9mo pulling to stand in cot & won’t sleep

[FedUp196]

This is driving me crazy! Now that she’s figured out how to pull to stand she does it INCESSANTLY after being put down to sleep. No matter how tired she is, as soon as she’s laid down in her cot she’s pulling herself up at the bars, and despite wearing a sleeping bag and being tucked in she now manages to work her way all the way up to standing. I lay her down, then she does it again. Over and over and over again. As I type this I have been at it for 45 mins already, probably laid her down more than 20 times, and she is showing no signs of stopping. While she’s on the way up she’s crying, then if she finally manages to get all the way up on to her feet before I lay her down she stops crying instantly and looks very pleased with herself, then tries reaching for things beyond her cot like the wire from the video monitor. I’ve been sitting next to the cot and lying her back down, tried this either as soon as she starts pulling or once she has made it all the way up. Neither seems to work.

I’ve read advice which says lie them down every time, let them stand to get it out of their systems then lie them down, leave the room and let them figure out how to lie back down etc., but a lot of the other threads I’ve found are babies who stand and then cry when they get stuck standing, but my baby is happy standing and cries when I lie her down again. I also can’t really leave her as she isn’t massively steady (sleeping bag doesn’t help) and keeps bumping her head either on the way up or when she loses her balance and tumbles back down. Right now she’s got a red forehead from bumping it. I have even got so frustrated I’ve raised my voice and said ‘stop it!!’ :(

Please help!

She finally gave up and went to sleep after more than an hour. Any advice before we enter the ring for nap 2 later this afternoon? 😫

Leave her to it. We have a video monitor so I just make sure she's ok on that. I hate when she's in her sleeping back as she's more likely to fall so that's what I watch out for. Most of the time she eventually sits down and eventually will go to sleep by herself. If I keep going bk in the room it alerts her she becomes more awake and then just wants me.

It’s a compulsion, not a choice. Let her get on with it. It’s a massive development leap on the way to walking. See it as a positive......

sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/11/18/what-the-heck-goes-wrong-sleep-wise-at-8-10-months/

Sleep regression plus learning new stuff, it sucks for us but it's just a thing that happens

I could never leave DD in a room and she hated her cot so it was extra crappy

Thanks all. The link is super helpful @olderthanyouthink. Sounds like we just need to be patient but bloody hell it’s hard. Today’s naps have been only half an hour each (we think she needs at least 2 hours total during the day) and both have been a nightmare. Tried just letting her stand up when she wanted to and ignoring her for a bit then lying her down, repeating this until she seemed settled enough to hold one of our hands and go to sleep. The hand holding thing has been new fairly recently aswell, she was going down for naps all on her own for weeks and then suddenly wouldn’t go down without a hand hold?! Didn’t have the guts to leave the room because I was so worried she would fall and bang her face— what do others do in this situation?

We switched to a floor bed for this reason

I just leave dd. If I keep laying her down it turns into a game and she gets overtired. If leave her then she cries for 5 minutes and then sleeps. I hate leaving her to cry but overall I have come to accept that it's better in the long run because she is then actually able to sleep

The hand holding thing has been new fairly recently aswell, she was going down for naps all on her own for weeks and then suddenly wouldn’t go down without a hand hold?!

Separation anxiety. She’s learning that she isn’t part of you and doesn’t want you to not be there.

10 days later and this is still happening, I can’t cope with it! Both naps and bedtime are taking anywhere between 30 mins and 2 hours and there is always crying, sometimes absolutely hysterical screeching

For a while I was staying in the room and sitting near the door only partially in sight (mainly because I was scared of her falling and hurting her head) and now I’ve started leaving the room and watching her on the monitor. She stands or kneels/sits, sometimes calmly occupying herself and looking around and sometimes crying. I go in every so often to lie her back down and say ‘sleep time now’, and before I’m out of the room she’s started making her ascent again.

Eventually I will lie her down and she’ll cry but then suddenly stop and fall asleep. I haven’t tried leaving her completely because I’m just not convinced she will ever lie herself down. I’ve seen her drop from standing to kneeling but I have never ever seen her lie herself down, even at other times in the day on the playmat or whatever.

Any idea how long this will go on for and any tips?? The whole time it’s happening I feel anxious beyond belief, scared she’ll fall (she has fallen a few times and banged her head quite hard before I’ve been able to catch her) and then I guess just wound up because every single sleep is such a battle. It actually makes me feel sick, angry and tearful all at once.

I’m trying to use awake windows and her sleep signals to choose the right time to put her down, have tried going a bit earlier and a bit later than my instincts would otherwise tell me, but there’s not really a pattern.

It’s absolutely doing my head in

She’s seeing this as a game and unfortunately you’re facilitating it by playing with her. You need to be consistent as at the moment staying with her sometimes / leaving her sometimes / laying her down sometimes etc etc is all sending mixed messages. Do your bedtime routine, say good night / I love you etc then leave the room. If she stands up, go back once to lie her back down and that’s it, leave her to it. If she falls or anything then go back and see to her, but if she’s just standing / shaking the bars etc etc then she will figure it out and go to sleep eventually.

For naps, would she sleep in the pram still? I’d take her out and get her sleeping on the move so you know you don’t have to battle with her for that for every nap too

Mine did this and we had to sleep train then whilst always in the room, pick up put down method, always reassuring etc. We never left the room and let him cry as it wasn't for me.

I think it took about 4-6 weeks and he then trusted us to leave and then fell asleep himself. He's almost 2 now and still the same.

Mine napped in the pram and the first 14 months of his life, we then did the same training for nap times in cot (when lockdown happened) and it's worked a treat for us.

It's not easy and it takes time but hubby and I took shifts and it all worked really well.

@cheesebubble did your LO end up lying himself down and going to sleep? Or did you keep lying him down?

He sort of fell on his bum and went down. What's important now is consistency and you need to remove your anxiety around bedtime (I know easier said than done) but by how you are writing, I can tell you are dreading it, so try to be calm before.

We always had the same routine, 3oz milk in bed, milk done, dummy in. Sleep time.

In the evening, he's got a star light that twirls and it's got a timer, so we leave the room and it has about 5-10 minutes on it. He chats and chills and knows ok, time to close my eyes when it goes off.

I did the opposite of sleep training in these circumstances. Sit by the cot with my hand on her back/tummy firmly enough to convey “stay down” whilst retaining the comfort of “I’m here”. Not looking towards her and with an audiobook on some headphones.

Didn’t take long for the leap to pass and then a minute of my hand on her back/tummy had her off to sleep.

We had one of those animated lights as well. :)