5yo DD still needs my body parts as a comforter

[Billi77]

I know, I know. I’m a single mum and never got to tag team this stuff. We’ve lived in various houses where we’ve had to share a bed. Lying with her till she fell asleep just worked. Oh and she sucks her thumb and has to hold my hand/elbow/nose/ear to get to sleep. But it’s now getting ridiculous. Have tried everything. Anyone here ever had to overcome similar?

All I can suggest is moving to holding your hand and have something very tactile in between your hand and hers, like some velvet or corduroy, fleece, silk etc. And eventuall she'll want that rather than you?

At 5 you can probably try the bright and breezy "oh I just need to pop down to do X" and extend the time longer and longer

Also try audiobooks

I could’ve written your post…..as I lay here with youngest DCs hand tucked underneath my back while they fall asleep!

Are they 5 though?

What a lovely mum you are.

I'm no expert but I would try what someone above has suggested - putting a very tactile fabric between you and her but letting her hold the body part. Possibly add your perfume to it too?

Going tbh my children 4 and 6 will not go to sleep unless one parent is nearby in bed... however we can leave them in bed and they stay there most of the night (our neighbour does nights on his moped so come back early hours of morn so children wake up about 2 hours earlier than they need to) then come join us in our bed

Yes she ends up in my bed pretty much every night too!

My dc is 5 too.
Oldest dc was the same but at about 6 he migrated to his own room and has slept there happily ever since.
Youngest DC is definitely more clingy and needs more cuddles and to be touching a part of me though so don’t know how long before theyll be in their own room

Weighted blanket? Don’t know if they are suitable for younger ages as my Dd has one and hers is really really heavy- but maybe they come in different weights? Just trying to think of a way to recreate that feeling of being held.

Anyone ever used a fake arm ? Off to google weighted blankets and tactile fabrics.

I think a fake arm wouldn’t be warm enough but the tactile fabrics are a good shout, let us know how you get on (from one desperate parent to another!)

DD was like this until last year, she always wanted something to touch me. We coslept until she was 10, I'm also a single parent and it worked for us, she was always unsettled a going back and forth between her Dad's and mine. Then one day she just stopped and just said she was too old for it and started sleeping in her own room. This behaviour was completely out of sorts with how she behaved during the day, she is bright and confident normally so I figured I'd support her through the phase, although incredibly frustrating at times, it wouldn't last forever she obviously got something she needed from it.

She still struggled to get to sleep on her own and missed me because I'm warm, I bought her one of those big 'U' pregnancy body pillows and it has absolutely done the trick and I wished I had bought it years ago.

You could bribe her. Something top notch that she wants and do a whole sticker chart approach. I know gentle parent people think bribary is the worst but it may be worth a go!

I will try anything

I gave her a tactile fabric and she hurled it across the room. Pregnancy pillow you say…

What would happen if you just said no, here is your teddy, I am just downstairs, night night?

If she’s anything like my DC she would find excuses to come and find me, needing a drink, a hug etc, get upset and then eventually I’d just end up going to bed with her anyway

Exactly that! And we’d be up ALL NIGHT. I’ve tried this

Can she cuddle a body temperature hot water bottle or something, a facecloth just out the dryer?

What happens if you sit in a chair beside the bed and read a book?

If she gets up put her back, kiss, stroke her hair but don’t let her grab you, go back to your chair. If she gets up again take her back to bed and return to your chair.

Eventually she’ll get the hang of falling asleep without a body part to hold. It may take a week but if you stand firm she will learn. It’s just coz it feels wrong. Everything new feels wrong at first though!

Or am I just being crazy 😜

Not crazy at all! Will try all these again with more perseverance and report back

The weighted blanket just got hurled across the room too

The fabric idea needs to be slow and gentle so it won't be a quick fix. It'll be weeks of getting to the point where you can leave her with just the fabric.

What if you involved her in preparations to make her bed and bedroom ultra-cosy? New linen, memory foam pillow, hot water bottle, coat of paint, posters, night light. Let her have a big part in choosing stuff. Talk to her in the daytime when she's in good humour about how big grown up kids start going to sleep themselves and then plan a kind of gradual (but consistent) withdrawal routine. E.g. story, kisses and cuddles, leave landing light on, pop back for another kiss, tell her she's great, go do something in the kitchen, pop back etc. Also relaxation exercises before sleep might help.

You can buy pillows with an arm on them.
Some are dressed in pyjamas!

Bless you, you sound like a lovely mum. No advice but massive 💜