Newborn too noisy

[addler]

DS is four weeks old and so far we've been quite lucky with his sleeping, he'll sleep in his Moses basket at night for a couple of hours, wake to feed and then most of the time will go back to sleep easily enough.

He's been a bit refluxy so after a feed I'll burp him, hold him upright for 20/30 minutes and then put him down.

He's then so bloody noisy I can't sleep through it. He gurgles, grunts, snuffles, all while still seeming to be fast asleep. Sometimes I'll pick him up and he'll burp so I think the reflux isn't helping, but it's so loud and so often every time I start to drift off I'll jerk awake when he makes a noise snd that repeats every few minutes until it's time for his next feed and it's starting to make me irrationally angry and upset, I was crying in the night because I just wanted to sleep.

Last night I got half an hour between 1:30 and 8am. DP took him after that until he had to get ready for work at 9 so I got another hour.

DP sleeps through it all as he's the worlds heaviest sleeper and has a CPAP which probably drowns out a lot of it. I just wish I could tune it out as well and only wake up when he starts getting noisier for a feed.

I'm worried about trying ear plugs because sometimes he sicks up a little bit and the gurgling sounds worry me enough that he'll choke in his sleep.

Has anyone had a similarly noisy baby? When did it get better?

Same with my boy! I put him in his own room with an angel care mat x

Sorry, I wouldn't put a 4 week old in their own room. The general advice is to share a room with the baby for the first 6 months. I'm sorry you are not getting much sleep OP. Prior to children I was a heavy sleeper but will now wake at the slightest noise. My toddler often cries out in their sleep in the next room. I haven't had an unbroken night's sleep in a long time!

My 8 week old did this. I caved and put him in bed with me- safely of course. It made a massive difference.

Yes. It’s maternal hyperdrive. I’m wide awake at the slightest sound from the dc. The noisy baby snuffles are practically silent to other people. Or cute. To me they are like someone crinkling a paper bag near my ears all night and occasionally popping it. It sucks, but it doesn’t get any better if you move them further away from you. Then you just strain desperately to hear the noises and enter anxiety mode. They don’t warn you about this. Sleep deprived or no, you can’t sleep if you think something might be awry with your DC. And the only way you can be sure it’s not is by listening to the snorey baby farts. And when you do sleep it’s with one ear open. And it doesn’t go away.

Yes I won't be considering moving him to his own room until at least 6 months, regardless I can't imagine that would help with the worry in the night that he's alright.

I even joked to DP when I was pregnant that although I'm normally a heavy sleeper I can't sleep through any baby noises after being a nanny for more than a decade and feeling 'on the job' when doing overnights, but now it's even worse!

I just tried to put him down for a nap, he had a feed an hour and a half ago and was asleep in my arms silently for 40 minutes but within 5 minutes of getting into bed he was gurgling and grunting and farting and after picking him up to resettle him he's gagged twice and then was sick a little in his mouth. He's now back asleep but doing the bottom lip quiver that breaks my heart.

Oh god he's just farted and woken himself up. This baby is a sound machine. Oh it stinks. He's down to doing a poo once every two days and they're mammoth jobs. The other day he hadn't finished when I changed him and he shat some more out horizontally which luckily hit my arm which happened to be up, otherwise it would've gone all over his Moses basket.

Mine is exactly the same, I wear one ear plug in the ear facing up (I.e. not on the pillow) which muffles it enough to sleep. It means I still wake when he cries. I also play white noise yo try and mask it a bit.

I have the same that he is much quieter when sleeping on me, but obviously that isn't possible at night!

Unfortunately I think our bodies are wired to be tuned into it, so its very hard to switch off!

Yes earplugs!! You will still hear if needed but will filter out most of the grunts.

Could you put on white noise?

We disobeyed advice and had them in their own room, rightly or wrongly, probably wrongly. But we couldn't function without sleep and children are all fine.

Newborns are the worst aren't they? The noises are ridiculous. You do eventually tune it out though. It's shit though isn't it? There is nothing worse than being wide awake and lying next to a fast asleep if very noisy baby thinking about how much you would like to be asleep too.

I would make a plan with your DH- just for a few weeks, you go to bed early after a feed and get a few hours sleep- DH brings to you for the next feed and then goes to bed himself, you do your best between say 12-6.30 and then DH takes baby between 6.30-8 so you get a bit more then.

DD was like this. I slept in the spare room, woke up when she cried and went in to feed her. DH slept through pretty much all of it, right next to her.

My baby was like this, insanely noisy. Thankfully it got better, I think around 8 weeks although I don't remember exactly. Now at 12 weeks he sleeps quietly for the most part.

Have you tried tilting the angle where he's sleeping this can help with refkuxy babies.

This is just newborns OP.
My DS was exactly the same, my mums group used to share little videos comparing the moodiness. It’s like sleeping next to a bear cub.

I struggled to sleep. Then got so exhausted I slept regardless. In the end I started using foam earplugs from Amazon. They’re crap but that’s good, blocks out just enough to let me sleep but I can still hear enough that I never worry about him not being safe.

I think crappy foam earplugs are your answer to this. Or, if you have the option, alternating nights with DH so you can sleep. Although I realised pretty fast that DH sleeps much more heavily than me wearing earplugs.
DS would wake up crying and it would still wake me up before DH!

*noisiness

I was going to suggest lifting one end of the cot too.

My DS had quite bad reflux, so I had to pop books under the cot to raise one end. That helped.

They are noisy at sleep, I feel for you, I remember the same thing. It gets better as they grow but that doesn't help you now.

I used to go to bed at 8pm and leave my DS with my husband watching TV. He'd then come to bed about 11 so I'd at least had a small block of undisturbed sleep.

I ended up having to use a white noise app to help block out a lot of the sound. I still use it for myself 8 years later, because I'm such a light sleeper I can hear them all in the house at night, snoring or dream shouting or thumping around in bed s they turn over as they sleep.

After two weeks of suffering I put foam earplugs in. They muffle the sound enough to drift off, but you still wake up if anything untoward occurs! Another one here who put DS in his own room at around 3 months. We all had colds and no one was getting any sleep. He was only next door through a thin wall with both doors open and it was absolutely fine.

I was all set to try the earplugs last night and tilted his Moses basket a little more but he then didn't sleep at all for four hours and was so overtired he had bags under his eyes and wasn't drifting off at all. He finally seemed to so I put him in his bed and lay down and he woke him.

I ended up saying shut up and that I hated him, and then cried and told DP to give him to a better mother. I really don't hate him, I love him so much that I cry, I don't know why I said it. DP took him in the sling and finally got him to sleep and I got three hours, we've swapped now as he had only had half an hour all night. He's called in sick to work today and we're going to try and catch up on sleep and then make a plan for going forward.

It's such a shit time to have been pregnant and have a baby. The last year has been horrible in so many ways for me and I couldn't start motherhood with the emotional strength and reserves I need. I wish there was someone we could bubble with but we only moved to this town last January and then covid happened, so we don't know anyone nearby. All my family is on the other side of the world. I don't think I can do this with DP back at work. He's been my support through all the horrible things that have happened and I'm worried about being alone and isolated every day.

I don't hate my baby, he's beautiful and perfect and I feel so guilty for not keeping my shit together.

You are absolutely allowed to lose your shit, we've all been there.

Today's a new day.

Many things sound tricky, not just the nights. I don't know much about managing reflux but having support about this would help for the nights.

Sending you hugs.. try and get out with baby in sling or pram today, you'll feel much better for it x

My DS was like this, the sleep deprivation was horrendous so you have my sympathy! The only answer is to find a way to get some decent uninterrupted sleep. Perhaps you could look after him between you in 'shifts'. You say his Dad sleeps through, well maybe could switch off his CPAP machine and stay awake for a few hours so you can get some rest at night. Or look after DS in the morning so you can catch up on lost sleep. If he can't/won't do either due to work or other reasons (just because he should doesn't mean he will or is able to) then you can only do what is often suggested on here, and try to sleep when the baby sleeps, day and night. Drop everything else, housework etc, and focus on looking after your baby and yourself.
You and your partner need to come up with a workable solution to share the round the clock care of your child because it will get so much harder for you if you don't. Maternity leave does not mean you do it all on your own.
Oh and OP, this is 'normal', you are doing the best for your baby, but you have to look after you too. Good luck

Thank you both, didn't mean for this thread to turn into depressing whinge-fest but last night got too overwhelming. We're planning to emigrate back to my home country this year and I really wish we were there now, I have friends who gave birth around the same time I did or are due in the coming months and they can't comprehend how different things are here. Their lives are pretty much completely normal and have been for most of the year.

Today we've slept in chunks, I had three hours this morning and another two just now. We've talked briefly while I was feeding DS and I think we'll try the ear plugs and raised Moses basket again tonight, (or me sleeping on the sofa in the living room, close to the bedroom so I could hear him if he cried but won't wake up for every snuffle, DP will sleep next to him through virtually anything except screaming), and will see if he'll sleep in there as up until last night he was, albeit sounding like a barnyard, but if he doesn't settle because of his reflux then we'll sleep in shifts and the other one will sling him up and watch Netflix. I think I could handle the days without any naps if I was getting some chunks at night. Then I wouldn't get so overwhelmed either. I hated feeling like I did last night.

He's one month old today and this isn't how I wanted to be feeling, I thought it would be a nice snuggly day looking back on our first month with him. I wish I could go back to the two days we had in hospital where I was in a newborn bubble of love and blissfully unaware that my milk would never come in and he was starving all along. I haven't been as happy as I was then.

And a pic of DS because I have no one to show him off to and I'm so proud of him but feel so alone.