do it

Keep going as the only way this will work is consistency. Keep reassuring, back to bed and leave....and repeat.

This will in the end come down to how much you want to change this.
Its going to be hard, emotional and involve crying. Your son has become reliant on certain things to sleep.
You now need him to learn a different way.
That’s going to take time and perseverance.
It’s not going to work if you fold after 20 minutes.
I’m a proponent of sleep training. It worked spectacularly for both my children. They are still excellent sleepers and very attached, thriving and happy.
BUT it’s not going to just ‘happen’. You have to stick it out.

Personally there is no way I could leave my 14 month old to cry, controlled or not

If you can't do it either, I'm not surprised it will be horrible and very distressing for your LB

Before jumping into this have you looked into twin bedtime routines, I'm sure there will be videos you can watch on YouTube with examples or groups you can join on Facebook?

Before you had to start driving around how did you used to get him to sleep?

The whole point of CC done correctly is you don't leave them for more than a couple of minutes.

Little girl twin got so upset I had to take her into another room and then she went mental I wasn't sat with her when I went into check on little boy twin - DH was doing 5 year olds bed time - little girl twin cried so hard shes thrown up. So I've sent DH in to rock little boy twin to sleep - he's gone quiet so I think he's worn himself out. Little girl twin now asleep too. 5 year old is in tears over the drama

Feeling like a pretty shit mom 🤦🏻‍♀️

The Ferber chart says to start with 3 mins then space it out gradually getting longer?. By the time we'd done the 3rd check in boy twin was going nuclear there was no way he was going to make a 10 mins check in

Have you tried putting twins down together and not taking girl twin out? I'd be inclined to try that.

You're not a shit mum, you have got a lot to deal with

Hope you can work something out that works for you all

I was doing 10 mins on second / day, first day only 3 mins at a time. Third day was sorted.

@sunshine298

The chauffeur driven bed time routine started a couple of months ago - up until then he was pretty good.

Seemed like he hit 13 months and developed this stubborn little personality and bed times took a nose dive.

I was often sat up all night with him on the sofa (often with all 3 kids) as he was refusing to go back to sleep in the cot if he woke up at say midnight and then I was trying to function on an hours doze at best (im the main earner by a long way and my work often involves lots of travel) - DH does his best but I breastfed the twins until they weaned onto solids so it's taken time for him to be able to even attempt to settle them at bed times and DH goes to work at 430am anyway

Hi OP. I would really recommend reading Dr Feber’s book - don’t just use the charts you can get online for controlled crying.
You need to properly understand what you’re doing and why if you’re going to be able to stick to it with conviction.

I downloaded the e-book on my phone and just read the relevant chapters.

Good luck!

Yes that's what I tried tonight but the noise was disturbing her and I wasn't sure if the whole Ferber thing would work if I was sat in the room with them - isnt that crueller? That they can see me in the room?

It's the first time in weeks he's gone to sleep in his cot but I can hear him whimpering in his sleep so I don't feel like it's been much of a victory

Definitely!

Dh must read it too so he's properly on board. When you are clear about the plan it makes it easier all round.

Thanks all - I'll try again something similar tomorrow at least with the bed time timings and routine - im surprised at DH as with little boy twin he's always been very much - he's got to learn he can't be picked up all the time and then the minute we get a sobbing episode DH crumbles 😂

Anyone tried those montissori floor beds? I wonder since he's at montissori childcare (I didn't choose it because of that BTW) that maybe since he's able to take himself off to nap during the day that a bed which is less "cot" like might be better?

It sounds like you're expecting quite an early bedtime? What are your timings like? My 18 month old is up at 6.30, 90 min nap at 12 then asleep at 8. He would never go to sleep at 6.45 and would wake a few hours after if I tried.

Hi OP, this sounds so hard. I have 3 rubbish sleepers but not twins! Have a look at calm and bright sleep support, especially on Instagram if you have it. They do do plans you can buy, with extra support if needed but also often offer free advice on Instagram (possibly Facebook too, not sure). They have a book too, and they have pediatric nurses who you can talk to. There are set times to go back in the room for 30 seconds or so, and how often depends on the level of crying.

Hope you all get some sleep soon

At 15 month ds was on the floor on his cot mattress as he could climb out by then. Went into a single bed at 18 months iirc...was a long time ago!

Hello, twin mum here of a set of boy girl twins too!

The twins have just turned 1 and up until about 8 weeks ago the sleep situation was ruining my fuckin life. They were both absolutely awful and wouldn't go down, were up and down all night. I would need to rock them in the buggy for over an hour just to get them to sleep so I feel your pain.
I hit breaking point when I felt like I could have fallen asleep at the wheel and reached out for help from a sleep consultant.
She gave us some really amazing advice (which when she was telling me I rolled my eyes into the back of my head and could have cried as I thought there was no way in hell it would work)
We separated the twins on night 1 and we used "the disappearing chair act"
Basically you do your night time routine and then lie them down in cot and say "good night it's bed time" and you sit on the floor close to them so they can see you but can't touch you. And every 5 mins you just lie them back down and repeat "good night, it's bed time" you ignore everything else.
Our boy the first night took about 55mins to KO, then 2nd night 30mins 3rd night was 10 and by night 4 he was just falling asleep on his own.
Girl 1st night was an hour and a half, 2nd night 20mins and by night 5 she was falling asleep on her own.
By night 8 or 9 we moved the cots back into the same room and they both go to bed at same time and fall asleep within 5 mins without us having to be in the room .

Yes the first few nights are absolutely fuckin horrific but I sat with a pair of headphones on to drown out the crying protests. It's not for everyone but it honestly saved my fuckin sanity coz I was losing my mind with sleep deprivation.

The only thing I would say is if your going to go down the sleep training route then once you start, don't stop. Consistency is the key.

The sleep consultant explained it to me in a way that your essentially teaching them a skill the same you would riding a bike, like you wouldn't change the way you teach them to ride a bike if they fall off kinda thing (don't know if I'm doing that anology any justice but hopefully you get the drift)

We also have an older child at 3 too just for context.

@PrincessesRUs

They get up at 530am everyday - no matter what I do it's always that time but it works for me in terms of what time I have to get up anyway although weekend lies in would be nice

Then they usually have a good 2 hour nap when they go to childcare at about 8 or 9 - no after noon naps

I think I read 7pm is the norm for a 2 year old so just sort of stuck with it. They are literally knackered by 630 and are ready for bed it's just that little boy twin fights it

I start at 645 as I know it can take well over an hour so realistically they don't actually sleep until 8pm at the earliest

@rosegoldivy

Hi! Sounds similar to my twins although girl twin has generally been much better but physically she's much smaller and tires much quicker. Like you I've stood and rocked boy twin in the pushchair for hours with no effect

I feel like the disappearing chair thing is quite similar to what I ended up doing except with both twins in the room.

Did your twins get really upset still though? My boy twin just went nuclear and I know when he reaches that point it's almost impossible to get him calmed down - he was getting so cross with being laid back down 😂

Yup - that makes sense - so he would have woken at about 11ish so should be pretty tired. I was just clutching at straws that maybe bedtime was too early! Sorry. You my be surprised by how much crying your girls can sleep through. I tried a controlled cry approach with my daughter when it was taking an hour of me lying on her bedroom floor for her to drop off and it took three nights. First night 30 mins crying, second was ten, third 5 then no more. I started with a going in and out approach but it upset her far more as she'd get worked up every time I left

Just to also add, twins are both in there cots every night between 6 and 6.15pm and the toddler is 6.30pm.

Our twins too are up between 5.30am and 6am no matter what, must be a twin thing 🤣