Is it really so bad to soothe a crying baby in the night?

[derbygirl23]

That’s it really - seeing a sleep consultant at the moment who has explicitly explained how bad it is to rush to a crying baby in the night as it will create a dependency on that and baby will not be able to self settle. Is it really so bad? It goes against all of my mothering instincts. Does anyone have a baby who self settles well but that they will give a cuddle to in the night when they are crying? Thanks!

I fed on demand and co-slept, I couldn't leave a crying (distressed) baby alone.

I trusted my instinct as a mother (I feel when we get too caught up in books and trends, 'specialists' and other peoples advice we lose the strong instinct that we have for our own children and their needs) listen to your heart, trust your gut, you know when they need you, you're a mother and you are programmed to know what they need.

As my babies got older, and more resilient and better able to calm themselves and express themselves I naturally started to leave them to niggle a little and they also learnt to self sooth. (This would always regress when poorly or teething, or if they'd had an unsettling day, but again I knew instinctively they needed me close then)

We never had any sleep issues (after the first few months to a year they soon settled into a good routine) and now that they are teens.... can't get them out if bed! Lazy buggars!

With my first, I went to the loo when she woke because (a) guarantees as soon as you get in your need to pee badly! (b) quite often by the time I'd been for a wee she was back asleep. So I didn't leave her but I took a pause.

With my second (22m) I can tell from the cry pretty quickly and I go straight in, as if I can catch her quickly enough it's often 20 mins, whereas if she wakes up more it's usually 2-4 hours

@derbygirl23 I just gradually reduced how much I helped them get to sleep. So if you were feeding to sleep you might feed until drowsy and then rick to sleep. Then over a few days gradually reduce how much you rock until you are cuddling. Then put in cot but hold your hand in them/stroke/pat. Then gradually reduce how much you are touching them. Then after a while progress to tidying away toys in the room where they can see you. Then leaving the room briefly, for seconds at first, gradually increasing the time. Always returning to the cot to offer reassurance if they cry. This is for bedtimes rather than the middle of the night. Fir middle of the night waking is I would skip out the tidying toys step and either sit by the cot to resettle or comfort and leave.

Same - we did gradual retreat at 8 months. Baby was never left to cry. Took about a month but changed our lives.