DD is 22 months & still wakes 2-3 times a night, it's killing me, HELP

[SpookyDooooo]

I am at my wits end i have tried so many things but dd just keeps waking up through the night so far i have done these -

Kept her awake all day, no nap to see if this would work, she woke 3 times that night.

Put her to bed later than her usual 6.30pm bed time, she still wakes.

Ignored her, she then becomes destructive, takes of her pj's & throws her nappy onto the floor, sits the naked.

No bottle given when woken up, a bottle with water no milk.

Sleeping bag thing in case she is cold, worked for 2 nights has not worked since.

Always leave hall light on as she is scared of the dark, once we worked this out she actually started sleeping through the night for about a week, after that back to old ways even know light still on.

Kept her in a very strict routine, still wakes.

When she has woken at about 11pm taken her out of bed to sit with us for 30 mins to an hr, she still got up.

Tried Medised, horlicks all sorts.

It is killing me i find her the most demanding child ever, i get up 3 times every night mostly sometimes twice, then she is up again at 6am shouting & bellowing from her cot, she is loud, screams, shouts & seems frustrated.

What the hell can i do i am exhausted & would love a whole nights sleep with no getting up, dp did it last night but there is just no point, he does not hear her so i wake & nudge him but then i am awake anyway, she got up twice for him last night.

I really am at the end of my tether, i feel like giving up & running away

How did it go?

Well she woke at 11pm i gave her the dummy, she went on for a while but eventually went to sleep, then she was up at 3.30am which was 2.30am when clocks back, she creamed & screamed & screamed, throw things out her cot, screamed some more, gave her the dummy she throw it, it was truly awful, i laid in my bed ignoring her for 15 mins with covers on my head.

She eventually went back to sleep about 1 hr later after i cried & lost it

she was then up at 6.10am which was really 5.10am.

I am shattered, moody, have cried this morning saying i can not take anymore (which is true) i just can't bear to think my life is going to be like this forever because thats how it feels.

Hi Spooky.

We are also having a hard time with sleep.

DD is 14mo and has always been a difficult sleeper. But she got better with age and with some fairly non traumatic sleep training (she surprised us by getting the message way quicker and with less fuss than we expected). We hit a few months where she either went through or just got up for a quick hug at ten or eleven.

We can't remember properly how this changed so it must have been gradual and probably connected to some teething or a cold or something. Anyway now she goes down between 8 snd 830 generally no problem. But she wakes between 12 and 3 and will NOT settle in her cot.

We tried pick-up-put-down and controlled crying but it's like to cot is on fire! She can be totally settled in your arms and screaminh even before she touches the mattress when you go to put her back in. DP and I were emotional wrecks and we never got her to sleep in the cot (we honestly gave it s good go).

The only thing that works is to bring her into bed with us pretty quickly before she gets upset which means that DP and I don't sleep properly or together and she is disturbed at some stage because we work odd hours.

Tonight we are thinking of trying the cot back in our room as we reckon she's realy upset at waking up alone (separation anxiety?) Feels like a step back but we all need to sleep better. I know how upsetting and destructive the chronic sleep deprivation gets. It really affects everything.

Do you think they will grow out of this at some stage?

MsPea i am so much sympathy for you this is just so so hard

Dd has had a bit of a hard time & it may be why her sleep is so disturbed, she was in with us till she was about 7 months then we moved her into her own room she was fine she slept from 7pm will 7am no hasstle at all, then when she was about 9 months we had to move & our housing situation was bad, we lived in a room at my mothers for about 9 months all 4 of us, i suppose dd is used to having people sleep in the same room as us, she still woke once in the night through even when at my mums.

We then got this flat & have lived here since may, she shares a room with ds who is 5 years old, i have tried most things but she just seems to be in a habit.

Being sleep deprived is actually really taking it's toll on me & us as a family, weekends when dp is here seem to be the worst we just argue all the time about dd & her sleep/behaviourer.

I just don't even think i am the patience or the energy to go on & i believe the worst bit is to come.

Maybe we could try putting her cot in our room as when we put her in our room we put her in a travel cot not her cot, but this is taking steps back.

Blimey this is hard.

Just had another idea, would putting a kids music player thing which you could put nursery rymes or story telling tapes in work? she loves music & stories, do you think if she woke up i could ut this on for her? maybe make her feel like someone is there IYKWIM? or am i going completely mad?

I have just tried children's acupuncture on dd 16 months old who is fairly similar.

Have only had one week so far, so too early to tell, but will keep you posted.

We did BW put down/ walk in/walk out with dd. This has definitely improved her nighttime behaviour, but not her sleep unfortunately. We have done 2 weeks of this which was very hard, but we did manage it.

Dd is very strong willed and persistent, but can offer you loads of sympathy x . I know how awful it is.

Dd up from 5.15-6.30 am today. Then went back to sleep until 10.00am

I would do this in stages.

Ditch bottle first, then try and solve sleep problems,because at the moment it is hard to be clear about what is causing problem.

HTH, they are a bloody nightmare aren't they. Hv was completely stumped when I told herd dd'd behaviour had changed but not her sleeping pattern

Lots of sympathy, I know that can't go on feeling

I think the downside of using a prop like music is that she is just replacing with a prop that still requires you to go in and turn it on.

It is really really hard but once you've cracked her going to sleep without a bottle I should think that the getting her to self settle will follow soon after - I think you have to be committed to trying for a couple of weeks. If the bottle stays ditched and she continues to wake and doesn't get back to sleep quickly then look at cranial osteopath.

I would personally put her back in her cot in your room - she has been through a lot of changes at such a young age. I would put a mattress bed in the other room and you and dh take the nights in turns so that someone is getting a break from it each night.

I really feel for you. I think they reckon at least a week for them to unlearn a soothing habit like bottle or dummy or thumb for going to sleep. She's quite old but can you try getting her attached to a particular soft toy or blanket?

Ok not going down the music route then will leave that. I am going to carry on with the bottle being ditched for bed, i will give her her milk whilst reading a story sitting on the sofa, then straight to bed with her dummy, see if we can go on.

I will leave her in her own room tonight see how tonight goes then maybe we should see about putting her back with us not sure it will work but it is well worth a try, dp can sleep in ds's room with him as he works long hours so i do all the night shifts with dd

scooby hope it works
yesterday we tried to drop the nap which worked until she fell asleep at 6.45pm. Great me thinks she should sleep all night...WRONGGGGGGGGGG she woke up at 1.15am and decided she was ready to play. Was determind not to let her in our bed. Put her back in her own bed but sat in the room so she didnt wake dd2, thought time was going slowly..it wasnt..2hrs passed before she even looked tired again. She was lying on her bed the whole time but just singing to herself etc. When I thought she was tired enough to leave I went back to bed..checked time and it was 3.3oam

meant to add we dont use a bottle and havent for around 5mthssame time as she gave up the dummy

How old is your dd now nemo? I tried dropping the nap the other day, kept her up all day & put her to be at 6.30pm usual time, she still woke in the night 3 times, in fact that night was a very bad night, so won't be doing that again.

Girls are so strong willed arn't they? very independant from the day there born & more determined than ever, well my dd is anyway, she is the complete opposite to ds, he is calm, placid & has always slept very very well from about 6 weeks old.

Dd has certainly rocked my world, if she was born first i would have had no more

I am certainly having no more now, the thought makes me want to cry!

She is 22mths aswell scooby..blooming nightmare, and what makes it worse is the fact I am 99% sure will be doing the same next year with dd2..assuming dd1 is sleeping through by then

Blimey nemo i feel for you, it just seems never ending does'nt it, dd was like an angel till she hit about 11 months she now seems to have turned into the devil

I would put ds in your room on a blow up mattress, and leave dd in her room.

I also don't think putting a mettress in her room is the answer, because then they get used to you being in the room with them, and we have just had to wean dd off this.

Try some sort of sleep training eg lay down or WI/WO that doesn't leave her to cry.

WE are working on the fact that we have changed dd's behaviour and the sleep will follow. She knows now that she gets no attention when she wakes up, but I guess her sleep patterns are so disturbed that sleep is the last thing to calm down.

I know the thought of sleep traing is awful, that terrible tiredness, BUT, once we bit the bullet, it was no worse than her constant waking up.

Really really feel for you, bit if ds is in your room for a bit then hopefully dd won't wake him up.

Saw some sleep training method the other day, called kissing to sleep which sounded quite interesting. You kiss them step away, kiss them again, take 2 steps away, etc etc, until you are out of the room

Also, I know your dp works long hours, but they can't be longer or harder than yours!

Get him on board, it is much easier with 2

fizzbuzz - I understand what your saying it just seems like it's a vicious circle, am going to stick with keeping ds in there room as i don't want him thinking he can be in with us, she has not yet woken him up & she has done some screaming, if she does start to wake him then i may have to move him but would like that to be last resort too.

Dp won't help he says he has work

I will try the kissing technique too.

have to say mine sleep through the others screaming/crying too - I think they just tune out! I think putting a mattress or something comfy for you to lie on the floor is worth it and then after a few nights move it further and further away.

I suppose the kiss thing is a bit like the pat pat thing.

I think sleep depreviation is the worst bit of parenting - it is used as a method of torture because it works!

Well it's now 6pm but really 7pm dd is yawning & starting so do i hold out the half an hour because in reality this is how the time is going to be for months or do i give in & let her go to bed soonish?

If 7pm would normally be late for her and let her go soonish. I think she needs to be with it enough to realise she hasn't got her bottle??

A friend whose friend has used a sleep clinic mentioned something about altering bedtimes by 5 minutes a time 5 days apart.

Well she is still here, got through her paddy & is going round in circles in the middle of the lounge, will give her 10 more minutes, then bed.

CarGirl - you have been a great help so thank you

No problem - I have it so easy mine are all very good sleepers - only dd3 was challenging but it was never screaming. My worst sufference was a week with dd4 when she had viral earache and was up for 2 hours each night 1-3am - could have killed her!!!!

Just wanted to add a quick message whilst dd in the bath (she is with DH by the way, not on her own!) She is 18 months and has never been a great sleeper so have followed this whole thread and just wanted to add some support for you spooky (and others). Sleep deprivation is awful and has turned me from a sane and rational human being into someone with psychotic tendencies!

I think she has a sleep milk association because although she doesn't fall asleep on her bottle she does have a bottle of milk before naps or nighttime sleep and it is what she screams for in the middle of the night. I am just not feeling brave enough to ditch it but I agree with cargirl that it is probably the problem, let us know who it goes spooky and good luck for tonight.

Oh, meant to say, I did use a cranial oesteopath who did help quite a bit. Her sleep has improved, although its still not great but she has gone from waking up every hour or so to just once or twice a night and then up for the day at 5.30! Still feel utterly sleep deprived though, cumalative effects of 18 months without a nights sleep I suppose.

The CO diagnosed a problem with her ear and a lot of tightness in her neck and shoulders. DD couldn't even tolerate the treatment and first and now she loves it. I would say its worth a try because at least it could identify any physical problems that she may be having that could be disrupting her sleep.

I agree with post that said girls are more independent, couldn't agree more.

Hope you have a better night It's awful isn't it?