Please help. 13 month old won’t sleep at bedtime

[kbx201]

13 months next week. He is rocked to sleep, not too bothered about this. Won’t let dad rock him to sleep, has to be me. His naps used to be 30 mins on the dot from about 3/4 months but in the last month they have suddenly increased and can be anywhere from 30mins- 2hr.
Wakes at 7am, He’ll have 2 naps, 10am & 2pm in his cot.
Bed at 7, starts off in cot then comes to bed with me when I go. Always been this way, he won’t sleep in cot overnight. Not a problem for me. Now, and this has been going on since October, bed at 7 and 30-60 mins later he’s up and won’t settle. Up for 2-3 hrs, finally back to sleep then unsettled full night, thrashing around etc.

Things I’ve tried:
Earlier and later bedtime
Waking from nap after 30 mins
No tv after dinner time (used to get 30 mins of simple songs)
Having a small bowl of muesli at 6pm ish incase he is hungry
White noise
Leaving him to resettle himself - this doesn’t work as he’ll just stand up in the cot and cry (I def won’t try cry it out)
He is Dairy free if that makes a difference to anything

At my wits end now just because I don’t have any time to myself. Once he’s in bed I have about 30 mins to either eat my dinner or tidy up, then the rest of my night is spent trying to get him back to sleep. Before this happened he was sleeping through. Thanks in advance

Have ruled out teething, sleep regression etc being a cause because they don't last this long surely?

Have you tried dropping the first nap? Around 1 is when they usually do. Maybe try 1 nap at 12:30. That's what my daughter the same age has.

Hope you get it sorted soon.

@slipperly I could give it a try, but I don't think he's ready as he was on 3 naps for ages, only went to 2naps at Xmas. And he'll fall asleep within a couple of mins for both naps

Maybe he's got used to having his main sleeps in the day and so he's not quite tired enough at night? I do know that if I let my baby or my toddler sleep too long in their nap or too late in the day they will either not to go sleep at 7 or wake very soon afterwards. Annoyingly the same thing happens if they are overtired

I know they are all so different in their sleep needs.

I used a sleep consultant for my baby who was constantly waking up (she couldn't self-settle). Her recommendations are the first nap should be no longer than 20 minutes, and dropped by the age of 1. The main nap should be no longer than 1 hour 30 minutes and over by 2pm. It has worked for us (bar teething/actual discomfort).

Alternatively, I also found Lucy Wolfe's book on baby sleep useful with my first to get guidance on sleeping times and age appropriate stuff.

How was last night?