Sick of seeing people moaning about baby sleeping through 'but not going to bed till 11pm' etc

[Reelaa]

It's mainly on the breastfeeding support pages on FB, but also on here. I keep reading posts from people complaining about baby sleeping 12pm-8am and they want advice on getting baby to bed earlier etc, which is fair enough, but what gets me is they are moaning that they are exhausted! Try having my 13 week old who sleeps an hour at a time, or maybe 2 hours if I'm lucky, won't settle, and then I get on average 5 hours sleep a night. We are struggling with food intolerances at the minute. Yes I am jealous and bitter and sleep deprived. I probably shouldn't be reading these posts in the middle of the night to be fair 🙈

Have you been told the classic "it gets better"?

These people don't know they're born! None of my 4 slept through for 8hrs in their first year at all. I don't think sleeping through that much is common - do try to steer away from the groups where this is being posted. It won't help you.

I'd stay away from those forums, all my babies have slept (or not slept!) like yours and there was nothing worse than hearing the smug "my baby sleeps through" brigade.
I'm sorry I have no advice, they just gradually got better but I don't quite know how I got through the sleep deprivation.

It’s really not a competition - all new mums are exhausted, they’re not trying to upset you, they’re just seeking support which is a good thing. Hope things improve for you soon.

If baby doesn't sleep until 12pm then the parents gets no down time before bed. That must be hard.

My almost 3 year old still wakes every 2 hours but that doesn't mean I can't sympathise with someone else. Really isn't a competition!

@ayechooseboo haha yeah it gets better 🙄. My version of better is 2 x 3 hour stretches in the night. I can function on 6 hours of fairly uninterrupted sleep. At least the 4 month sleep regression can't be much worse than it already is 😂.
To be fair I've accepted this is all fairly "normal" but I just wish I was one of the lucky ones. I know it's not a competition but I can't help feeling irritated when I see how much sleep people are getting. I don't get an evening with my partner either as I take baby up to bed between 8-9pm when he has fallen asleep, as this is the stretch I'm more likely to get 3 hours sleep. Or spend 4 hours trying to get him to stay asleep in his next to me....depends how he is feeling 😩

Get off the support pages- they're not supportive. Similarly you could argue someone only 13 weeks into sleep deprivation is complaining when you're 11 months down the line..... everyone has their own shit storm to contend with and comparison is the thief of joy. Get a kindle that lights up- even if you're reading shite it's better than that Facebook shite. I did that last time and with new baby I've the kindle and I defo feel my mood is better.

Ha. I remember going to a baby class when my first wasn't sleeping, and joining a conversation halfway through about one of the other baby's three am wake ups. I of course exclaimed "oh wow, that's brilliant!", thinking they were talking about what a brilliant sleeper he was. I had Not Read The Room Correctly.

Of course, now DC2 is five months, a brilliant sleeper (pure luck) and has been up once a night for two nights and I'm a zombie. I think another one like my first would've killed me.

@Reelaa yeah your baby sounds exactly like mine in every way.

It’s not a competition. What’s hard for one person is not for another

Sorry - didn’t RTFT.

Mine was waking every 40 mins to an hour the other night. She is 17 months but she is my second child and I know that this can be normal. Poor sleepers are dry at night much earlier and experience tells me they also tend to be more intelligent .

Yes to the kindle and Netflix’s with subtitles on. If you can safely cosleep it’s a game changer.

@Reelaa I believe you may be talking about a thread I've been on recently and possibly one I posted a few weeks ago myself. I'm amazed you're reading about this everywhere as there seemed to be only one other mum here talking about the same issue.

I have a baby who is a night owl and she won't settle for the night until around 12am. She's not sleeping through but is settling back to sleep after waking for feeds whether this is once, twice, three or four times a night. She is 19 weeks now, at 13 weeks she was doing same as you describe with your little one. Having no evening time to relax because they sleep so late can be stressful, everyone seems to tell you you're doing something wrong because babies are supposed to go to bed early and by the time you can get up and dressed the next morning you've lost half the day.

It sounds like you're assuming that people asking for this advice haven't already been through the sleep issues you're struggling with. I have and now I'm onto the next problem!

If everyone thought 'I'd better not post about this in case someone else thinks I don't have it so bad' then the boards would be empty!

@Reelaa you are probably talking about a post that I have written as yes my baby does sleep long stretches at times but she does not go down until 11ish.
I am incredibly shattered, struggling with mental health and lockdown, don’t have any help because my partner is abroad and I don’t have a second to myself throughout the day. You don’t know the ins and outs of peoples lives and what other things they may have going on. It’s not very fair to post what you have - of course write about things that you’re concerned about and would like support with but support boards are for just that not to say your sick of people moaning.

I get it op.
Having an evening to chill out feels like a luxury when sleep at night is so shocking.

My youngest goes down fine but is up a lot overnight, and often for 2-4 hour blocks. She's 21m old and I'd kill for an overnight sleep.

Yes I technically get an evening but if I want s reasonable amount of sleep, I need to be doing to bed then. Or I stay up, and am so exhausted I can't enjoy my evening anyway.

I'm not sure those complaining, who get decent, albeit let stretches have any idea how exhausting disturbed/non existent sleep can be

I've been up for an hour ten so far and will count myself lucky if I get back to bed at 5. Yesterday was a 3-5 stretch too, but sometimes it's been 1-5!

If it helps I've been up since 4.15 am with my 2.5 year old. Hes slept about 2 full night's in his life. Sometimes just wide awake to play at 2am, sometimes just screaming for an hour from 3-4. It's exhausting.
You have my sympathies.
Luckily my son is hilarious and cute and loving and fun in the daytime. Makes it survivable.

Everyone has their own struggles to deal with. A baby might not sleep through but has decent naps. Another baby might sleep through but spends the whole day moaning or crying. One baby might eat well, another might refuse everything. A baby might be perfect in every way, sleeps well, eats well and so on, but the mother has horrible post natal depression or an abusive partner.

There's no point in comparing or thinking anyone is posting anything to get at you or be smug because you rarely know the whole situation. I have a friend who gets a bit huffy because every time I mention my baby she thinks I'm trying to compare mine with hers and I'm just not.

I appreciate people have their own issues, but my moan is because I would kill for some sleep right now. Tonight I went up with baby at 8.30pm, didn't settle till 9.30pm despite falling asleep on me downstairs, awake 10.30-02.30 with multiple attempts to settle in cot, then between 02.30 and 8am I've been up 4 times with him. So my post wasn't a personal attack on any individual because I've seen very similar posts several times, I'm just frustrated and jealous of the baby sleeps through brigade because it's clearly not happening for me!

Oh and also then get him to sleep and he then wakes and poops. 4 times I've changed his nappy in the night!

With you op. Although the absolute worst are the people complaining their baby sleeps 7pm-5am and they want to know how to get them to sleep later in the morning because "it's exhausting getting up at 5am". Um, not after 10 hours uninterrupted sleep it's bloody not!!! And my first was such a shit sleeper I didn't "have my evenings back" OR get a block of sleep longer than about 2 hours for at least the first year of his life! Just come off those pages OP and scroll past on mn. It's not worth the rise in blood pressure!

😂 I'm glad there's some people who agree with me! As I said originally, it's not the asking for advice/help I have the issue with, it's the moaning about being exhausted after 8-10 hours of sleeping through! That is not exhaustion. And I feel entitled to moan about exhaustion because before maternity leave I worked night shifts and sometimes went 3 days on less than 10 hours sleep (I couldn't sleep in the day). So really this baby thing should be a doddle for me, what am I complaining about 😂😂😂

@Reelaa it sounds to me like your baby might still be confused about day and night if he's pooing so much overnight. I think once their circadian rhythm is set overnight poos are supposed to be quite rare.

My DD has a knack for the odd poo right as she's dropping off which of course means it's going to be another 2+ hours then after changing her but I don't change her after we go to bed unless there is a poo.

If you're changing wet nappies overnight I would stop that disruption and if they're all poos I think more natural day light during the day and making distinctions between night and day might help.

It’s all relative. Also, as soon as you have some progress and tell ANYONE “oh yeah baby slept well last night” - it goes down the shitter. It’s like they KNOW.

@Reelaa totally agree with you (but also agree that we all perceive tiredness differently). My LO was up every 2 hours like clockwork for 6 months. Every day, every night, all the time.

It did get better (but was of very little help back then).

Regardless, it's the "4th trimester", 4m sleep regression, teeth, then 8m sleep regression, more teeth, then 12m sleep regression, then separation anxiety, then a cold, more teeth, then nursery bugs...you name it. it's on the f*&ing list.